Running and Life

Lyrics

2007-10-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

Some of you have asked why I put lyrics up as posts. Well, they speak to me, and I want to share them with you all. This last post from Talking to Mary is interesting to say the least. Allow me to expound some of my thoughts of the song.

First, naming the song "Talking to Mary" makes you think that he is dating someone or likes someone named Mary. However, I believe there to be a deeper meaning her. Ultimately, I think he is using Mary to refer to either the obvious, Virgin Mary, or God proper. Now, this might be because I was a Religion major among other things or because I'm reading a book entitled "A History of God." Regardless of the impetus behind me using a hermeneutic of religiosity, I shall nonetheless.

So, with the premise of speaking to The Virgin Mary (or just Mary from here on out), let us continue. You don't have to shout because she can hear what you are thinking like you were saying it out loud (paraphrase). This would also play into the omniscience aspect. Well, that is assuming you take Mary to be omniscient, which I generally do, since she was the only (unless you believe the folk stories about Enoch to be true) human to have been Assumed into Heaven. What does that mean you ask? It means Mary was taken into Heaven without dying. I digress...

"It was her that followed you down every stupid turn you took." She was there through all of your mistakes and faults. She never left you despite your faults. The chorus poses an interesting question in that it prophesizes that she will leave you. Are these the words of warning in the same manner as Moses who told the Israelites that your God is a jealous God? The song elucidates this a bit more...

"Saw the one big problem you keep hidden and it's unlikely that others will be cool with that." She knows your faults. She sees your soul and all you are. Who else would have followed and watched you while you were making mistakes, knowing your faults? You're traveling now, got your "bus fare" and few extra dollars. There is most likely no way back. Or at least a way back you can't afford. So you are on a voyage, but she's not going to tell you how to talk to her because you won't listen to her. You haven't listened to her in the past, so why would you start now? Again, echoes of disobedient peoples being scorned by their benevolent God.

After the next chorus line, the song takes a bit of a turn. I take it as "Mary" speaking here. "It's okay. I'll keep quiet if it's easier for you to make believe that I don't love you as much as I do." Here the benevolence shines through. Even if you don't acknowledge my power, know that I still love you. This song has a pseudo-happy ending, unlike many Elliott Smith songs. The more I write an exegesis on the song, the more I think it to be about God and not Mary. Mary is the pen name given for God. The song ends with a fade out of the chorus leaving a final warning.

Either I'm right, or he really did just write about getting on a bus to see his ex who isn't returning his phone calls. Who knows...

Talking to Mary

2007-10-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

Elliott Smith
Talking to Mary

Talking to Mary
You know you don't have to shout
She can hear what you're thinking
Like you were saying it right out loud

She sees behind
That dirty look
It was her that followed down
Every stupid turn that you took

One day she'll go, I told you so
One day she'll go, I told you so

Saw the one big problem
You keep under your hat
And it's pretty unlikely
That anybody else will be cool with that

You got bus fare in your pocket
And more money down in your sock
But she can't tell you how to contact her
If you won't listen to her talk

One day she'll go, I told you so
One day she'll go, I told you so

It's no problem,
I'll just keep quiet if it's easier for you
To make believe in then
That I don't love you as much as I do

One day she'll go, I told you so
One day she'll go, I told you so
I told you so, I told you so

Going nowhere

2007-09-23T19:32:00.000-07:00

Elliott Smith

Going nowhere

He waved hello.

Silent like a mime, meaning there’s no changing my mind.

I won’t walk the stairs with you tonight.

Going nowhere.

The clock moved a quarter of a turn.

The time it took her cigarette to burn.

She said “you got a lot of things to learn.”

Going nowhere.

I saw you move a certain way.

I missed you a lot.

Return to this abandoned place.

It should’a been forgot.

Echoes drown the conversation out.

Echoes that only seem to bring about a silent expression things you may allow.

Going nowhere.

The steps made a pattern I’d never seen.

I felt like a kid of six or seventeen.

I was off in some empty day dream.

Going nowhere.

It’s dead and gone, and matter of fact, it may be for the best.

You said some things you can’t take honestly I guess.

The old records were sittin on the floor.

The ones I can’t put on anymore.

He walked over to her like before.

Going nowhere.

(I disagree with some of the lyrics in this, but mine don't make full sense. Of course, Elliott Smith is not known for always making sense... Yes, this is what I listen to on a daily basis. Yes, it is mildly depressing. No, it doesn't make me want to kill myself. At least, not all the time.)

voyeur or researcher?

2007-09-23T17:51:00.001-07:00

I believe that I am one of the few American heterosexual men that does yoga and enjoys it. To further this statement, I do yoga at home, not even at a place to pick up chicks. Does that work? I have never picked up a girl from the gym. Might have to give that one a shot. Couldn't hurt right? I digress. Since I have 200 cable channels, occasionally I like to watch a channel that I don't normally. Recently I have been watching more of FitTV. One program in particular: Namaste Yoga. For those of you who haven't experienced this revelation, I will attempt to enlighten you.

Namaste Yoga is a program which features three women doing 30 minutes of commercial-free yoga. They are obviously doing it in front of a green screen because the scenery changes every 15 seconds and ranges from forest to shipping yards to mountain scenes. Every episode focuses on different regions of the body and as such, different poses. In accordance with some unspoken rule, these women all wear spandex to perform their poses. Yes, they are all very fit and very cute. Three women, spandex, yoga. Those words in one sentence should clue you in to why I started watching the show. And no, it isn't on at 2:30 AM on a random Tuesday, it's not some soft core porn. It is on regularly during daytime hours daily.

Yes, I am an oversexed repressed American male with a recent amount of free time to watch television during the daytime. And yes, I started watching the show because it is the closest thing to soft core porn on cable during daylight hours without having to pay $7.95 for a "movie." My interest in the show changed and became something complex and different. Now I can watch the show and pick up new yoga moves without oogling over the hot women. The show also has an inherent Zen quality to it. The music, the voice-over, the yoga... it's almost transcendent. The other day I thought I was having a Zen "religious experience." Well, as close to a religious experience that you can have watching television at 3 PM.

I realize I did a horrible, half-hearted job at explaining that, but there are two reasons for that. One, I have to go make a phone call and don't want to lose my train of thought. Two, it is hard to explain a phenomenon that gives you a meditative calm. The closest thing to meditative calm that I get, other than meditating, is running long. Your thoughts escape you and your head is filled with abundance and absence at the same time. You feel tired and refreshed when you are finished. Not unlike good sex. That is another post for another day. In the mean time, watch more FitTV and experience the joy of vicarious yoga.

waiting game

2007-09-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

I am fully convinced that there is some sort of racket when it comes to residency applications and medical school testing. For example, I have spent almost $3,000 USD on applications and tests this year alone. That is one test (with two parts) and one application (to multiple programs). Does one test really justify the expense of $1000? Honestly? We are in one of, if not, the most expensive professional schools in the nation. Hell, in the world. And, I'm paying in-state tuition for this "wonderful learning experience." On average, just tuition alone, I pay $2000 a month for a class. I have a class now that only meets once a day for 2 hours. Next month I have a class that only meets twice a week. What the hell? Could I have taken a more rigorous schedule? Sure, but I have been in higher education for almost a decade, and I'm starting to get a serious case of "senior-itis."

What else sucks in my life lately? (I'm sorry to be a bit dramatic, but sometimes I get pissed.) My dating life, which was starting to take off a month ago, is shot. It has turned into a Supernova that is ready to implode on itself. Not quite a black hole yet, but I feel like it's on the verge. Although, I don't let this show when I talk to women. They find this out sometime between the third date and two months. That's about the time it happens... I just doled out another $900 for my car. At least I'm not sick (knock on wood). That is another reason to avoid pediatrics. If you go into peds, you will be sick once a month almost guaranteed. Don't be a pediatrician, date one. That is my new philosophy. Have you seen some of the peds girls? Some of them are not too shabby. Yes, this is slanted from the perspective of a male who attended an all male college and is going into a predominantly male specialty. As if medicine wasn't already a boys' club, Ortho is the king of all of them.

I feel like a broken record sometimes. I have to apologize for that. I should stop whining about my stupid dating life. I'm the one who ruins it anyways. I'm also in a position that most people would kill for. I have the opportunity, albeit less than others, to choose the region of the country in which I want to work. Not a whole lot of people get to do that. And if they do decide to up and move to a new region they don't always have a job. Thank god I will have job security all of my life. There is always a need for a physician, specifically ortho. People will always do stupid things and need someone to repair their blunders.

I spend my days contemplating what to do most of the time I'm not in class. It's actually really boring. I don't know what I'm going to do next month when I work less. Focus on running? My focus has been crap as of late. I keep telling myself to up my mileage, but it just doesn't happen. My running partner has no desire to do runs over 5 miles. So I'm stuck doing it alone or going to the running group, which is supposed to be good. I don't know. I've never been there. I am going to head up there on Thurs. Hopefully they won't be running 16 miles. I'm not really ready for that.

Enough ranting and bitching. I'm going to read. I'm actually reading a pretty decent book right now. My ex-girlfriend gave it to me, while we were still dating. Actually, I think she let me borrow it, but since she doesn't call, I feel no need to get her the book anytime soon.

Flak

2007-09-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

Let me just give some people a head's up.

Please, for the love of God, don't pester people for reasons why they end a relationship with someone else. If you really should know, you would have before the relationship ended. Either you would be the Endee or the Ender, or a close friend. If you are just some innocent bystander, or merely know both parties, that does not give you the right nor privilege to know. So please, ladies, don't ask your guy friends. We are relationship challenged to begin with. We think rationally, and as we all know relationships are anything but rational.

Furthermore, if you know any single, athletic, good looking, smart women who have a good sass about them... send them my way. Oh, the whole living in my area code thing is pretty key as well.

Appeasement

2007-09-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

As I write this blog, under the prodding of people who will remain nameless, I can't help but reflect on some things. It is September in my last year (finally) of professional school. I am hours away from submitting my application for a career. Not a job, a career. As I'm sure not everyone is familiar with the way that medical schools match their graduates into a job, let me take this opportunity.

I like to equate the process to sorority rush. Basically, a senior medical student submits an electronic application to X programs. Then Y programs contact the student for an interview. In a perfect world, Y would be almost equal to X, but it's not a perfect world. In an attempt to hedge one's bets, many people going into competitive fields apply to many more programs than they could possibly interview with. The cost of the application also goes up with the number of programs. (Thanks ERAS; you jerks.) I digress. So, where was I? Oh yes, THE INTERVIEW. You go interview with Z programs and then after all is said and done, create a "Rank list." Sort of self-explanatory... but humor me. You create a list of your programs in order of desire to attend. The programs also have rank lists. Then both lists are fed into a computer which then runs an algorithm and matches you into a program.

Question: What if you don't like where you match? Tough. The Match is a legally binding contract. You have to sign before you enter the match. So, you're stuck for at least one year if not your whole residency, which varies from 3 to 6ish. I'll be in for 5 of residency and then another year of fellowship. Hooray for debt deferment.

So that's a pretty low stress time... What am I doing to manage my stress you ask? Well, apparently I have taken up going on dates with people who have no desire to see me again. That rocks... I also have finally started my marathon training for a race next month. A bit late, but I have a solid base. What else...? I have also recently tried to shirk all responsibility in organizations. I'm pretty burned out as it is now. Oh, and insomnia of course.

Actually, I do have a new hobby (all the above ones are previous interests). I have started roasting my own coffee. In part to feed my insatiable desire for caffeine, and in part to be a purist. I'm still perfecting my technique with the "roaster" that I have. (It is a popcorn roaster. Actually, a very common method.) So, now my apartment smells of coffee pretty much all the time. It smells like beer sometimes too, since I brew my own beer as well.

"Empty"

2007-05-31T17:56:00.000-07:00

Ray LaMontagne
-Empty

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
Walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

Walk on down the hill
Through the grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged

Of these cutthroat busted sunsets
These cold and damp white mornings I have grown weary
If through my cracked and dusty dimestore lips
I spoke these words out loud would no one hear me

Lay your blouse across the chair
Let fall the flowers from your hair
And kiss me with that country mouth so plain
Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves
To me it sounds like they're applauding us
The quiet love we make

Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged

Well I looked my demons in the eyes
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me

There's a lot of things that can kill a man
There's a lot of ways to die
Yes and some already dead who walk beside me
There's a lot of things I don't understand
Why so many people lie
Well it's the hurt I hide that fuels the fire inside me.

Will I always feel this way?
So empty, so estranged

Not a leg to stand on

2007-04-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

First, let me apologize for not posting in some time. I have become quite feckless and lazy, well that and I had a clerkship final, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I had a birthday. So, I have been kinda busy with things and such.

I am currently on an Inpatient Internal Medicine service at our county hospital. Not my cup of tea, but some of the patients are interesting. Their illnesses are interesting as well. As is my privilege, I will now delve into a story that is morbid and darkly humorous at the same time, as is my status quo.

First, let me tell you that I really like this lady. She is a hard ass and I respect that. I had a patient on my service who was admitted for a perineal abscess. She got some antibiotics and that resolved, but... one morning while I was looking at her foot, it looked red and irritated, there were some necrotic areas between her toes; it was cold, and there were frank colonies growing on it. For those of you not familiar with some terminology or the impact of that description: she had a horrible infection in her foot and up her leg. Let me give you a bit more background. She was an amputee, having a L BKA several years ago. She was also on dialysis, was anticoagulated to the n-th degree, and had neurodermatitis, among a laundry list of other problems. Neurodermatitis is when someone itches themselves, constantly. They will scratch their skin off frequently. It is really not pretty, and quite sad, because they do it unconsciously.

So, needless to say, we consulted vascular surgery and it was decided to take her to the OR to remove her right leg. Sad, heartbreaking procedure for an already amputated patient. I saw her the morning of her surgery in her room, she looked anxious, as one would expect. Having gone through it before, she knew the risks and complications, so I didn't hit on that too much. She went to surgery and was back in her room that afternoon (amputation is not really a hugely involved procedure, contrary to popular belief). When I saw her that afternoon and the next morning, she was so excited to see me. She thanked me profusely, said she was so thankful for what we had done for her, and was just in a general state of elation. When my intern went and saw her, she gave my intern a high five. We were both speechless. This lady had just become wheelchair dependent after losing both her legs. WTF?

To make sure she wasn't just delerious, I went back after that and chatted with her. She wasn't delerious at all. She was very with it. Apparently that leg was giving her problems for a while. So here is this lady who gets dialysis three times a week, has no legs, and has sores all over her body from scratching constantly, being elated about her condition. Make you change your perspective? Um... yeah. Hilarious? A bit.

I wanted to be in her surgery, but stupid Internal Medicine, non-procedure oriented, mental masturbation, did not allow me that privilege.

She is doing ok. She is currently having some complications of being a bilateral amputee and being dialysis dependent, but I'm hoping she can go to rehab sometime soon.

Fast forward update

2007-03-04T19:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, here we go with another manic post:

I am dating someone. She is awesome. She runs. She is sassy. She is hot. She is also very smart. She enjoys sushi. She likes me, thank god. She is also friends with my roommate's GF, which is also a plus. Down side? She lives in Chicago currently, and I don't. That can change very quickly. Well, within a year.

I am on Pediatric Neurosurgery currently. I enjoy it. The cases are wicked complicated and cool. Cranial reconstruction on a 2 month old is awesome however you look at it. This rotation has swayed me somewhat to consider Peds Ortho more seriously. My outpatient Peds experience kind of left me with a bad taste for peds.

I am trying to decide where the hell to spend the next 5 to 7 years of my life. I'm looking at pretty much every Orthopaedics program in the midwest and beyond. It is so damn hard to sift through the bullshit and get to what the program has to really offer. I also want to be close to Chicago, for reasons that are stupid and selfish, but I really like this girl. I know that I shouldn't let my feelings dictate where I spend 5 to 7 years, but it's hard when you're a sucker for a beautiful woman who rocks.

You know when you see someone who you know, but you are not sure how? Well I had that experience the other day at work. Some nurse came up to me and started talking to me like we were long lost friends. I don't know how I know her face, but I do. I don't think it was from college, but it could have been... Damn it. That is so frustrating.

Okay, off to bed. The hours on Peds Neurosurg are good, but not that good. It is still a surgical service.

Rage -OUT

My decision not to go into Psychiatry

2007-03-04T19:11:00.000-08:00

I come into work, knowing it is my last day of Psych, and I'm happy. Well, I have a shit-eating smirk on my face. My disdain has started to permeate my relationship with my patients. Somehow, I end up with the assholes on the service. All of them have Borderline Personality Disorder and are just plain angry. Well, all except for my sweet old man with Major Depressive Disorder with mood congruent psychosis. He is a nice guy that we are giving ECT. If you don't know what ECT is, I'm not going to tell you, because I don't want to get into a debate with someone who has no idea what they are talking about. ECT is the gold standard for treating sweet old men with depression who are so depressed they don't eat. Let's leave it at that.

So... I'm sitting in the conference room with the other students and the residents and we are just bullshitting our usual stuff in the morning. One of the residents brought in a cake for one of the students. (Hmm... now, do I decide to tell you what the cake was for? Why did it have the words "ninety-two" in icing on it?) The cake was for guessing the closest IQ for one of our patients. (It's a long story for another post. Yes, it is cynical and slightly mean, so it fits me.) I digress. All of a sudden we hear a lot of yelling in the hallway. It is the voice of one of my patients, and he is yelling about getting out of the hospital (it's a locked ward, so the patients can't get out). Apparently there is a warrant for his arrest and the police are coming to get him. Long story short, he becomes more physically confronting towards the nursing staff and the VA police are called. Now, a police matter is one thing. Usually it is town, county, or heaven forbid, state. In this case, they are federal cops, and hence underpaid, overworked, and mean. My patient then tries to barricade himself in his room, which isn't smart. He then actively resists arrest from the VA police and is dragged out in handcuffs. Now, most of this we are hearing through the wall and door of our conference room, because there is no way in hell that we are leaving that room. Also, the patient's room was 6 feet away. So, we got an ear-full.

It was not at that moment that I decided not to do Psych. It was much earlier than that. So, that is a glimpse into the psychiatric patients that are being cared for by the US government since they are "service affiliated." Peachy.

My decision not to go into Pediatrics

2007-03-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

So there I was in the office of my preceptor with a 15 month old girl screaming in my face as if I had just stolen one of her stuffed animals. I had just walked into the room and had a subsequent epiphany: I don't want to do Pediatrics. Not that I ever did, but that was one of the things that solidified it for me. Another was when I had a 4 month old pee all over my hands. I wasn't even the one to take off the diaper. I don't like poop, so I'm not going to be a general surgeon. I don't like pee, so I'm not going to be a urologist. I don't like the two of them mixed together, so I'm not going to be a pediatrician.

I was mildly intrigued when I spent a month in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Wishard. (for those of you that don't know, Wishard is a county hospital, hence a different population than a University hospital) I dealt with kids that were sick, but not so sick that they went to the children's hospital, which was next door. My kiddos (as they are referred to in Peds) averaged from 23 weeks to 33 weeks, but all had some serious problems. Well, problems in addition to having shitty mothers. Mothers that continued to smoke crack while pregnant. Mothers that didn't want to claim their children. Mothers that drank while they were pregnant. Mothers that did heroin while pregnant. All in all... real winners. I liked the kids though. The hours were good, and you do a lot of procedures for neos. But it was not meant to be. It was not surgical. It was not for me.

Fast forward a month from my NICU month. I'm on outpatient peds in the office of a guy who is preaching to me about Jesus and God's love while in the room of a 15 year old kid. It was at that moment that I heard something I never thought I would hear at work. "Do you want to change your life? Then read the Bible every night." I think the sound my jaw made when it hit the floor kinda sounded like someone dropping 40 pounds of shock and disbelief on the floor. For a moment I thought I was in Iraq during the invasion and by god, I was "Shocked and Awed."

So anyhoo, needless to say, I am not a Bible beater, nor am I going into Peds. I am however, considering Pediatric Orthopaedics, among others. I also like Ortho Onc and Hand. Yes, I'm set on Orthopaedics. I don't care what the hours are. I like it. When you go to work and finish a shift still feeling intrigued, you have found what you should do with your life. Passionate. Dedicated to learning, delving, discovering what is out there. What more? What else? That is how you should approach your job and your work. Well, as long as you don't work in a cube...

Sorry guys, that is just not for me. Also, I think I have a bit of a complex. I know what it is. It's prevalence in the population is the highest for all the personality disorders. I have a healthy dose of narcissism, and I'm not really ashamed to say it. I guess technically that means I don't have the personality disorder, but maybe I'm just insightful... Or am I just stating the obvious? Irrelevant and Erroneous on both accounts!

2007-01-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

Coldplay
Warning Sign

A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you, so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover

Come on in
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I’m tired I should not have let you go

Ooooooooooooooooo

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms

I've bolded the most important lines of the song, obviously.

Shout out to my friends in D-town. Sorry I've been an a-hole and not called. I've been kinda busy. I know that's not a good excuse.

new interests

2007-01-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

So, I recently started dating someone, a rarity for me. (I just don't date. I am very very picky and tend to be very critical of people.) So, you can see why I rarely date. That and I am usually sitting with my face in a book. Nonetheless, I found someone who actually likes me, also a rarity. The cynicism tends to fend them off. I was told recently by a friend that I'm intimidating. I still don't believe that, but I can start to begin to see what she was trying to get at.

Anyhoo, finding someone outside of the medical professions is a fantastic relief. Not to mention that we get along great, we have similar likes and dislikes, and did I mention that I have pulled the wool over her eyes about me being a nice person? Oh, she likes sushi. Such huge bonus points. So, what am I trying to get at? That I might actually like a person? That I might actually allow myself to be vulnerable? I don't know about all that yet, but maybe, someday...

As I type this, I am sitting at my new desk. A monstrosity of a desk, weighing in a close to 140 kilos, and taking all of 4-5 hours (total) to put together. The thing is over six foot tall, opens up to something more than that, and closes up to look like an armoire. I lugged all the pieces around for this damn thing and now my back feels like I was midget tossing Russian circus clowns. Not sure where that came from, but whatever. I'm tired, it's late for me, and I'm out.

Gratefulness

2007-01-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Whatever is going on in your life, it is nothing. Your problems, they are menial. Drama and petty squabbles are all that your life amount to.

I am reminded of these things once every couple weeks or so. The things that remind me are patients. There are some patients that I see who have problems far beyond what I have in my life and what most of my close friends have in their lives. Two examples:

1. Last month: I had a patient who was born at 25 weeks (normal gestation is roughly 40 weeks). He had to be resuscitated at birth, was immediately intubated and placed on a ventilator. His birth weight: 650 grams (normal term is around 3 kilos or greater). He will undoubtedly have life long serious problems. The kind of problems that can be debilitating. So the fact that you don't like your apartment or your job means nothing. Your life is perfect compared to this kids'.

2. Monday: I saw a patient in the ER holding area in the morning. (The holding area is a place for prisoners. They are placed there for ER visits. There are guards, a locked door, and shackles.) Oh, by the way, the patient was a 15 year old. This kid was kind of sickly looking, had been in juvy for a year and a half, and had that ominous sign that something bad was happening. After seeing an undisclosed number of patients, you just know when someone has something seriously wrong with them. Anyways, this kid had been in "placement" for quite some time. What was wrong with him you ask? Oh, we diagnosed his leukemia. He's 15. What kind of leukemia? That has yet to be determined, but it could be some serious badness. You think your childhood was deprived? Your parents weren't perfect? No one's were. You didn't get all you wanted for Christmas? Well, this kid didn't want leukemia. He didn't ask for that for Christmas.

These kids are just two examples that I have personally seen that clearly illustrate that most of us have it great. Coping with these kids? It's tough. You have to distance yourself in some respects. But in others you have to care about these kids and make them your own in some respect.

2007-01-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

Recently I have felt compelled to look more and more at residency programs and places that I would like to live. Few of them are in the midwest. I am looking out West for many programs, but there aren't that many out there. I also like some programs in North Carolina, South Carolina, and maybe NY. But, I don't want to live in NYC. Chicago is nice. There are lots of programs there, and I would be close to my grandparents and parents. Fortunately, I will be busy and not have time to see them all the time, as I know they want. Recently I had a conversation with a beautiful woman about the city of Seattle. I have always felt drawn to Seattle for some reason. Possibly that I love the outdoors, love seafood, and love the West. Although the weird thing is that I've never been to Seattle. (well, not that I remember) Also, I really like the idea of moving to Madison, WI. They have a pretty good ortho program, and I hear Madison is an awesome town. Lots of cyclists and runners there. Lots of trails. Lots of snow, which is not a bad thing. I can work on my snowshoeing and trail running. On a side note, has anyone tried out the waterproof trail running shoes? I know that Merrell, North Face, and a couple other companies make them. I have looked at several but I haven't talked to anyone about them. Any pointers? Bueller?

Other cities: Salt Lake City, UT. What a gorgeous city, well, as long as you are not on the Great Salt Lake. For those of you who don't know, the GSL smells like a garbage heap of rotting flesh. Sorry for that olfactory and visual image, but it does. The problem with the GSL is that it is so salty that nothing can live in it, for the most part. Everything dies in it and the smell carries into the city. The rest of the city is beautiful and wonderfully laid out. Those Mormons were on to something when they moved from Nauvoo out there. Also they were escaping religious persecution, but that's a different history lesson. Modern day Mormons are not all bad, in fact, the current Senate Majority leader, Harry Reid, is a Mormon. He is the highest ranking Mormon in the United States government history. For a one-sided tale of Mormonism read Under The Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, however, does not like the book for the negative image that it portrays of Mormons. Regardless, it is an interesting read.

More cities to come as they pop up in my search for a real job. My first real job. A job in my career, which I can actually use on my CV. Joy.

secrecy

2007-01-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

One thing that really f-ing pisses me off is when people lie to me or keep things from me. It infuriates me even more if I call them out on keeping things from me and yet the continue to do it. I understand that not everything is my business, but with friends? What can be so important not to just talk about it and then move on? Seriously? I'm sure that context would be helpful, but I can't even provide that. I am left without context clues and only my incredibly imaginative mind to lead me.

The real issue when people lie or withhold information is that you feel betrayed. Now, if we are talking about someone that you don't know, then that's a different story. If you have a "friend" treat you this way, one tends to feel betrayed and rightly pissed off. I'm sure it is nothing, but that is not the point. The point is that honesty is the linchpin for any relationship of trust. Now, if you have relationships without the premise of trust being intrinsic to them, you have other issues. These can be relationships at work, with family, with friends, with partners... If open honesty without fear of reproach is absent, you might as well be pissing in the wind.

I just had a revelation (well, one that I have previously had, but it happened again). There are some people in life that just seem to have a knack for inciting drama. These people are to be shied away from. They are not good to have as friends nor as friends of friends. They are like plague. They infect those around them and poison them. Their poison, however innocuous seeming, spreads to others. Much in the same way, albeit in reverse, as people say that a smile is contagious. These people are germs, who need to be removed from society or grouped together. If we put all the drama inciters together would there be so much tension that a person could spontaneously combust? I think these are the unnamed situations where people have actually witnessed SHC. So, without further ado, let us bring together the drama queens and have ourselves a barbecue. I guarantee if these people were eliminated from mainstream society, the use of antidepressants and other assorted psychiatric drugs would plummet. This could in part eliminate a portion of the funds being paid out by social services and thus help out Medicare and Medicaid. So, in removing the drama queens we would be helping future generations.

New Year's

2007-01-02T18:10:00.000-08:00

So, I started a new tradition: running on New Year's Day. I didn't go far, only 5 miles, but I think it is the perfect way to start a year. It was gloomy, windy, cloudy, and was spitting rain. It was perfect running weather. Okay, so my idea of perfect running weather usually is to the tune of: "well, the sun came up today, so I think I'll run."

I spent most of New Year's Eve intoxicated at a friend's house with a fine young lady. I spent most of the night with her hanging out and shooting the shit whilst I watched other people get s-faced. The party was full of your typical Depauw grads, med school students, and a small smattering of Wabash men holding down the fort. Most guys wore the now standard outfit of jeans, dress shoes, and a collared shirt (usually striped.) (as an aside, I hate myself for wearing this outfit. I feel as if I have nothing else acceptable to wear and that pisses me off. I hate looking like every other dude.) The girls were in their standard slinky top and jeans outfits. There was one girl who was wearing a whore's outfit. (If you have seen Chris Rock, you'll get the joke.) She had on a red cocktail dress with thigh high boots. Classy. Come to find out, she is a 4th year in medical school. Apparently all that dress for success stuff didn't pay off for some people.

I left the soiree at a little after 0600 on New Year's Day. I was sober by then so, I drove home.
Opinion: much better than going to a bar and spending 40-100 dollars just to get in. It was a much more affordable fee, there were lots of people to meet, and I don't have to dry clean the smoke out of my clothes.

You can't choose, Silly...

2006-12-26T19:04:00.000-08:00

As I sit on my couch listening to Opera, sipping green tea with two candles lit in front of me, I contemplate family. Family in the blood-relations aspect. I shan't be delving into my friends who are my family, but rather family in the common denotation of : "any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins." Wikipedia has it's own take on family. And the US Census Bureau has defined a family as: A group of two or more people who reside together and who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption.

Great. What does it all mean? Well, sit back and enjoy a cup of whatever you desire and listen to what ever music you will. I am going to provide an exegesis of my own family and the most incredible juxtaposition of culture that exists in it. I encourage you to take a step back and analyze your own family from the eyes of an outsider and look at the relationships that have developed and on what basis they are formed. I ensure you they are not simply due to familial consanguinity.

As I enjoyed an evening with at my sister's house I took several moments to observe and really look at who my family is. Let me back up a second. From here on out when I refer to sister, I really mean half-sister. We all have the same father, but different mothers. Also, there is a 22 year age gap from my to my youngest "sister." This makes for interesting discourse and inter-relational issues on a normal basis, let alone the havoc of the holidays. Also, note that this is one side of my family. The other side I am completely indifferent towards and care not what happens in their daily lives. I only care how it affects my mother and step-father.

Let us begin. As I stood in my sister's kitchen and surveyed the scene, I realized how different everyone in the room truly was. Let me pan the room for you, starting from left to right. One of my nieces and her boyfriend. She is 22 and is unemployed, didn't go to college, lives with her boyfriend and dresses like she is going to a club at all times when I see her. Oh, she's also a compulsive liar. Her boyfriend who is at least three times her size is next to her. Next we have one of my nephews who is 28, has a kid, works at Walmart in the Electronics department? He is about my height, has bright red hair and thinks his skin is several shades darker than ebony. He dresses like it too. Next, his brother also of the same persuasion in dress and attitude. Then we have my youngest sister's husband (number 4 husband?) who is almost legally blind. My sister married him surely for his lack of desire to do anything with his life. Then we have my youngest sister. We have a name for her involving the word "cooler." Not because she is somehow colder nor more "with it" than we are, but because that is what is usually in her hand: a cooler. She used to play the role of "medical authority" in the family. Next to her is my middle sister who is legally blind in one eye. She also thinks she is several shades darker than ebony. She was describing how she can't afford to buy a cellphone plan because she can't afford a down payment. Next to her is my second oldest sister with her ex-husband. They got divorced so he could run off with his internet girlfriend, but now are back together living in a small apartment or house somewhere north of where we are from. His brother is in jail for shooting at the police when they came to investigate his trailer where he had enough weapons to occupy Paris. My former brother-in-law maintains that his brother was in the right. Also he is the most racist person I have ever met in my life. Their kids are next to them. They are non-descript. One is going to Indiana Business College, the other still in high school. They are "small town" and have some aspirations. In the next room is another nephew and his girlfriend. He is 20 and has a band. He works two or three jobs to get money, but still lives at home with his parents, whose house I'm at currently. He has half a dozen tattoos and smokes. He is actually a very bright kid just on the artsy side of things. His girlfriend appears to have a solid head on her shoulders. She can hold a conversation, but I don't know much else. Next we have another niece, who graduated high school, puttered around a bit and is now going to start Beauty School. She is an attractive girl who despises her mother, my youngest sister, for being a drunk and divorcing her father (my sister's first husband). She views most people in our family with disdain and looks down on them. Behind me we have my fourth sister, whose house I'm at, and her husband. My sister is a house cleaner and a Mrs-Fix-it. She gets that directly from my dad. She is the most down-to-earth sister that I have. I am the closest to her. Her husband is a high level manager at a regionally operated chain of supercenter-like stores. He is also down-to-earth albeit incredibly lenient on his son. On the phone is my oldest sister who lives out of state and actually went to some college. She works for a welfare office I believe. She hates my middle sister and can barely stand my youngest sister. She just moved in with her boyfriend and her daughter, 33, is getting married in October. Her daughter has her masters in something biology related. Then there's me. Standing in the middle of this roller-coaster of booze and food observing it all.

Where to begin analyzing... much of it speaks for itself. Although put it in the context of me, a self-involved, cynical bastard who used to avoid family functions. The old adage that you can't choose your family has never rung more true than when I was a party of this debacle. Going from my parent's house in the outskirts of suburbia in an upper middle class neighborhood in the morning to this house full of people would be a culture shock for anyone. I even adjusted my wardrobe accordingly. I usually wear a collared shirt and/or a sweater and some nice pants to Christmas or my parent's house. I wore jeans and a cycling jersey with a zip sweater over to go to my sister's. It is smoky and they have a dog, so I end up smelling like ass when I leave regardless of the quantity of my sister's famous beans I consume.

I'm sure that my father is looking down on me right now swearing under his breath that I didn't take more charge after he left. But slowly I am assuming the patriarchal duties of the family. My sisters are starting to view their little brother in that role. Regardless of what I think of individual members of my family, someone needs to take the helm and lead them, shepherd them, and if need be, provide at least some sound advice for them.

That was a long diatribe into my life as I have told very little people. Not even my closest friends know the extent of my family and our relationships. I'm sure some don't care to know. If you made it to the end of this post in one sitting: congratulations are due to you. All I ask is that you take a look at your family and realize that everyone comes from a little different angle in life and together you and they have formed who you are today. So we're all a little ghetto, redneck, artsy, educated, and quarrelsome with family, but at the end of the day, family is who helps define us.

Shout out to DLMWS and his road-tripping. Don't use headphones too much.

Mantra

2006-12-17T21:17:00.000-08:00

Motion City Soundtrack
-L.G. Fuad

Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I have learned to love the lie.

I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah
Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong,
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie,
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,
I'm about to explode.
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,
Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds..
And all the things that don't get old..
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life..
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...

(In this department)
Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier
You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame
If I could ever repay you,
I would, but I'm hard up for cash
And my memory lacks initiative.

God damn the liquor store's closed,
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills..
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.
(In this department)

Running

2006-12-13T18:58:00.000-08:00

I am obsessed, obviously, with running. I am not really sure when this obsession started. It might have its origins with me attempting to find a sport in which I wouldn't get killed. Football didn't last long for me. I never made it to a game. I practiced for a week with the team until I had my left clavicle broke in practice. That ended the football playing for me. I still don't know what drew me to running. In high school and college I was a "sprinter." I ran the 110, 300, and subsequent 400 hurdles in high school/college. I think I decided to try it because my best friend was doing it and I was tall and gangly. I had a bit of speed in me, but nothing that got me recruited for Div I or II. Not that I was looking for that. For some reason I had an aversion to running long distances, which back then was anything over 2 miles continuously.

Finally in college I decided/realized that I would not have the opportunity to continue hurdling past college and wanted to continue running. So, I switched to longer distances and have since not turned back, although I occasionally hurdle something while just horsing around on a "short" run (3 miles).

It wasn't until I switched to longer running that I fully appreciated the beauty of running. The simplicity of it. The purity of basic running. It was a hard transition for me, since I like to run fast. I love the turnover of a 400 meter race. I had to learn to pace myself and slow down. Now, I'll go out and jog 3, 5, 10 miles without thinking about it. Odd how when you reflect on your life and even your lifelong interests, you realize how they have changed and evolved. You have changed; you have evolved. Is running a reflection of my maturity? (God I hope not, I run like an 80 year old man with osteoarthritis.) Rather I think it is simply a natural course and progress. Or maybe it was a simple shifting of an addiction.

For those of you that have read A Million Little Pieces, you will remember how the protagonist explains that an addict never ceases to be an addict, but merely shifts their addiction to something else. Runners are addicts. They can't get enough of running. They love the feeling of it. They will sacrifice their bodies for it, to it. They will (or at least I will) lie to be able to do it. Lie to your boss about a prior engagement; lie to your significant other; lie to a friend; lie to yourself. It is a drug. Plain and simple and those addicted to it are addicts. They will put themselves in harm's way to continue to use and abuse it.

Maybe I started and continued running because I knew that I could do it and others couldn't. In a Dean Kanarzes sense: I could run for long, and I was proving myself through it. It is an arrogant way of viewing your running motivation and talents, but for some people it is motivation. When I am running in the blistering cold, with the wind driving into my face, seeing no one else outside, wearing shorts, I smile. I love it. I love the feeling. I love knowing that I am a BA out there running in the extreme conditions (as extreme as IN can be, which isn't very extreme). In that respect I can identify with Kanarzes. His "I can do it and you can't" attitude is brazen, but resounds true sometimes.

Ultimately, you have to find your own reason(s) to continue running. Be it a race, to stay in shape, to lose weight, to have camaraderie, because you can't stop... just because... I will continue to run for a multitude of reasons, but mainly because I can't stop. I'm addicted, and I see no value in quitting.

Forced Relationships

2006-12-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a situation where a friend fixes you up with someone they know? Of course you have. Everyone has been there. I didn't specifically ask, but nonetheless, I acquiesced to hanging out. Of course, we were drinking, so things were skewed a bit. I don't really like this person, but I kind of feel obligated to at least call her once. Besides, she has a t-shirt of mine.

Ugh. It's kind of depressing when you have to fake a relationship for the benefit of maintaining friendship with people. You feel semi-obligated to like their friends for at least a measured about of time. After a certain period of time, you just have to call a spade a spade. Now, I'm not saying that you have to be a dick about it, but politely distance yourself and tell the parties involved. What makes it worse is when the person likes you. Not just a passing like, but more like an infatuation. There is no way this person can like you for real. Well, I hope she doesn't. That would suck, for her I mean.

I know I'm a semi-shallow person, but I'm just not all that attracted to her. I don't want to force myself into liking someone for the benefit of another person. Yes, I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I need some catharsis right now. I even went on an "unplugged" run. I turned 5 miles in about 36 minutes, just effing around.

Oh, another depressing thing: another one of my idiot friends is getting engaged to be divorced. Sorry, I'm just cynical about it. Knowing that 3 of my friends are married, 3 are engaged or going to be, and one has a child. Statistically, 3 of them will eventually get divorced. That is depressing and the reason that I will have a pre-nuptual agreement.

Moving on... I'm in the NICU at a county hospital. What does that mean for my patient population? Minority and poor. Also, a good majority of babies that come through my NICU have positive drug screens. As if kids don't have enough trouble, to knock them down another peg with drugs. I swear parenting should be a licensed procedure.

Enough rambling for me. I'm tired and have a presentation tomorrow on respiratory distress leading to bronchopulmonary dysplasia with extended mechanical ventilation in neonates.

Catharsis and Self-Renewal

2006-11-19T12:27:00.000-08:00

"Life is what happens while you make plans."

I heard that quote from the residency director of internal medicine at Tulane University. He was giving a speech to medical students at a national conference of the American Medical Association. The ultimate topic of his speech and presentation was perseverance. He was speaking about Hurricane Katrina damaging Louisiana and the residency program coping and dealing with it. He was speaking about the benefits of perseverance and leadership. 10 steps of being an effective leader. It was truly moving and the best speech that I have heard in a long time. It was more effective than the speech from the President of the AMA, a plastic surgeon from California. It was more moving than most graduation speeches. It was powerful, raw, unbridled emotion. It motivated, touched, hurt, lifted, inspired. I wish that I could convey the full scope of the speech in this blog, but alas, I cannot.

I have made progress with someone about whom I care greatly. I wasn't sure where our relationship was going. I prayed it wouldn't fizzle out. There was no way it could go south, neither one of us had that much invested in it (ie. no possibility of a relationSHIT). For whatever reason: my rantings, my soul searching, her soul searching, our chance meetings, Fate, Kismet, Tao, Providence, luck, we have reconnected with a more defined, less defined goal. The circumstances of a relationship at this point would be incredibly difficult and probably very strained. I work fairly long hours, being a work-workaholic myself, she being undeniably sweet and caring: I would end up being an ass. Not too far off from how many of my previous relationships ended... I was an ass and didn't realize I was on the way out until the door hit me. Thankfully, I have learned a couple things from previous relationships: I'm not always right; I can't have everything I want; I am a good listener if outside distractions are minimized; I am a problem solver, so if you don't want a solution, don't tell me about it in the first place; I don't mind paying for dinner many times, but not all times; I need some time for myself.

Now, other than that, things are murky, blurred, and veiled. I don't know, so don't ask me. I don't have tons of time for introspection when I'm working 80 hours a week. Thankfully, I'm on a cake walk rotation right now, so I can afford to take some time to meditate, analyze, deconstruct.

That is certainly one thing I have realized over the past 2 decades or so. Everyone needs to have cathartic episodes. Everyone needs to "eat dust." (It's from the Iliad?) However you feel that you can best escape into self-recognition, self-analysis, self-deconstruction, DO IT! Be it running for 2 hours with an iPod full of techno, Snowboarding for a weekend listening to Against Me! and other assorted angry music, stripping and refinishing a drafting table, cycling by yourself into a 20 knot headwind doing the same God damn hill over and over, whatever your activity du jour, do it!

How do you know what activity to undertake? Whatever allows you to escape, holds your attention, and when all is said and done makes you feel refreshed and renewed. It does not have to be the same one, nor for a long duration, just as long as it allows for escape. There is one stipulation: it cannot involve drugs, controlled or not, legal or illegal. That is a no-no. You have to function mentally at 100%.

Please take an hour, two, 10, this week and find something that meets these requirements. I know that it is pretentious for me to hand out advice, being just another member in the upward march of humanity, but I am doing it nonetheless.

Sick

2006-11-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

I feel about as good as a Cuban immigrant packed into the cargo hold of a 20 ft. boat along with 12 of my other countrymen seeking political asylum. Unsure of whether I'll make it safe or get thrown back to the wolves. I'm sick. I feel as if someone is trying to play the game Operation in my throat using a hot poker instead of the traditional forceps. At least my hacking cough has ceased to produce a nice green tinged phlegm. Sexy huh? Stupid Family Practice with everyone having a cold... Only one more week.

Besides that, things are peachy. I'm up to my eyeballs in problems with females. Deciding what to do with one or the other. Deciding if I should tell one that I can't stop thinking about her. Deciding if I should tell the complete truth to another. Deciding if I should call it quits with another. Deciding... Why do I have to be so contemplative? I just want to get through this next year, then I'm outtie.

In 18 months I can finally move away from IN. Thank the Lord. The only thing that is keeping me here is the fact that my parents live here. I have no more attachments to people. I no longer feel required to stay for some individual. No longer will I be in school... 18 months.

On the bright side of things, ND plays Army this weekend. Tailgating and drinking for the weekend. Friends are coming to visit for the weekend.

This post sucks. Sorry. I'm tired and I have to get up and see crazy people tomorrow at the psych hospital. Ugh. My preceptor keeps trying to get me to see people that have "good cuts." He is hoping that we get a patient with extensive self-mutilation. Is he twisted or what? He is a weird guy, no doubt. I basically told my course director today to not use this guy again. Not that I have anything against him, other than his personality and mine clash, but I don't think he's all that good of a teacher. Whatever. Sorry I lapsed into school.

I'm looking for a marathon to do next year. Maybe a destination marathon? Anyone interested? By the way, I'm looking for a girl who likes to workout, knows something about sports, likes food, and can be ready in 15 minutes. I'm also looking for another half marathon to do next year. That way I'll have a marathon and two halves in addition to 5Ks here and there. I'm also looking for some aerobars for my bike. If anyone has some cheap ones, let me know. I've also resolved to do a century next year.

I'm looking forward to getting back to my own apartment, sleeping in my own bed, riding my bikes. Nothing better than hitting up mountain trails in the winter wearing full spandex. I'll send pics...

Contemplative Running

2006-11-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

People are amazed when I tell them that I ran 10 miles or 15 miles or whatever. They aren't impressed by the physical act of it. They are awed at the time committment. Several questions have come up. They ask, "What do you think about for that long?" "Isn't that boring?" "I would get bored." "Do you listen to music?"

It all depends. I listen to music sometimes (techno mostly or angry punk (that's for DLMWS)). Other times I don't listen to music. Sometimes I think about what's going on at work or in my life, but it doesn't occupy the majority of my run. Also, I don't think that I have ever resolved any conflict on a run. I have pondered situations; I have come up with scenarios; I have thought about what to say, but never have I come to a resolution.

Many times, I listen to music and just drift off. My thoughts run. My feet fly, and I just cruise. As with many mediational methods, I let my thoughts roam where they please. My feet follow the path while my mind drifts to unknown places. I sink into a primal, less developed state of being. Avoiding objects becomes a defense mechanism. Sometimes I think about my feet hitting the ground. That consumes my entire thought process. Other times I think about my breathing, visualizing it as it enters and exits my mouth.

When all is said and done, I remember very little. My thoughts dissipate as soon as they materialize. I am left with a sense of accomplishment from my run and mentally refreshed. Maybe that is why I feel compelled to run. It is physically and mentally soothing for me regardless of the time of running.

Update

2006-11-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

Oh, blogging... I have wanted to blog for a while, (and believe me, gotten threats on my life to blog) but really haven't had a chance. Surgery and OB took a ton of time out of my life. Of course, I could have blogged last month on my elective, but I was a turd or was reading Ortho stuff to occupy my time. Developments recently: I do not want to do OB as a career, but we all knew that. GYN Onc is very interesting and they are huge operations. Doing an ex lap for Dx and staging of Ca... pretty big wack. (wack is the term for a big operation). Doing a Transabdominal hysterectomy, bilateral salpingectomy, omentectomy, cytoreduction, and pelvic and periaortic lymph node dissection for ovarian ca... really f-ing cool operation, awesome anatomy in the pelvic bowl, and fun to do. A little FYI: that operation written in medical-ese looks like this: TAH-BSO, Omx, cyto, c P&PA LND. Hell of a time saver. Anyhoo... enough about that.

You'll have to excuse my digressions, I have a lot on my mind right now. That and I had 30 oz of coffee and only one bagel to balance it out.

Other things... I keep having information rammed down my throat about the rural and underserved population and how it is essential to take care of them. Yes, people getting health care is important, but there is something to realize. This is not socialism. The vast vast majority of Americans don't want socialism. Also, this population does not want to see physicians. I had a patient tell me she didn't want a mammogram even though she had breast cancer in her family. She said, "well you have to die from something." Agreed, but breast cancer is a nasty thing and a mammo is the best thing we have to screen for it. Ladies: please do yourself a favor and get a yearly pap and mammo. I know it's uncomfortable, but look at the alternative: cancer, surgery, chemo, radiation, death. And besides, who doesn't want to look through their legs and see my smiling face? Sorry that was uncalled for. I'll blame the coffee and... South Park

Oh, I ran a marathon a couple weeks ago. It went as expected. It hurt like a son-of-a-whore. I thought I was going to die at mile 18. Why would they design a course to be flat for the first 13 and then hilly for the second 13? That's just shitty. I'm planning my next marathon. Probably another fall one, but maybe I'll ramp up my training and do one this spring? We'll see.

Next step is to do a tri this summer. Hopefully a sprint, but maybe an Olympic distance. Again, we'll see.

Family Practice is a joke. There are no definitive diagnoses, just a treat and see mentality. Shoulder pain? Probably a rotator cuff or muscle weakness. Take some Anaprox 550 mg BID and let me know in 3 weeks. There are no CTs, hardly any X-rays, and god forbid an MRI. It's just pushing pills and waiting. It blows. Needless to say, it's not my style.

Other things: oh god there are so many. The cynicism has been building gradually for a while now. I'm on the world's longest dry spell. I don't even want to talk about it. I'm working to remedy the situation.

Look for a post about the preceptor that I have. I swear to all that is good and holy that he has Parkinson's. This guy has a resting tremor, an intention tremor, a nervous laugh, a small town mentality, and an odd personality. He screams family practice. Stereotypical. I can't make this stuff up. He lectured me on criticizing other physicians. I'm assuming he has been burned before by other docs because he doesn't really treat any diseases, other than strep throat and diabetes... he treats the symptoms. I'll say more later.

I'm off to more studying of Allergies and Asthma. Ugh. Boring.

Scared? a little

2006-09-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

18 months. That is what stands between me and making decisions that will directly affect whether people live or die. 18 months to learn how to best manage an ICU patient. 18 months to learn how to run a code. 18 months to decide, apply, interview, and match into a career for the rest of my life. I apologize in advance to all those not in medicine, I'm about to besmirch you. It is possible to change careers in medicine. You can go from an ER doc to an Anesthesiologist, it just sucks to do so. You have to go back through residency. Most often you choose your career at 26 and stick with it for the next 40 years. In other areas of the working public, people change jobs and careers all the time. A market analyst will start selling stock or become a lawyer. Something completely unrelated...

18 months...
18 months and I will have two letters after my name (well, after the Jr at the end of my name). 18 months to get those two important letters: M.D. After I have those letters, I will suddenly have 70% of hospital employees working for me. I will be able to write orders, write prescriptions, sign charts. The advice that I've heard from people: "Don't kill too many people. You're going to kill some, just limit it." How's that for some advice? Talk about realizing your own mortality in one statement.

18 months...
I'll still be the same person. Still a runner and a cyclist. Still a dog lover. Still a huge Notre Dame fan. Still a Wabash man. Still the same...

call me... please...

2006-07-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

I'm hastily writing this blog from the hospital. If we get a trauma call, blog will have to suffer. So far: 0 Trauma calls 3 consults. Consults were nothing cool. I'm supposed to be staying busy the whole time here, but my resident is sleeping along with the intern. So... I napped. Not good sleep. Waiting for a flight in an airport sleep. Sleeping in the Surgery Lounge on a couch sitting up sleep. I'm outtie in 30 minutes to go see my own patients before rounds and our Friday meetings.

More to come later. I know my posts have blown lately, but I haven't had time to thoroughly write a good one. I am working on an article... Soon. I promise.

You're going to cut what?

2006-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

My last day of Anesthesia has come and gone. I am stuck at home studying for a final essentially over pharmacology. I am not worried. Obviously... I'm blogging when I should study. On my last day of Anesthesia, my resident and I were assigned to the GU OR (Genitourinary Operating Room). As I perused the list of cases for the day, I knew it would be an interesting day. Circumcisions, Orchioplexy, and a couple other minor procedures. I raised an eyebrow at these cases, not because of the type of cases, but rather the ages of the patients. One kid was seven and in for a circ and an orchio. Yes, seven years old. The child was 84 months old and just now having a circumcision. (read between the lines => OUCH!)

Anyhoo, my day was made better when I saw a colleague of mine get pimped by his resident. I have the unfortunate pleasure of knowing this sack of shit from my first two years. He is/was on a Urology rotation. Now, the image of this kid doing any kind of urology is just funny. First, he is as blind as a bat. He would literally have to have the penis within 6 inches of his face. Humorous. Very Humorous. So, I witnessed this kid get pimped on the indications for performing an orchiopexy. He was giving the deer in the headlights stare at the questioning. Funny for me, since he thinks he knows more than attendings. Basically, you perform an orchiopexy for ease of diagnosis of testicular cancer and other testicular anomalies later on in life and probably more importantly, for cosmetic reasons. As my staff Anesthesiologist said, "Everyone wants two." (I almost pissed my pants when SHE said it.)

So, I got to witness firsthand the awful mess that a circ entails as well as an orchio. Why you would subject any child to this, let alone a SEVEN year old, I am not sure.

On a lighter note, plans for my departure from Indianapolis permanently have been started. I am thinking an orthopedic or plastic residency somewhere in the Western US. Hell, I'll even do General Surg if I have to. Anything to get out of IN and somewhere with more scenery and better cycling and running. I hear Oregon is nice... Seattle has a good music scene... Wyoming has some great skiing... Utah has some great skiing, climbing, cycling and running, and Mormons...

This is an aside, and then I have to study, but can we talk about how clean Salt Lake City really is? Holy Cleanliness Batman. That is one of the cleanest cities I have seen, ever. Those Mormons, they know how to control their followers huh? Also, I've never met an asshole Mormon. They are always so nice (minus the extremists, who kill at the drop of a hat.)

woes

2006-07-12T13:03:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of in a shitty situation. There is a girl I want to date. She wants to date me. We would work out so damn well. Basically, it would be a great relationship. It was so easy when we were together. We hung out and did everything and nothing and were both satisfied with the outcome. Downside => she lives 2 time zones away. I am not one to chase love. I have dated long distance before and it hasn't worked, but I am really considering doing at least one if not more away rotations where she lives. It is possible and quite likely that I will be able to do them. I also will have 3 months of vacation built up. Downside => the vacation isn't until May/June of 2007.

It's not that I can't find people close. There are people close, but I have been so smitten with this wonderful and beautiful girl that no one compares right now. And I have tried looking. I tried to tell myself that I was just infatuated and that it would pass, but it hasn't yet. I'm not infatuated. That is something that is reserved for looking at puppies and cute babies. It's more of a kinship, a commonness shared through similar experiences, common yet separate. Aaaaghh. Frustration. Longing. And god damn high gas prices are driving up the price of plane tickets. At least I have tons of time off next month. No, wait, I have 80 hour weeks for 5.2 weeks starting in a week. Shit. I'm looking forward to October and November. Easy rotations.

I need to go ride and run off some anger. A good 40 mile ride and a 5 mile run should help that. Catch you on the flip side.

The sweet life

2006-07-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

I wish that I had more of an interest in Anesthesia. Dealing with pharmacology is interesting. I like thinking about what drugs to give in what situation, but after a couple cases, it got a bit boring. I had a couple interesting cases. A preemie was in for a procedure and we couldn't get a line in very well and called for help. Not 30 seconds later, there were 10 Anesthesiologists in the room crowding this 3.2 kilo child. She was so tiny and was getting flooded by a sea of hands and angiocaths. (Angiocaths are used to start IVs) We finally got a line started and just as quickly as they came, they left the room. Also, preemies, and young kids in general, have very little fat, so the room temp was about 80 degrees. Needless to say, I was sweating like a Malaysian whore in church. The sweat was rolling. Thank God I didn't have to scrub in on that case. I might have sweated right through the gown.

We had a kid today who was in for a dental procedure. (I'm on peds anes. So lots of stories about kids.) He had a Hx of seizure disorder, asthma, and MR. So, the kid was not really with it to begin with, but we had all kinds of problems with him. He just didn't want to cooperate. I started a line, which went in fine. I was nasally tubing him when suddenly I couldn't see. So we reset things a bit and tried again, but couldn't get a nasal, had to switch to an oral. Then my IV had shitty pressure, so we had to start another one. Then he had poor lung fxn, then he was tachy, then... It just went on and on with this kid. I just have no passion about doing that. And then I had a nurse try and pimp me. I was shocked. She was asking me what to use to paralyze and what I would do if I lost my IV and blah blah blah. For those of you interested in nursing, or are nurses, don't take offense to my next comment. My resident and I started talking about how nurses don't think when they do something, they just follow a procedure. Things have to be laid out for them, b/c they don't have even close to the amount of schooling that MDs have. Now, nurses run the hospital, there is no denying that, but some of them are a bit uppity about what they think they know. Granted, they know a lot, but it is superficial knowledge about what another doc did in a certain situation. They don't know all the reasons why. That's all I have to say about nurses. Just like everyone there are good ones and shitty ones.

A career in Anesthesiology? Probably not, but it's not completely crossed off like FP and Medicine. I do have some sweet hours right now. Average of 07:00 to 14:00 every day. That's an awesome day compared to the 06:00 to 18:00 on ortho (which didn't feel like a 12 hour day. Probably b/c I really liked it.)

No thanks

2006-07-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first in a series of posts entitled "Specialties I Don't Want To Do."

Well, lets get right to it, I don't care for family practice. I have no aspirations of managing meds and talking to every patient about their depression and what we can do to change it. There is nothing wrong with that. We need primary care docs. I'm just not the candidate for that.

Next. I recently decided that I will have no part in becoming a critical care doc. For those of you unfamiliar with that position, let me explain a bit. A Critical Care physician is one who deals with and manages the patients in the Intensive Care Unit (any intensive care, PICU, NICU, SICU, MICU, CCU... you get the idea). Granted, there is a huge difference between what an internal medicine hospitalist does and a CC doc's duties. But, there is too much of a similarity. Put this into context you ask? Okay.

I was in our clinic (it's an orthopedic clinic) when my resident got a page about a patient in the CCU (Critical Care Unit). The nurse said something about him having a tib/fib and yada yada yada come take a look. (I'm assuming that was the jist of the conversation, since I didn't talk to the nurse right then. Anyways... we take a look at the patient's x-rays of his lower leg and see that he has a nice tib/fib fracture and he is in a long leg cast. No problem. So, my resident tells me to go up and see what the deal is.

Still with me? OK. So, I get up to CCU and find this patient. Find his nurse, who tells me she is concerned about his wrist and not his leg. (Good thing I looked at his wrist films... not so much). So I go into the room, which is about the size of your average airport Starbucks. (It's a big room by hospital standards.) This guy is the only patient in the room. He has tubes emerging from everywhere underneath his gown. Picture a tube in any hole you have. That is this guy. He's got a feeding tube, a foley, IVs, drains, you get the idea. He is not intubated though, so that's a step up for him. Anyways, to further complicate matters, this guy is about in a coma. He's one step out of a coma. So, he can't answer questions, can't point to where it hurts, can't walk, talk, feed himself, none of the above. So, I start evaluating his wrist and not his leg and find that it looks a bit swollen and that's about it. There are no other findings that indicate a fracture or really anything else wrong with this guy.

I mean, nothing wrong other than the fact that he was hit by a car and now he's pretty much a vegetable. A nice piece of celery in a bed with machines keeping him alive. He's breathing only because his brain stem's respiratory center has taken over. And people really want to do this for a living? I just value talking to the patient too much. Also, he wasn't a candidate for surgery, so that nixed that idea. He'll probably end up in a nursing home somewhere with no family visiting him while he's hooked up to machines for the rest of his life. The kicker is that he's only 70. He could live another 20 years like this theoretically. In reality, there is a huge 6 month mortality for people who become non-ambulatory (they stop walking around). Sad? Damn right. And something I don't want to deal with every day of my life at work.

Those are two of the several specialties which hold no appeal to me. More to come, but first a public service announcement.

Life is precious; treat your body as a sanctuary. For those of you wanting to harm your bodies with drugs, let me paint a little picture for you of what you can look forward to. You can be 46 years old, with no job, no house, and no future. You will be in the hospital for back pain. When people look at your CT they will see that all those IV drugs you did allowed bacteria in your blood stream. Now those bacteria have taken up residence in you spine. They have found a nice home in the vertebral body of your lumbar vertebrae. The unfortunate thing is that they have eaten the bone away and left a small shell of what used to be a weight bearing structure for your entire upper extremity. One day you got up to walk to the corner to buy steal something so you could buy more meth or heroin or whatever and your upper body's weight compressed and crushed your vertebrae. Now you are in excruciating pain and your back is broken. Hooray. But it gets better. During your stay at the hospital you can't drink for a couple days, so you go into withdrawal from the drugs as well as the alcohol. So now you are in fulminant delerium tremens as well as narcotic withdrawal. HOORAY!!!! Your short little jaunt to the corner turned into a 4 day hospital stay, which cost the taxpayers 1000 a night for just the room plus nursing and doctor expenses, and a lifetime of back pain because you have no viable spine now. Looks like you should have stuck to prostitution to feed your 3 kids and stayed away from being a crack whore.

More to follow on what not to do with your life.
Topics include: not jumping off the roof, not slicing your hand with a butcher knife, and my personal favorite not running from the police on your motorcycle.

News

2006-06-22T02:58:00.000-07:00

Knees, Hips, Ankles, Shoulders, elbows, lest we forget wrist, and even some knuckles, such is the life I lead right now. I'm on my way out right now, so this will be short. I have fully adjusted to my "up at 4:30" schedule. No cases this morning, so it'll be clinic all day. Not just clinic, but prisoner clinic. WOO HOO! Get excited.

Procedures seen that have been cool:
Dupuytren's contracture release
Recurrent carpal tunnel release with hypothenar fat pad support
ORIF of 3rd and 4th MC
TKA

I don't really have time to explain right now, since I'm jetting in 2.5 seconds to make rounds and then team rounds.

Oh, had a patient yesterday that was high on some kind of narcotic at the clinic. Tried to examine her foot, which had been broken for 7 months she claimed, she was almost screaming. So, my staff came in and man handled her foot and told her to get off her ass and walk on it. Ballsy. I liked it!

More from the land of bone and joints soon. Time for rounds...

Orient yourself!

2006-06-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday and today was full of orientation to the third year of my current adventure in life. It started today at 7:15 and ran through about 4, not bad considering that I have at least another full day of it. 7:15 came around early since I was out at a bar last night after having cycled 62 miles with "ze Germans," Daniel and Sven. Cool guys. We were only supposed to go 35 miles... oops. So, I was a little sore and a little hungry and able to get a buzz on 4 beers in under 2 hours.

So, as I stated we were orienting ourselves to clerkships. As always, people were late, lost, and lonely. My day started with yet another plunge into the Relationship Centered Care initiative, ie. Dealing with and Giving Bad News. We have talked about this topic a multitude of times with a multitude of situations, although the one today caught me a bit off guard. But, before that, we listened to about 75 minutes of talk about how to give bad news by an overly excited and enthusiastic Ph.D, who knows little about medicine, but loves behavioral science. Frivilous, no. Excessive, yes. Exhausted already and it's not even lunch time, yes. As she meanders through her slides and includes a participation section, I continue to zone out and my eyes glaze over. She must have known I had little tolerance for her talk.
(Either say we are going to practice with patients or I'm going to have you practice on each other. Don't drag it out for over an hour and pretend that we care.)

There is one thing that I have come to hate already, other than a handful of people that have already rubbed me the wrong way, my pager. The last person that had my number set up his/her pager to get news on the hour. It is pretty ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as some guy today while we were going through a sterile technique training. Let me set the scene for you. The OR that we were practicing in was non-sterile, the instruments were non-sterile, there was no patient, and we were gowning. We all had scrubs on. This guy set himself apart from the others, making himself look like the biggest dork I've ever seen. He was wearing his pager, which isn't needed for another 2 days, his phone, which didn't have a signal in the OR, and his Palm, which is obvoiusly not needed for this activity, all clipped on to his scrubs. Walking, talking Craftsman series, lifetime guarantee TOOL. Although, let's be serious, medicine is full of people that lack people skills, bedside manner, and are generally socially inept.

More from clerkship land soon. I start on the ortho service. I hear the hours are good, and that there is no weekend or overnight call. We'll see come Thursday.

It's 22:30 and I'm almost exhausted, but hungry again. Stupid metabolism...

Busy

2006-06-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

I'm busy getting things worked out for my clerkships. I don't have internet. I'm moving things around and into my apartment. All the while trying to maintain 200+ miles on the bike and 15-20 miles running a week. So, as soon as I get internet, start my clerkships, and have less time to exercise, new posts will be had.

Oh, and I met one of the coolest people over last weekend. This person blew my socks off with the amount of wit, intelligence, sincerity, and athletic ability SHE possessed. She is awesome. Unfortunately, we don't live close. I think about her a lot. She made a serious impression.

Props to one of my good friends who did a century yesterday. I, on the other had did 5 hours on the mountain bike and 3-4 miles of running on Sat. Nothing compared to a century, but a decent attempt at exercise.

Fight of ideas

2006-05-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

Death Cab for Cutie

-excerpt from Soul Meets Body

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun rap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what it's like to be new

Cause in my head there is a Greyhound station
Where I've sent my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place where
They're far more suited then here

-excerpt from The New Year

so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

so this is the new year
and I have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back.

Steps and Hoops

2006-05-24T03:49:00.000-07:00

I am finished. Done with being in the hell hole of America. Done with being in a classroom. Done with not seeing patients for 2 years, but learning about diseases. Done with Step 1! Just another hoop to jump through. Just another step in the process of medical school. Just another step in the process of life.

So, with all that being said and me sobering up from last night, I will be moving to Indianapolis. Leaving all the smells and (train) bells behind. (If you have ever been to TH, you know about the smells and trains.) I'm just trying not to gloat in front of my friends, but after 2 years of class, when you finish, you have to gloat a little just to blow off some steam.

So, look forward to posts about patients. (No, I'm not going to violate HIPAA and give names and/or other identifying information.) Well, unless it's one of my friends. Look forward to happier posts, since being holed up in a shit-hole town studying like mad for 2 years doesn't exactly make me happy. New town (but not really new to me), new apt, new roommate, new tasks, new friends, new responsibilities, new opportunities. (I know this post is lame, but it helps me, so don't read if you don't want to.)

I'm taking some time off after I move tomorrow and going to a friend's wedding, going riding with a couple of my friends, going to see about a girl, going to spend some time in Michigan horsing around. Posts will be scant for the next month until I get settled in my rotation. I'm not sure what my call schedule is going to be like. Also, this is the last 3 weeks of my life that I won't have a pager attached to my hip. In 3 weeks, I will be "available" pretty much at all times. Sometimes I feel like I need to "unplug," even now, when I'm not that hooked in.

For the next 3 weeks I have no responsibility. I'm going riding and running as much as possible. I might do a couple brick workouts, (if you don't know what a brick is, in regards to cycling and running, look it up) hit the pool, and look for a sprint or an olympic tri to do. I'm going golfing as much as possible, going out as much as possible, avoiding my exes as much as possible. (There are just some people that you don't want to see out at the bar... several names come to mind... quite a few actually)

The next 3 weeks are the last summer break that I will ever have. The next 3 weeks are the last break that I get until Christmas. (After that until I take time off to interview.) I finally get to hang out with my friends from college again. I have been in exile for 21 months. Although 2 of my friends are getting married this summer/fall. Idiots. I'm glad they are elated about it, 'cause I'm certainly not.

Farewell to blogging from TH. Farewell to living on a highway with constant traffic, no matter the time of day. Farewell to people I don't care to see again in my life. And... I'm out.

Magnet for Rain

2006-05-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure what the problem is. I went for a ride on Sunday. It was supposed to be a decent paced 40 miler. Of course when we were about 14-15 miles out it starts raining. No, not raining, it was monsoon season. I felt like I should have been looking for an ark out there. I though Noah was going to pull up beside us and as us if we needed a lift. Cycling on roads with at least an inch of water... not the greatest of times. So, we cut it short and only went 30 miles.

Yesterday:
I went for a biweekly ride with some guys in town. They are just some guys that like to get out and hammer it. 10 miles in, it starts raining on us. Cool. At least it only lasted for about 5-10 minutes. Then the sun came out again and it was off to the races, which is partly why I got lost, but that is another story all together.

Today:
I was out running some trails. I went out for a nice and easy run to get my legs some blood flow. I saw some either National Guard or Army soldiers in the woods running in formation early on in my run. I got about another 10 or 15 minutes further into my run and heard a couple loud noises. Over my iPod mix, I assumed they were the troops firing some blanks at something. Nope... It started to sprinkle a bit. Then it started raining a little harder. I looked around at the woods and said, "Is, is that hail?" Sure as shit it was. It started hailing on me. Not big enough to hurt, just enough to piss a guy off. Then as soon as it started it stopped and the sun came out. F-ing Midwest weather.

Tomorrow:
God only knows what it will do. Hitting up the group to ride again. So, who knows. Will I plan ahead and bring some arm warmers or rain jacket? Probably not. I'm stubborn and bull-headed. I'll just hammer through it.

Lactic Acid = Fuel

2006-05-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Lactic acid, the stuff that makes your muscles burn is a good thing. It is not a waste byproduct that makes your muscles sore and ache. It is a good thing that your muscles produce through glycolysis to generate more energy. It comes down to how your muscles utilize that energy to determine how you will perform. Lactic Acid Is Not Muscles' Foe, It's Fuel details the continued findings of George A. Brooks, Ph.D.

Lactic acid is produced from the glycolytic pathway through the action lactate dehydrogenase converting pyruvate to lactate under anaerobic conditions, which oxidizes NADH to NAD+ and H+. The generation of NAD+ allows glycolysis to continue, because it is a substrate for glyceraldehyde-3-phosphate dehydrogenase. For a review of glycolysis and lactate metabolism visit: THE Medical Biochemistry Page (It's a great site for all of Biochem)

What does that all mean? It means that through the lactic acid shunt, muscles can continue to burn glucose. More than that, lactate is burned in the mitochondria of your skeletal muscle cells to generate more ATP(ie. ENERGY!!). For more information read the following site: Muscles burn lactic acid as well as carbos

Further reading:
Lactate doesn't necessarily cause fatigue

Endurance training increased gluconeogenesis during rest and exercise in men

Endurance training has little effect on active muscle free fatty acid, lipoprotein cholesterol or triglyceride net balances

Glycemic Index

2006-05-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

An article entitled Are You High? on runnersworld.com helps to explain the concept of Glycemic index and what types of food to eat before, during, and after workouts. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of glycemic index, it goes something like this: Food is ranked from 0-100 depending the rate at which carbohydrates enter your bloodstream. Most fruit has a low glycemic index (in the 30-40 range) while something like Gatorade is high (89). The fiber from the fruit slows digestion and absorption of the carbs. Similarly, adding protein or fat can alter the way that food is digested. For instance, pretzels have a high glycemic index, but if you dip them into 3 tablespoons of low-fat yogurt, they have a low GI. Spaghetti weighs in at 60, brown rice at 55 on the chart. Okay, so that's great, now how does that help?

Without going into the detailed workouts and scheduling of meals, know that runners, cyclist, and other endurance athletes benefit from a low GI meal about 2 hours before a workout. During the workout, a high GI food is needed for rapid entrance into the bloodstream, hence gels, gu, honey, jelly beans, whatever you can get your hands on. The main idea is that you need energy and quick. By the way, that pre-race bagel you always maw on... it has a GI value of about 72. Good for right before the race, but it will let you hit the wall, bonk, die, lose your legs, (I could keep going) during the race (especially if it is longer than say... 5K).

Eating foods with lower GI values may help you stave off Diabetes, Heart disease, and even types of Cancer. See: some of this information is actually useful in daily life. Eating foods with lower GI values will lessen the chances that you will have a sugar and corresponding insulin spike after a meal. Lowering cholesterol intake as well as a diet that lowers LDL will aid in staving off heart disease. Eating more fiber is a proven method to stave off colon cancer. Now, problems come into play with genetics. Family History is one of the strongest predictors. So... If your family gets colon cancer at age 35, you can eat all the Metamucil and prunes that you want. You will still probably get colon cancer and at a young age.

To look up the glycemic index of various foods go to: glycemicindex.com

Mother's Day

2006-05-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there is an entire website dedicated to the celebration of Mother's Day? Wonder what they do during the "off-season"... Mother's Day on the Net It has the history of Mother's Day, dating back to Greek times, honoring Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. It also has the American beginnings of the holiday. Contrary to popular belief that it is just another Hallmark generated Holiday, President Woodrow Wilson declared the second Sunday in May to be Mother's Day back in 1914, although, technically Joyce Clyde Hall, the founder of Hallmark, stepped off a train in Kansas City, MO in 1910, so the possibility still exists that it is a 90+ year conspiracy.

Anyways, Mother's Day is not celebrated around the globe on the same day. It differs from country to country due to theories of the origins of Mother's Day in the respective countries. In Costa Rica and Antwerp, it is actually celebrated on the day that Mary was believed to be assumed into heaven, Assumption Day. For those of you not Catholic, or not acquainted with the concept of Assumption, I encourage you to check out the link. Essentially, it means she didn't die, but was taken straight into heaven.

The Mother's Day Proclamation can be read at: The Mother's Day Proclamation For more information on why your mom is so great, and the origins of the holiday, visit Wikipedia: Mother's Day

Go, celebrate, call you mom. Tell her how much she is worth and what she has done for you. Don't neglect the fact that she "brought you into this world, and by God [she] will take you out if you don't shape up."

apathetic relationships

2006-05-11T13:36:00.002-07:00

Apathy, disregard, general withdrawal. Not from a handful of relationships, but from all. Supposed goals of studying have fallen by the wayside only to be replaced with a quest for something. What? What is it? I'm not sure. Cycling, running, studying: these are the things around which my days revolve. Food is an after-thought. I delve into the pantry only to be disappointed. What am I looking for? CNN, FoxNews, MSNBC: have become the center of my universe. Why? What is it? Searching, Journeying, Questing, but for what? For whom? For what purpose? I'm lost in my own apartment without a map, without a compass, without direction at all. Am I avoiding? Ignoring? Where am I???

Traffic and Ailment (T&A if you will)

2006-05-07T07:34:00.000-07:00

As I arose at 5:15 AM on the morning of the half marathon I noted that I still had some lingering flu, as signified by the sore throat and massive headache. So, I took a gram of Acetaminophen and went on with it. Weather report: supposed to be 46 at gun-time warming up to 65ish. (aka good running weather) I got to the starting of the race only to discover that I got hosed on my starting corral. Somehow I was with the walkers?? Seriously? Seriously? Someone was going to get hurt. So, I waited until all the corrals closed and hoped into one that had a few runners. Runners that were poking at about 10 min/mi, but runners nonetheless. (My race pace, when I'm on my game is about 7:30) So, I swerved and juked my way through a couple miles of traffic only to have to stop and pee at about the 5K. (Rookie mistake. I know better than that.) As I exited the lovely port-a-potty, I ran into the traffic I had just passed. So, like Ali, I was moving like a butterfly and stinging like a bee. Although, the stinging consisted of bursts of acceleration to get past people.

As I rounded the 10 mile mark I was still feeling not too bad. My feet felt like they were bleeding, but that's normal at that distance and in a half marathon. I was still passing people at this point, but there weren't walkers around me. I sped up a bit for the last 5K and finished a disgruntled 1:49:09, 4281 overall. (The winner, a Kenyan, finished in like 1:03.) Faster than last year's, but much slower than I wanted. So, I'm going to find another half within the next couple months and do that. Hopefully one with less people. The 35,000+ people was a cluster f at times.

On a side note: how do people drink beer after a race? All I want is water and one half cup of gatorade. I don't get it. I understand that beer has sodium in it, but... honestly you are drinking a diuretic after sweating for 13.1 miles. That just doesn't make medical sense to me.

Also, there was a firefighter from Bloomington, IN that wore full gear. (walking) I saw the guy at the race and shook my head in disbelief. He had on the mask, helmet, everything. I said to myself as I passed, "holy shnikes he must be hot." Awesome job on his part.

That's about all the update that I have. I will never have to take another class again. That's cool. I have also been in school for 2 decades continuously. Depressing, I know...

Obesity Reaches new Height (I mean Weight)

2006-05-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

Before I delve into this matter, let me just say that I am not a fat person, by any stretch of the imagination, nor does obesity run in my family. My family is from Denmark: tall fishermen with lanky builds. So, I might be a little biased when it comes to this issue. But, let me assure you if I ever enter the category of "overweight" (from a BMI standpoint) I will restrict myself to a 1000 calorie diet and exercise for over an hour a day until the weight comes off. That being said:

Imagine that you were overweight. Okay, obese. Now, what would you do to correct the issue? Anything? What if you weighed as much as 5 baby elephants? Would you do something then? And let me ask you: how did you let yourself get that fat? It certainly didn't happen overnight. Well, Manuel Uribe is such a man. He weighs approx 1,200 lbs. (Actually, they aren't sure how much he weighs. They can't find a scale that would work for him. Well that and he can't walk.) Yep, Sr. Uribe can't walk. What does he do all day you ask? Uh, I don't know contemplate life and eat? Apparently his mom sows his clothes and cooks for him. Sr. Uribe went on Mexican television and pleading with the govt. of Mexico to give him a gastric bypass to help him lose weight. "Uribe made an impassioned plea for help earlier this year on Mexican television, saying he weighed a more normal 290 pounds until age 22 and did not know what happened to him." More normal 290 huh? Well I guess that is normal-esque these days. Normal has shifted from the 75 kilo man to the 100 kilo man now. (290 is actually 131.5 kilos) Uribe is now 40. His wife left him 10 years ago because she was disgusted with him and thought he was dying. (my sentiments exactly) So now Uribe has attracted the attention of some Italian surgeon who is going to do the bypass for free. Dr. Giancarlo De Bernardinis said that his largest patient to date was 770 lbs.

Now, obviously there are interesting issues in this case: political, medical, social. Lets hit up the political first. Why do people insist on getting themselves up shit creek without a paddle and then start begging for help? How about I have 20 kids and then ask welfare to take care of them for me because I'm too busy turning tricks to buy meth? Or, I won't go to a physician for years and then just show up with malignant HTN, Diabetes, and a fungating mass on my testicle. "Oh and by the way, I'm on Medicaid." People, seriously. If you don't take care of yourself, why do you expect others to take care of you FOR you? I actually found a blog about this fatty. It was pretty good: Blogthecoast.com

Medically this guy is a surgeon's, an anesthesiologist's, a RT's, and a nurse's worst nightmare. First, lets talk about how they are going to get Fatty McFatterson out of his house and over to Italy. Uh... whale lift? Are they going to float him in a tank over to Italy? The CNN story quotes the fattest person in history: Jon Brower Minnoch. He was a fat POS as well. And yes, he weighted 1399.935 pounds at his fattest.

Moral of the story: go exercise. I saw a news article last night on CNNHN that kids in school are reaching obesity at alarming rates. Something needs to be done and fast.

Running Delirium

2006-05-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day back to real running. I ran yesterday, sort of. It was more like jogging for a couple miles and then calling it a day. Not "running." So, today I decided to do my speed work for the week. I did 4 x 800 at race pace, which turned out to be oddly comfortable. In fact, I was giddy during my run. It is very hard to describe the feeling. It was a mix of: having my legs feel like they were just bouncing along of their own accord, feeling a tingle in my legs for a few strides on the back stretch, being completely detached from my body all at the same time. My interior monologue went something like this (imagine Derek Zoolander saying it): "Yippee, HOOORAY. I'm running. Ha Ha Ha." (Orange Mocha Frappucino!!!) Needless to say, this is not my normal demeanor while running. I'm usually all business or thinking about something else going on in my life (usually school, as awful as that sounds, sometimes girls, but that is few and far between). I equate this experience to running drunk. As I have done this before, I have personal experience. While running drunk, all you want to do is throw up, after that you have a moment of complete clarity. It's as if you have just ascended to another plane of existence. So, in a sense running drunk can be compared to a religious experience. Think about that...

Background: I have had a mild case of the flu for the past couple of days. Frontal HA, night sweats, malaise, myalgias, a touch of photophobia, and some orthostatic hypotension just for good measure. Actually I'm on a taper for a half marathon this saturday. It always seems like you get sick while you are tapering and not while running your hardest. It's like your body just says "enough," and that happens right after your hardest workouts. So, now I feel about 70%, but I'm on a protein loading right now, which also drains your strength. I'll follow the protein loading by carbo loading in the days leading up to the half.

In the mean time, tomorrow is my last day of running until the half. I'm only going 2 or 3 miles easy. Rest for two days and then it's on like Donkey Kong.

Death

2006-04-30T18:55:00.000-07:00

I feel as if I have died and someone embalmed me. I'm still breathing, but I don't think that my brain is fxning. I have a headache the size of Montana, which is throbbing with the frequency of a metronone. I think a very very small construction worker is using a very very small jackhammer to break open my skull. I have created a differential diagnosis for myself (in no specific order of importance or liklihood):
meningitis (viral or bacterial)
glioblastoma multiforme
unknown viral infection, possibly coronavirus
primary B cell lymphoma of the brain
Epstein-Barr Virus infection

Seeking professional medical opinion? Nope. I can DDx myself.

Here's the problem: I have a half marathon to run in 6 days. I haven't run in 5 days, that's not to say I haven't worked out, but no running. I'm hoping to get rid of the funk so I can run 5 mizzles tomorrow and then get back on course for this weekend.

Although, I do feel better from this morning; I am still not convinced I'll feel better tomorrow. Time will tell. Otherwise I'll just have to run the half sick.

All time low

2006-04-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

Humanity as a whole has reached an all-time, hands-down, no-question-about-it, holy-shit-what-happened-to-sensibility low. While perusing an article on CNN.com about pregnancy entitled "It's hip to be pregnant," I ran across a line that sent shivers through my soul and instantly enraged me with a quality of disgust and abhorring not seen since the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. This line set off a series of red flags and what ensued was an introspective look at American culture that only served to further aggravate and degrade my own citizenship. As a whole, Americans just lost 15 IQ points thanks to some beat reporter in New York trying to make a name. The line is as follows, "The coming months promise the birth of the Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie baby, still in utero but already presumed unprecedentedly gorgeous. "Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated," New York magazine wrote." Now, up to this point, I was only mildly annoyed that I was reading the article and wasting precious moments of my life. At this point, the article took a new twist. Before it was praising the aspects of women embracing pregnancy and acted to boost self-esteem and self-image of pregnant women. Although, it did end on a good note, poking fun of the incessantly retarded Britney Spears.

(deep breath)

Where to begin? I'm almost, but not quite speechless. I'm typing this with my mouth agape and a serious furrow on my brow. Uh, alright, let's start with the real article that was quoted on CNN. It is entitled, "Paparazzi Scramble For the First Brangelina Baby Photo"

Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated. Actually, forget Jesus. Only three wise men turned up to greet him in the manger. The Brangelina baby as the megawatt couple's spawn is known, at least until its parents give it a proper name has People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star, and Life&Style (working, of course, on behalf of the millions and millions of readers they serve) awaiting the newborn's arrival, all of them hoping and scheming and planning to voyage to the ends of the Earth, if that's what it takes, to get a first preferably the first glimpse of the blessed child.

Who is this f-ing guy, first of all? Not since Jesus huh? Well, thank you for speaking for the entire Judeo-Christian world, supposing that people with a functioning frontal lobe give a shit, and degrading the entire life of Jesus, not to mention just raising Brad and Angelina to the level of GOD! Second, the contraction names were funny for about 5 seconds. They are not one entity. Their brains together don't make a functioning one. For the love of sanity, please STOP! (I don't like to yell in my blog, but this one might have a lot of that) Third: "blessed" huh? You are a godless piece of shit. I am not the most religious person, but come on man. Do you really have to jump to that level of analogy. I'm being completely serious. My rage is on par with the rage that the entire Muslim world felt about the Dutch cartoon of Muhammad. Fourth: the underlying problem is readership. If people didn't buy these worthless magazines, maybe they might boost their intelligence. Hell, they might pick up a book. I know, books. Remember those things? They were the main form of communication and record keeping for thousands of years before the internet. And, if we pray (to whomever you desire), plead, and with a bit of luck, the mainstream American public might pick up a book worth reading, instead of a fictional story by Mitch Albom that leaves you feeling happy and warm, but ultimately has a transparent, thin message that does nothing but appeal to those who are s/p frontal lobotomy. I know it's a stretch, but a guy can hope.

But even for a life event, celebrity-weekly editors go on to explain, the Brangelina baby is particularly enticing. For one, there's the simple matter of aesthetics.The parents happen to be two of the most gorgeous people on the planet. How gorgeous is that baby going to be? wonders Bonnie Fuller, the editorial director of American Media, whose stable of magazines includes Star. Dan Wakeford, an executive editor of In Touch, offers a tentative answer: This could possibly be the most beautiful baby in the history of the world. Even more than looks, there's the backstory. There'd be a lot of interest if it was Jennifer Aniston's baby, explains an editor at one celebrity weekly, but with Brangelina, there's that extra factor that the Hollywood golden couple was broken up so that this relationship, and this baby, could happen . . . I mean, this is the baby Jen wouldn't give Brad, and the fact that it's Angelina giving it to him, my feeble little mind can barely handle it!

This guy just doesn't quit. (this article is something like 6 pages long on their website. And from here on, this 'tard goes on to explain how hard the paparazzi have it. Poor paparazzi, invading people's privacy. I feel so, so terribly bad for you. Get a real job you low lives. Go out and do something productive. Stop deluding yourselves and join the upward march of humanity, what's left of it.) The most beautiful baby in the history of the world? Let's do some math for a second. Currently there are about 6.6 billion people on the planet. (Actually, that website is pretty cool. It gives the population on certain dates in history.) Without going into Calculus, b/c I don't really want to at this juncture. Let's just make a rough guess and say that an additional 2 billion or so people have existed before now. That's 8.6 x 10^9 people that have ever lived. Now, you are telling me that THIS child will be the most beautiful ever? Interesting... Where to begin to explain your own arrogance for someone else's child? Let's just say, beauty is relative and leave it at that. Oh, and you're wrong. This poor child, being born to weirdos, is being praised already because of the fact that his/her father broke up with someone else before he/she was born? Am I understanding that correctly? Maybe my feeble mind can't handle it. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way... No, probably not.

I have a pretty firm grasp on reality. How do these people not? How do you go through your life and honestly deify celebrities because they are good looking? Because their only talent is that they can pretend? Because we have been nieve and nearsighted as a society as to pay these people an exorbitant amount of money and empower them to be icons and role models. What happened to fathers and mothers themselves being role models? Where am I? What happened? Who is running things?

Bike-to-Work Week

2006-04-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

Due to the rising prices in gas, I have decided to revert to old school transportation, at least for part of the day. I decided to ride to school today, a distance of 15 kilometers (15.01 to be exact). The way to school was nice and easy. There are a couple half-rollers. You don't have to really get out of the saddle to climb, but you can if you want. Other than that, it's flat on paved trail and then into some urban junk. So, the way there was nice and easy. One of my friends was going into school and offered to take my bag. Less weight, no prob (and let's be serious 15K hardly breaks a sweat on the bike.) Weather: right at 50 F, which should be around 9 C or so, give or take. No problem, threw on a long sleeve base layer and a short sleeve jersey and hit the road. I did almost get smoked by a truck in town. I was going to blow a stop sign and didn't quite get there in time to beat a Ram 2500. (I almost did an endo. That was real pretty.) If I would have gone, I would still be picking up my teeth right now. Not to mention having a couple other war wounds. But, situation avoided.

Fast forward to the ride home. It was about 17:00ish when I left school. (Surprisingly little rush hour traffic.) Although, with the gigantic population of fast food engineers in town, the peak hours might be more like 15:00 due to shift change. So, I headed out, with my bag this time. I tried to empty most of it out, but to little avail. It still weighed in at a good 30+ pounds. Not real heavy, but when you're used to cycling with nothing on your back, it makes a difference. So, I got about 10K into the ride and noticed that my left trapezius area hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. My messenger bag was digging the shnikees out of my trap. Over the next K or so my arm started to feel a bit numb and was a touch weak. Adjusting was no help. It only added in destabilizing me on the bike. I felt like my entire left brachial plexus was being pinched off, and let's be honest, it was. That and the f-ing thing was digging into my spine while I was on the down bars. I just thank God there wasn't a strong breeze. Although, doesn't it seem like the last mile or so going home is always the windiest?

So anyways, to the actual point of my post other than my ramblings. The reason that I rode to school today was to prep for National Bike-to-Work Week, which is May 15-19. In fact, the month of May is National Bike Month. I encourage everyone to ride to work. Yes, I only live 15K from school, so it's easier for me. Here is an interesting bit of knowledge to chew on: on average there are something like 120,000 cyclist in the New York area per day. During the transportation strike that number increased 500%. Pretty impressive. I think I am quoting those numbers correctly. If someone finds different please enlighten me, as I am in need of it.

?Masochist

2006-04-24T21:11:00.000-07:00

Over the past week I have noticed that I have become less and less of a masochist. I can't deal with my pain as well as I used to, and have given in more often than not. I ran 12 on Sat but had to break it up and walk twice. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. My CV capacity is fine. My legs weren't really sore; it hit me in the knees primarily. I did do some major hills so that might be a cause...

I took yesterday off, for the most part. Today I went out and ran 5, but I was dying. I felt like I was going to blow chuncks after 2.5 miles. I'm not sure why. I ran over an hour after I last ate. I chewed the same gum that I always do. I just felt like I was going to see my turkey crossaint sandwich again. I did have three cookies at lunch though... They were chocolate chip with caramel, and I couldn't resist. Not that I'm worried about ruining my figure. I don't think that would be possible running the miles I do.

So, should I scale back my workout for tomorrow? Probably. Will I? Ehhhhh... we'll see.
Plan: 10 x 400m @ 5K pace.
I'm going to run on a track, so it'll be cushy.

New energy supplement kick: Bloks by Clif? Powerade? Gatorade? (I don't remember and don't want to get up and look, sorry.)
As always, I will let you know my opinion: how they taste, how it works for me, and any other comments I might have.

Feelings

2006-04-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

Elliott Smith

-Twilight

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying

She's a sight to see, she's good to me
I'm already somebody's baby
She's a pretty thing and she knows everything
But I'm already somebody's baby

You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together

I'm nice to you, I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile if you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me baby

Because your candle burns too bright
Well, I almost forgot it was twilight
Even if I think that you are right
Well, I'm tired of being down, I got no fight

You're wonderful, and it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you I'd disappoint you too
Well, I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby

-I'd Better Be Quiet Now

wish you gave me a number
wish i could call you today,
just to hear a voice.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

if i didn't know the difference,
living alone would probably be ok.
it wouldn't be lonely.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

a lot of hours to occupy it was easy
when i didn't know you yet,
things i'd have to forget.

but i better be quiet now,
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, getting upset.

maybe i have a problem,
but thats not what i wanted to say.
i prefer to say nothing.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

had a dream as an army man with an order
just to march in my place
but a dead enemy
screams in my face

but i better be quiet now,
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, not over it yet.

wish i knew what you were doing.
why you want to do it this way.
so i can't go the distance,
i got a long way to go,
i'm getting further away.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

Fate/Karma/Kismet

2006-04-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

How's this for fate: While eating a scrumptous Chinese take out meal, I decided to crack into the obligatory fortune cookie to see what life had in store for me. As I was chewing on a piece of shrimp, I almost choked when I read my fortune. At that moment I wondered if someone was playing an intricately laid and planned joke on me, and if not, reaffirmed yet again that God has a sense of humor. My fortune read as follows (and I'm totally not kidding):

You would make a good lawyer

So, now fortune cookies are giving me career advice. Hilarious and oddly depressing at the same time, because I looked into taking the LSAT and at LSAT books on Amazon.

Anger

2006-04-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

Now, I don't generally think that I have an anger problem, but recently I have been a smoldering sesspool of hate. I called one of my friends the other day, who is known for his unbridled hate and rage against pretty much all humanity, and even he said that I was angry. Now, I don't attribute this to a Napoleon complex. I don't have any immediate concerns in my life that should anger me. The only thing that I have steadfast enraging me is school. I'm not burnt out, I'm just angry. I'm so mad right now I feel as if I'm levitating with an aura of fire surrounding me. I find myself getting annoyed and angry with the people that used to bring me joy and smiles. As if a coin with two sides teetering on it's edge, I can feel it. Is it dangerous? No. It actually allows me to focus on studying more. When I'm pissed I study better. I study out of spite, out of hatred for the unbelievers, out of pride for those who have come before me. Not the least of things pissing me off is this town, the people that inhabit this unholy cesspool of disease, and most of all this school-thing.

I'll just have another cup of coffee and just continue to kick ass.
Probably why I run all the time now and cycle constantly. If I didn't have a healthy way to work out stress I might snap, just like Nietzsche.

Now, before people start calling me to ask me what's wrong, I'm fine. Everyone needs to run the gammit of emotions from time to time. I'm just a bit angry right now. Picasso went through a blue period, I can go through a pissed off period.

Training doldrums

2006-04-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Two weeks left until race day, and I feel like I'm dragging ass. I am going to run 13 miles this weekend, then taper for 2 weeks for the half-marathon. I ran 5 miles yesterday at what felt to be a comfortable pace, it turned out to be right about 8 min/mi pace. I guess running those hills all the time did help.

Now, a note from the ridiculous: Yesterday, as some people will attest, was Cow Chip Day. Now, I'm not sure if it was nationally celebrated, or just in Oklahoma Somewhere in the midwest they had a cow chip tossing tournament. Pardon me, I just did some research and... Cow Chip Day is to celebrate the WORLD Championship Cow Chip Throwing, and it takes place in Beaver, OK. Do you think that peole actually fly across the world just to take part in a tournament that throws dried cow feces?

It might not be that far fetched, since the most expensive coffee in the world has to pass through a Common Palm Civet cat's GI before it is even roasted. The Civet cat looks like a cross between a cat and a mongoose. So this coffee, called Kopi Luwak in most places, is "harvested" from these cats, ie. someone has the job of picking through the poop of these cats looking for digested coffee berries, leaving the beans intact. There are several places where this takes place, the least of which being the island of Java itself. How can you go wrong with a coffee from the island of Java? I'm not sure, but then again, I have a wicked coffee addiction. Not caffiene, coffee. Bottom line: this coffee sells for 75$ per quarter pound. For you Math majors out there, this means that a pound costs $300 US.

That was your random knowledge education for the day. You can thank google, wikipedia, and my anatomy professor for introducing me to the topic. (Thank my anatomy prof by buying him a stroller or a new 15 passenger van to cart around his litter. Long story, but let's just say that he has enough kids to field a baseball team.)

Hatred or Envy?

2006-04-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

On April 6th, a young and upcoming journalist went out for drinks with some of his friens to a villa in St. Maarten where they were vacationing. This 25 year old graduate of Wabash College with a degree in Political Science also has a Masters in Journalism from Columbia University. He interned at the David Letterman Show and was currently working as a researcher for the CBS news magazine 48 Hours. While having drinks with his friends several other people at the club began shouting obscenities and harrassing this group. The verbal assailants were tossed from the club and that was it. When the group of guys left the club they were assaulted by the tossed bunch. And when I say assaulted, I mean they had tire irons taken to their craniums. They were blindsided by these cowards who were waiting in the parking lot, unprovoked, and obviously looking for a fight. Our protagonist had his skull crushed and suffered severe brain damage. He was transported from the island of St. Maarten to Miami and now is recuperating at Jackson Memorial Hospital. He is still having difficulty speaking and writing, and will be in rehab for a long time to come.

Why would this young man, a rising star in journalistic circles, be beaten almost to death? Why would someone feel the need, the compulsion, the unabashed rage to almost kill someone with a tire iron? This young man was gay. He was with some of his friends who were also gay and were vacationing. They were not accosting the other group. They did not provoke them. They were minding their own business, enjoying the delights of a Caribbean vacation as anyone would.

I have very few words in my vocabulary that will serve to express my disgust, distaste, utter abhorring, and ultimate emptiness that resulted from hearing about this story. Did I know this man personally? No, but I did see him on campus frequently. I had been to his fraternity several times. I knew and continue to know his fraternity brothers. And not the least being, he is a fellow Wabash grad. I can't begin to describe what should be done to the men that assaulted him. That's not the half of it. Apparently the police on the island didn't get involved until he was airlifted off the island. They were called multiple times according to statements given by friends. Shades of the Natalee Holloway search...

Why does someone fear or dislike someone else without really knowing them? Why does someone's sexual orientation offend another person? I know this question is debated by quoting the Bible. As a Religion major, I have come to realize that men write books, articles, opinions not always for the better good. They will compose pieces to better themselves or their friends politically, socially, financially, what have you. Now, I'm sure you can make the theological leap to the biblical. People feared something, so they outlawed it or shunned it.

But really, all that doesn't matter. Right or wrong, agree or disagree, it is all a moot point when it comes to the real issue. This man was almost killed for being who he was. A sad day for humanity. But alas, these things happen all the time, unfortunately. Tolerance is not the answer. Tolerance is a dead-end. Acceptance and Assilimation are the proper means to an end.

This post doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel on this issue.

Wabash Alumnus Victim of Brutal Beating
St. Maarten Responds To Gay Bashing Incident
Alleged Hate Crime in Paradise

Energy Supplement review

2006-04-18T06:25:00.000-07:00

Hooah! bar:
This bar, which was developed by the military, has a good texture. It is almost like a dense rice crispy treat mixed with a Power bar texture. I tried the chocolate flavor, which was surprisingly not bad. The chocolate flavor is not too overpowering, with a slight protein flavor. The other flavors are Apple Cinnamon and Peanut Butter. At 280 Calories, the bar boasts 9g of total fat with 5g of it being saturated (which is 25% of a 2000 Calorie diet's daily req.) and 0g being trans fat (even though palm oil is on the ingredients list) HOOAH!. The bar aids in rehydration by including 150mg of Sodium (6% of daily). It has the industry standard 4:1 carb:protein ratio with 40g of carbs and 10g of protein. 18g of the carbs are from sugar. The bar has only 1g of dietary fiber, so it won't clog up your pipes, or speed them up, however you choose to look at it. The bar also has a smattering of vitamins and minerals (35% C, 50% folate (for you pregnant women out there), and 60% E). It is a decent mix of water and fat soluble vitamins.

Overall:
I give this bar 3/5 EUs (Endurance Units). It is a decent start for a bar, but it needs some improvements. It fits with the military's no fuss approach to things. The big plus about this bar is that it doesn't melt in heat like some other chocolate based bars.

Snickers Marathon:
This bar, true to form with the Snickers name and the Mars company seal of approval, has chocolate in it. I tried the multi-grain crunch (actually I've had both the multi and the peanut), which was great. It has a great texture, a nice crunch with a chocolatey layer on the bottom. The texture is again akin to that of a dense rice crispy treat, but without an overpowering gritty unmixed protein texture. It seems like they developed this bar for years and released it when it was perfect. (I'm obviously biased) So, hard facts on this baby: It has 220 Calories and only 7g of Total Fat (2g Sat Fat). The rehydration factors: 210mg of Na+ and 125mg of K+. This bar has slightly more than the standard 4:1 Carb to Protein with 32g carbs and 9g protein. It has a smattering of vitamins as well with 35% A, 100% C, 100% E, 100% B6 (just in case you forgot to eat cow liver), and 100% folic acid (again, if you're pregnant this is for you). Snickers Marathon

Overall:
I give this bar 5/5 EUs. It was the best tasting bar of the ones I tried. I had one the other day after mountain biking and it was the best tasting bar I've ever had. Of course I was caked in mud and dirt tasted not too bad at that point. Both of the flavors have a great taste and texture. They replenish your tanks and get you ready for more miles. The downside: since they have chocolate layers, they can and do melt. The bar I had recently was half melted, so it was a little more sloppy to eat.

Clif bar:
The well known Clif bar has a great flavor no matter what flavor of the 15 regular and 3 seasonal flavors you choose. Known for it's organic ingredients and enviro-friendly ingredients, Clif bar has been a staple of climbers and cyclists for years. I am a huge proponent of going to a restaurant and having the dish for which they are known. So, true to form, I had a Clif bar while climbing and while cycling. I have loved these bars for years and have several favorite flavors, but I will review the chocolate chip peanut crunch (it was my first love [Yes, I'm obsessed with energy bars, energy drinks, supplements, etc]). The CCPC (chocolate chip peanut crunch) has a great flavor and maintains its shape no matter what. The color of the bar looks reminiscent of ground up dog food, but don't let that deter you. Dog food has a wonderful flavor and a hell-of-a crunch to it. Oh, sorry, wrong food review. So... anyhoo, the CCPC tastes great, with a chocolate chip flavor and a hint of peanut butter in the background encased in a scrumptious Clif bar binding. Nutrition info you say, ok: well, before I do that, let me say that almost all of the ingredients are organic including the organic brown rice syrup, organic evaporated cane juice, and organic milled flaxseed. Alright enough of my organic push: 250 Calories and 6g of Fat (2g Sat Fat). 210mg of Sodium and a whopping 220mg of Potassium make this a must have rehydration tool. Another bar with almost a 4:1 Carb:protein ratio with 43:11. With 5g of dietary fiber, 4 of which being insoluble fiber, this might not be the greatest thing to have pre-workout. If you don't understand why, um... let me just say that it will act as a brick in your GI. Not great to eat and run, cycle, or climb a sheer face with no trees in sight nor TP. You get the idea I hope. If not... leave, now. Seriously.
A nice accoutrement of vitamins and minerals comes along with this bar. Highlights: 100% of C and E, 30% A, and for those of you in dire need of Selenium: 20% of that. Of course, with the organic milled flaxseeds, and this is unstated on their website, unless I missed it, another added bonus is an unstated level of Omega 3 fatty acid. That way you don't have to take a tablespoon of fish oil, SCORE! Clif Bar

Overall:
The bar deserves a 5/5 EU if not for the simplicity of the Clif bar company, but also for its having the Certified Organic seal of approval. Also, this bar retains it's shape and if you're not careful will jump out of the package. It is easy to eat, since it doesn't melt in the package, and tastes great.

More reviews to come.
-note: all these reviews are unsanctioned by the aforementioned companies and are my personal opinion. Any duplication of these reviews will be subject to prosecution and persecution.

Energy Bars

2006-04-14T19:06:00.000-07:00

Current plans:
1. Tomorrow, get my VO2 max tested at a local sports performance center (for free mind you. I'm a member of the Sports Med Student Interest Group, obviously, I'm fairly into sports.
2. Continue testing energy bars and drinks and their relative effeciveness during workouts.
3. Run 15K FAST!! tomorrow after my VO2 max testing.
4. Take Sunday off since I was a maniac today.

Current energy bars:
Hooah!
Snickers Marathon
Clif bar
plain ole Quaker Granola bars- chocolate
Nature's Valley Granola bars- Peanut Butter
GNC Pro Performance Pro Crunch- Peanut Butter Crunch

Current energy drinks:
Accelerade- Lemon lime
EAS Endurathon- Lemon Lime
GNC Pro Performance Distance Formula - Fruit Punch

So, that's my plan for the next few days. I will write up the nutrition info (modified) as well as general taste and effect on performance. Now, I realize that I'm nowhere near a pro-athlete and therefore my performance scale is different that most. I'm a slow runner and a slow cyclist. It happens.

My workout today:
25.54 miles on the bike through country roads. (RO-ADs) Average speed 18 mi/h. There was a slight headwind out of the SW at 13 mi/h. After I got back in from my ride I went running. Literally right after. I changed into running shorts, changed shoes, and went. I went 4 miles at ~8 min/mi. As with every transition in a multi-sport event, your legs turn into jello for the first 2 miles. So, after my jello legs and cars buzzing me, I felt pretty good.

Incidentally, on my ride, I got buzzed by two semis going 50 mi/h and they gave me a whole 5 feet of space. It was great to get blown off the road by some a-hole jealous that I was out enjoying the weather and they weren't. Unfortunately the mapping system that I used wasn't exactly accurate. I came to to where I was supposed to continue on a road, but there was no more road. So, I had to ad-lib my route. I ended up cycling on a fairly major road. I was on a state highway, which is where I got buzzed by semis, and all I wanted was a freaking paved road. It seemed like every road that was going north was a gravel road. Not exactly the road biking conditions that you would hope for.

More to come from the energy bar/drink front soon.

Yogurt/Granola bomb and Stalking

2006-04-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

A piece of advice from someone who takes their exercising seriously: Never have yogurt and granola 45 minutes before you run, no matter how great it sounds. The result is a substance that loves water and takes a little while to digest (ie. it sits in your stomach as a time bomb, waiting to explode.) Peristalsis seems futile against the mass of yogurt and granola. Or it seems to work in reverse. Now, these symptoms are precipitated by running within an hour of ingestion. Why didn't I wait longer? It was beautiful outside, warm, sunny, and I had an itch to work out. So, a mile into my warm-up, I felt a slight twinge, as if something was in store for me. Something I wasn't going to like. I shake it off and continue my warm-up for another half mile.

What am I doing today you ask? Speed of course. 400 repeats at 5K pace or better time with a 200 walk in between repeats. A total of 9. Also known as UCLA 400s (UCLA Serpentine 400s if working out with more than one person). Now, there was a slight headwind, something to the tune of 10 knots, but I have run in much worse. Besides, it was pushing 70 outside and sunny. After my second 400, well more like at the 300 mark of my second 400, I had to chew back some emesis. Now, that wasn't the normal I have something in my stomach and I'm trying to run. It was, holy hell, this thing is going to come up soon. Holy upchuck, Batman.

Now, to further complicate matters, there were two other people working out on the track at the time. Both female, one older, one younger. The younger one (runners will appreciate this more than most people) was very cute, blonde hair, sports bra, and some tight shorts (great stems). Being the show off that I am, this made me run faster. Now, if this isn't a cardinal rule, it should be, Never try to impress someone while working out. It only ends up bad for you. You are not living in a Michelob Ultra commercial. People don't pick up dates on the track. It just doesn't happen. Also, you end up looking like a stalker. Not a quality women desire. (RCS, back me up on this one.) So, instead of running my workout as planned, at the proper speed and such, I turn up the volume on my iPod and try to kill myself. I'm turning 73 second quarters to impress this girl, who wants nothing more than for me to disappear. Being thick-headed and male, I ignore it. Now, 73 second quarters are not sprinting, but they aren't my 5K pace either. Let's be honest.

So, not only should I slow down and run MY workout b/c I'm running too fast, but it is further complicating my previous problem, lest we forget that I have what feels like a pound of yogurt and granola making every attempt to escape my stomach. So, after I choke down my breakfast a couple more times, I turn my 6th quarter in 75 seconds and call it a day. I decided to jog into the wind for about a half mile and then turn around to do 2 miles back as a cool down. It just so happens that Miss blonde hair and killer body (did I forget to mention that? Total package.) ends her workout while I am running upwind and now is in front of me as I turn around. Shit. This girl is really going to think I am stalking her. So, I take my cool down pace, which is about 8:30 or so. Sometimes 9 min/mi. But, she is slower than me and has to stop a couple times to stretch out what looks to be a sore trapezius or sternocleidomastoid. So, now I am closing in on her faster. Damnit. So, I pass her about 300 meters from my car and continue my pace. When I stop and lolligag then walk to my car to get some water, I see that she is walking towards me. She apparently parked next to me (what are the odds?). So, I'm now walking away to go stretch and I see her get straight in her car and drive away in a hurry.

So, now I have yogurt and granola warring with my stomach and this girl thinks I'm some weirdo trying to pick up girls while working out. What a wonerful start to a day.

Hey, thanks for wasting my time

2006-04-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had those moments when you ask yourself, "Why did I just waste precious moments of my life doing that?" I ask myself this question repeatedly as I attend any Pathology lecture. "Important diseases? Some. Treatment protocol? Never. Hey, that's useful that I know what it is. What to do about it, you ask? Hell, I don't know." So, as I sit and stew over my recent round of existential questioning, I ponder a new question. It goes something like this, "How does someone so incompetent as yourself get to a position of power?" Did you have to fail the entrance exam for them to place you? I consider myself a smart person: quick witted with a sense of my own place in life. But, I ask you: How does shit seem to float to the top?

Here is some background to complement my ranting. So, in approximately 6 weeks I will take the first part of the licensing exam to become a physician in the United States. USMLE Step 1, or Boards, as it is more commonly called. An 8 hour nightmare marathon of an exam. Difficult? Eh... only in making you focus for that long. The questions vary in difficulty as any exam, but none are impossible. This test is 33% of what I'm told residencies look at for acceptance into their programs. Okay, just another hurdle. Not a huge deal. Seriously, I'm not trying to use a defense mechanism and play it off like I don't care. I'm working towards it. I am getting prepared. I don't have test anxiety... blah, blah, blah. Now, here comes the part that makes my blood boil.

The school that I attend has practice exams. These are 4 hour exams, which we take a couple times a year, to gauge our performance and help us focus our efforts on specific disciplines. I took the first one cold (ie. without studying specifically for it). Would have passed the national test easily. The second time I took the exam, I studied more for it. Did some Pharm, looked over some Phys, thought about Path (the three Ps to study). Now, when I got the exam I was listening to my iPod and cruising along. I got to about question 30 and realized that these questions looked really familiar. Like I had seen them before. This continued through the entire exam. Afterwards, I shot an email to the assistant director to inform him of my findings. I toned it down from my initial pissed-off-ness. He said, no it was supposed to be a different exam. The person who gave me the exam swore it was different, rudely swore. As if I was accusing her of something. All she had to do was pass the f-ing thing out to me. I found out today from the director that they had made a mistake and it was the same exam. "Hey buddy, thanks for wasting 4 hours of my life that I will never get back. Now, let me bash your head in with my pitching wedge." I took the test in my spare time, which mind you is limited, and on a morning when I could have been sleeping. Now, had I been really sure at the time it was the same test, I should have wiped my ass with the test and placed it neatly on his overly-cluttered desk, leaving it for him to find in a year or two. His retort to my concerns, after finding out he had egg on his face, "you can take it again if you like." Again: "Hey thanks buddy. I really appreciate that." Maybe my anger is misguided and misdirected, but I am confident that the monkeys the Russians sent in space could do a better job.

I feel like he's a challenged youth with developmental delays. All I can do is pat him on the shoulder and congratulate him for tying his shoes without screwing it up. Frustrated, sure. But what can I do other than piss and moan and occasionally send death threats? Not much, save eliminating the possibility that he reproduces and further pollutes the gene pool. Or dump a load of phenolphthalein in his coffee and laugh hysterically as he spends 8 hours on the toilet praying to die. Not that I've thought about that or anything...

So, in the interim I'll just piss and moan and continue to plot... Always waiting for my opportunity to strike.

back to the basics

2006-04-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, I recommend running completely "unplugged." No watch, no music, no HRM. Just let everything go and run. Enjoy the beauty of running. One of my friends does this with cycling. He takes his computer off his bike and just goes. If you are having a tough time getting back into running after an extended break or after an injury, or if you just need to renew your relationship with running, this should do the trick. Go run a trail without electronics. Go run around the neighborhood, go... wherever you want/need to go to renew and refresh. Make it existential. I like to meditate when I go "unplugged." Yes, like a Zen thing. I know this sounds a little too tree-hugger, but be one with nature. Some people achieve this by walking alone in the woods. Enjoy it. Cherish it. You never know when it might disappear.

I was also going to post about the necessity of running toys (watches, HRMs, pedometers, GPS, uploadable data from said toys, etc...). I'm still collecting research and testing out some equipment. Soon to come.

An easy 13 miles?

2006-04-06T06:54:00.000-07:00

I know that phrase is hardly spoken let alone thought by many people out there. But, this phrase has truth behind it. Well, let me rephrase: It was an easy 13 miles for me. Yes, I was running slow and yes, I did break it up. But, I did 13 miles and wasn't all that sore, didn't want to cut my legs off, wasn't bleeding. I did 9.5 in the morning at a relaxed 8:30/mi; then Stevie decided he was going to run, so I went with him. A nice and easy run through the park turned into running through a mud-laden trail. I had mud caked on my legs up to my knees. It was awesome. Potentially the most fun that I've had on that trail. And... while running in the park we spotted a deer no more than 20 yards away, another bonus. Good to know that the water table in and around Terre Haute still supports life other than the 80,000 flocks of birds that circle around town darkening the sky like an impending apocalypse. (another story)

So, after a long day of 13 what did I decide to do? Refer to my last post: point A. I decided to do an easy run. Sounds like a good idea right? Well, my easy run turned into a 6 min/mi 5K. Not my fastest pace, but close. I had to run. It was 68 degrees, sunny, with no wind. If I didn't run I would have a nervous breakdown.

Dehydration Long Run

2006-04-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

Point A: I am an idiot.

This comment should come as no surprise for those of you that know me personally. Just a question to the effect of, "Yeah, and what this time?"

Point B: Do not attempt to run long when hungover, ill-dressed, or dehydrated in another form.

Ready for some background info? Ok, let's go:
On Saturday as you are well aware, the Men's Final Four games were played. (If you did not know this, leave my blog post haste.) As my roommate and I are social people, we invited friends over for some delectable snacks and refreshments. A small crowd gathered at the Townhouse for the ensuing games. I decided to start the night off with a V and T, followed by food, four beers, and a white russian. I was not drunk, we were gorging ourselves like ravenous beasts who hadn't eaten in days, so the food soaked up some of the alcohol. Nonetheless, alcohol dehydrates you. I won't go into the Biochemical explanation for why, so just trust me on this one.

Fastforward to Sunday morning. I eat and head off to run some errands and stop and have 16 oz of coffee (also a diuretic). It's raining by the way. Raining like I should be building an ark and collecting animals two-of-a-kind. I read the forcast, which calls for rain all day and says it should be a bit on the nippy side. Okay, that's fine I have underarmour, jackets, and gloves out the wazoo. So, I head home and prepare to run. I decide to wear a short sleeve tee and my soft shell running jacket, which mind you is technically a winter jacket. It's 45ish when i leave the house. When i start running it is 55ish and windy. No rain as of yet. So I start off, planning to run 9 miles as my schedule calls for. At the 3 mile mark, I notice that I'm sweating like a Malaysian whore in church. Not only that, but it's getting warmer and my jacket is doing it's job perfectly. It is keeping heat in and protecting me from wind. Bottomline: my core temp is about 197,000 degrees. I'm about to have fusion in my jacket. I'm sweating like crazy, only to have it held in my jacket. Oh and by the way, I haven't had any WATER!!! Refer to point A. So, I decide that running 9 is not a great idea. I decide to head in and turn about 4 to 4.5 total. By the time I get to my car, my legs are killing me, my jacket has taken on the weather pattern of a rain forest, and my glasses are fogged so I can't see.

Let's recap: the weatherman called for rain all day. Has it rained since I've been running? The sole reason I wore the jacket I did? No. Did I take my iPod to distract me while running? No, it was supposed to rain. Did I bring different clothes? Of course not. When I got done running I felt as if someone had made me run in a sauna while punching my legs with brass knuckles. It was less than pleasant. Refer to Point A.

So, I deferred my workout to today. I went out to run and the wind was at a calm 20 mi/h with gusts of 30 mi/h and it was raining. It wasn't spitting rain. It was hocking lougees in my face and my glasses. Although I changed my jacket so as to not overheat. Only went 3 today. There's always tomorrow to do my workout for last weekend. And I only have to run 10 this weekend. Again, Point A.

Running tips of the day:
1. Never listen to the meteorologists.
2. Dress for any occasion.
3. Hydrate well before your run (especially if it is going to be long).
4. Don't follow in my footsteps. (Point A)

questions and comments directed to: Imarunningidiot@runningidiot.com

Nice spring day rant

2006-03-30T16:33:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day that it actually felt like spring. 72 degrees with partly cloudy skies. There was a bit of a breeze, but neither that nor my impending path exam stopped me from enjoying a nice easy run. 3 miles later of weaving in and out of traffic and through ISU's campus I was done. Exactly 24:00. That's interesting because that was the exact pace that I had planned for today. I never run exactly at my set pace. I'm usually under, but many times over as well. Not this time. I ran an exact average of 8 min/mi. I know that it's an average because I was at a shade over 7:00 for the first mile. I had to slow down. The train certainly helped with that. (Of all the towns in which I have lived, this town has the most train tracks and trains. Of course the trains run at 8:00 and 16:00, right during rush hour. What other time would they run? I mean come on.)

Another evening of studying Path, hating school, desiring escape from this canto of hell, and wishing that at least one good looking girl would emerge, but lets be serious there is some deforming quality to the water in this town. It manifests itself most prevalently at the local Wal-Mart. Home of the 400lb, non-abulatory by choice, shopper. I think they have some sort of experiment ongoing on how large an individual can fit into the motorized carts. Cynical? Harsh? Judgemental? Possibly... but that's life, and those are stereotypes. I'm just putting them in print.

-By the way, I have recently considered a career path in Bariatric surgery, so i really do love these people. Why not bariatrics? The patient population is sky-rocketing, gastric bypass is now covered by medicare, and it's a 45 minute procedure that reimburses nicely (also, I'd be keeping Steve in a job as my anesthesiologist).

As one of my preceptors told me: "Procedures are where the money lies. Procedures."

Zen Running

2006-03-28T11:04:00.000-08:00

Earlier this morning on my daily run, I had a Zen-like experience. I was out for an easy 4.5 mi run and decided to run through one of the parks in TH. The park has a paved path that winds through it. There were maybe three other people in the park while I was there, so no one to really bother me. Only one car on the road passed. It was about 45 degrees with overcast skies and light and variable wind. So, just about perfect distance running weather. If only it was 10 degrees warmer... but I refuse to belittle this run. I did the run totally unplugged; I went without a watch or mp3 player. I don't usually do that, but I recommend it every once in a while. I had just started running and was scaling a hill in the park when I felt almost bliss. The birds were chirping, the wind was nil, and there was no one around. It was blissful, solitary, and comforting. It was a rededication to running. Almost as if it was meant to be.

The experience continued through the run as I left the park. I didn't hear the cars as they passed. I felt only mildly tired when I was finished. As I slowed to a stop, I saw my breath as I exhaled. Not only did I see my breath, but as I saw out of the corner of my eye, I saw another source of steam. I looked to see if there was some unknown source near by. Some other source of heat, but nothing was apparent. Then I realized that other source was me. It was heat rolling off my head. (I didn't wear a hat or headband) Then as I was stretching, I noticed that my entire body was generating steam. I saw wisps of steam rising off my shoulders. It was apparent, b/c I was wearing a black L/S Nike Sphere shirt, which wicks pretty well and apparently lets steam through.

Throughout my run I kept thinking about Zen Buddhism and Taoism. I kept thinking about how running connects you to nature, how it keeps you centered and maintains a balance. When you are out on the road, you are fighting the elements. You are expending energy back towards the source of so much extrinsic energy. As you run, continually pounding the ground, energy is released back into the ground. It is absorbed through the repeated sound of the footstrike. The ground accepts it and responds by propelling the foot forward. As the steam was eminating from my body (head, shoulders, feet, mouth) the air was absorbing it silently, and using it for another purpose. As much as the flapping of a butterfly's wings in Brazil causes rain in Madagascar, my energy was in the like being used to generate some other force, some as yet unknown result of my labors.

for Beto and Katan

2006-03-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

This post is totally designated for Beto and Katan.

The week of March 27th through April 2nd is National Sleep Awareness Week. What exactly does this mean? It is designed to promote education about proper sleep I assume. You can check out the website at National Sleep Foundation. There is also a Sleep IQ Test. Check it out if you have time.

I wonder what they would say about staying up until 3 AM IMing with a class at 8?

Reality check

2006-03-27T13:40:00.000-08:00

This post is a comment that I left on Ah Yes, Medical School. The author of the blog is hilarious. There is a common consensus among my friends who religiously read his blog, that he could write comedy if he wanted. Instead, he fell into the trap that the rest of us similarly fell into: medicine. His writing style is witty, realistic, and pulls no punches. It is medical school the way it really is. It encapsulates what so many of us think (or will think) on a daily basis. I applaud him for his continued efforts at humor and in some way educating those who are not in medicine. KUDOS!

-Not everything is peaches and butterflies. The unfortunate aspect of medicine is that it breeds red-liners. We are driven to achieve more than we thought possible at the outset. We are tested in a trial by fire every day. That is not exactly the type of environment that nurtures fun loving, happy-go-lucky people who see things through rose-colored glasses.

Yes, medicine it tough; it does harden your personality and sense of humor. You start to joke about autopsies and anatomy lab. It is a defense mechanism to separate yourself from the truly graphic nature of the tasks you are performing. It becomes second nature to look for release, by any means possible.

I do agree that balance is a good thing, but again medicine is full of red-liners who go 150 mph and then have to decompensate at some point. We study hard and party hard(er).

This is not limited to physicians, other people in the medical field experience this too. We do relate to a "non-medical" population. It just takes a second to put your mind in that mode. I'm sure you don't go around every day talking about having dyspnea or a case of acute eczematous dermatitis (that's shortness of breath and poison ivy for everyone playing along at home).

Medicine is another language and a different mindset. So, sometimes it is difficult to switch back. It is similar to being in a different country for an expanded period of time and then coming back to the US. There is an associated culture shock that goes along with it.

I am not an apologist; I'm a realist that deals with life and all the situations it brings. Life is tough. It hits you in the face and asks no questions. It pulls no punches and neither should I. But this blog does pull punches and makes an attempt to not be completely offensive to "non-medical" types. Again, if you don't like what I have to say, don't read my blog. You can comment and I won't delete it, but I'm not forcing you to continue to read.

-Justin Martyr (only religiously inclined people would understand, but whatever. Educate yourself!)

apathy

2006-03-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

If you don't like my blog or what I have to say, don't read it. I don't care if you don't agree with my politics. I have enough friends.

BBall Time

2006-03-25T07:27:00.000-08:00

As you all know (and if you don't, close this window right now) we are in the season of unproductiveness. Spring, yes, but more importantly March Madness. With all these games on television, I haven't seen better broadcasting since Olympic Ice Dancing with Tanith Belbin or Curling with Cassie Johnson. Granted, these girls are much better looking and more nimble, but they can't post up against LSU's Big Baby Glen Davis (but then again who can?). Why fight this urge to watch basketball? Why do something more productive? These games are some of the best finishes I've seen since some of Peter North's escapades.

Okay, that had two references to olympic athletes, a reference to college basketball, and a porn reference. I'm doing well so far.

To finish up this post, I need to work in the word of the day. Due to the recent increase in disaffection towards a certain individual. My new metier will be to continue the spread of dislike and contempt for the rest of this semester, clinical rotations, and anyone else who comes into contact with aforementioned individual.

-SAMM founder and current executioner

P.S. Cardiology- why not? If you are inginuitive you can end up wearing Versace to clinic and hand out thousand dollar scholarships and Darth Vader stethoscopes like water.

25 Keys of Running

2006-03-21T19:59:00.000-08:00

So, as is my perogative, I will continue to voice my opinion on articles on runnersworld.com pro or con (mostly pro). This edition of my article review is devoted to some key points to running. These might be in a book somewhere, they might have just been developed by people shooting the breeze on a run. Or, the least possible scenario: a physician developed them. For someone who has been running competitively to semi-competitively for over a decade, most of these come as common sense to me. I realized as I was purusing them, that other people might not think of them as common sense. They might even see some of these rules as counter-intuitive. I'll highlight some of my favorites, but I strongly encourage you to read the entire article. I know it is a bit long, but you can speed read through it.

The 2-Day rule: If something hurts for two straight days while running. Take two days off.
The Heads-Beats-Tails rule: A headwind slows you down more than a tailwind speeds you up. (I discussed this with one of my friends while cycling the other day. We used physics to explain it, but I'll keep it non-science as possible) Running into a headwind can slow you down to half speed, but the tailwind can't possibly speed you up to twice your pace. Okay, I have to put some numbers to this: running at 10 mi/h into a 5 mi/h headwind slows you to 5 mi/h, but running with a 5 mi/h tailwind at 10 mi/h only equals 15 mi/h at most, not 20 mi/h. Using physics: think of it in terms of vectors.
The Seven Year rule: Runners improve for about seven years until they plateau. Lower mileage runners improve longer.
The Sleep rule: Sleep an extra minute per night for every mile that you run in a week. Ex: Doing a 25 mile week? Sleep an extra 25 minutes EACH night.

Also, check out the dress for success table to know how to dress properly for different weather conditions.

The 25 Golden Rules of Running

Update on Sport Jelly Beans

2006-03-18T19:26:00.000-08:00

So, as promised, I tried out some of the Sport Jelly Beans made by Jelly Belly. I was on a ride with one of my buddies. We went for 35 miles at a medium pace. I used half the bag of beans at about 18 miles and then the rest at about 33 miles. It kinda sucked because I didn't really get the bag open all the way and was basically sucking the beans out of the bag. (that didn't sound great, but... whatever) So, we were tooling along and I snagged some of the beans to recharge. As I popped them in I noticed, as I began to chew them, that they basically turned into a gel. Which isn't exactly what I expected, but nevertheless I watered them down as you are supposed to do with gel, and as I recommended. I tried the Lemon-lime flavored ones and basically they tasted like gatorade flavored gel. They were sugary, but I didn't really notice any effects other than ones similar to eating regular jelly beans. Just like eating any kind of sugar on the bike. I would rather eat a granola bar or a Snickers Marathon, a favorite of mine.

The beans were as I expected them to be, a meager attempt by Jelly Belly to enter the sport supplement market. They would be better served by remaining in their key demographic (kids) and stick to their main draw: Jelly Beans as candy. It seems that these beans turned to gel immediately. I don't remember the regular Jelly Beans doing that, although, I haven't had regular Jelly Beans in years, so understandably I don't remember the texture of chewing 5 Jelly Beans. I believe the other flavor is orange. If anyone tries that flavor, let me know what you think. I am interested.

Also, if anyone has used Accelerade as a sport drink let me know. I'm interested to see whether people think it makes a difference as compared to other supplements. For those of you that aren't familiar with Accelerade, it has the normal electrolyte composition of sodium, glucose, and potassium. The main difference is that Accelerade also has a protein component to it, albeit a smaller percentage of the total drink than say glucose. Accelerade uses the ratio of 4 grams of carbos to 1 gram of protein. Accelerade claims that the protein content increases the ability of your body to absorb the other electrolytes. It is not a protein drink per se, but their claim is that during a workout the protein is used to actively build muscles. It is also supposed to increase the content of muscle glycogen.
Visit their website at: Accelerade.com
To read more about their "research" visit: Accelerade.com: Studies

Erin Go Braugh

2006-03-17T06:31:00.000-08:00

Happy St. Patty's Day.
I encourage you to go out and have a Guinness, a Harp's, a Smithwicks', or a shot of Bushmill's. No one get a dooey. I hear they aren't fun.

"Everyone's Irish on St. Patty's Day."

Vail

2006-03-17T05:37:00.000-08:00

So... Vail, the Valhalla for skiiers and boarders (as was quoted from Fodor's guide to the Rocky Mountains), what more can I say? With 5268 acres of mounatin space, 34 lifts, and 16" of snow in the past 7 days, Vail is well... Vail. It is in a class by itself. It has a plethora of off track, unmarked trails. It has plenty of blacks and double blacks to break your neck on. Basically, if I could spend a season there I would. So, interesting story time, or will I continue to rant? Ok, story time:

When we last left Colorado, my lungs were burning with the fury of a Texas brush fire. We made our trek to Vail, a mere half an hour from the 3K site. We were scheduled to stay with friends in the Valley. Once we arrived in Vail, we (Sweet) had already called our people three times to no avail. So, we did what any tired travelers would do after running a 3K race and then walking an additional 3K in snowshoes and freezing in the 15 degree weather without warm beverages, we went to the marquee business operation for the United States: Safeway. Okay, we went to the Safeway b/c there was a Starbucks inside. (It's Vail, there's a Starbucks everywhere. They served Starbucks at the lodges on top of the mountain for Pete's sake.) So, we drank our assorted caffeinated beverages and waited. We waited, and waited, and then avoided some psycho girl that Sweet knew, and waited some more. Sweet continually called our hook up and the messages got funnier. It was reminiscent of Office Space when Lumberg continually calls Peter. We also witnessed some guy running his business, whatever it might be, from the Starbucks portion of Safeway. That or he was buying illegal goods, but that could have been his business. So I'm not sure. I digress (you can tell I've been hanging out with DLMWS, my stories seem to ramble for hours. Here is a real aside, Sweet told a story that I swear was 15 mintues long. Then he retold the same story that night. We all gave him blank stares for the second time around).

So, we finally arrive where we are staying for the night: an amazing house in West Vail with 6 or 7 bedrooms and a bathroom every 10 feet. This house was pimp. So, we walk in the front door and are met by a cloud of some herbal smell. Now, I won't say what the smell eminated from, but it rhymes with "mead". I saw the bag of "mead," and it looked like a giant "mead" popsicle. It was probably close to a QP, for those of you who know what that is. So, we hung out and ate at the "mead house" and finally passed out, only to wake up to loud music and carousing at 1 AM ish. I felt like I was back in pledgeship when people would come through the cold dorm at 3AM drunk and loud. So, a brief smile crept onto my face. It quickly faded as I passed out again.

I awoke to the sound of a phone ringing, only to realize it was my own. I didn't get to it in time, but I did see who it was and wondered why said person was calling. Congrats Mike. Biz is awesome. Another one bites the dust. There are still 11 of us hanging tough. (13 if you count the MIAs) Keep strong fellas.

So, fast forward to us on the mountain. It was all good, until we got to the back bowls and realized that a cloud had settled on the mountain. Visibility: poor. We also had to get to the other side of the mountain to get to the bowls that we wanted to ski. So, we had to go down a run to get us to the other side. Easy right? No, we chose a black with multiple mogul runs with 4 inches of powder covering icy moguls. Oh, and we couldn't see 100 ft. due to the fog. So, we got down after many trials and tribulations. Yes, I hit the ground more than Paris Hilton's underwear on Valentine's Day. It was not pretty, but we made it.

For the next 2 hours we had some good runs. Pynner and I decided to hit the head and wait for Spoo and Sweet to finish a run or two. So, we treked to the lodge only to discover that it was in a white-out. We lunched and decided to head down the mountain (some people had soccer games to play). So, outside the lodge the visibility was 100 ft. We got to the first run and the visibility was 75 ft. On the way down, the visibility got to 50 ft. Suddenly we were in the middle of a blizzard trying to navi down a run that we can't see. We hardly saw each other. It honestly looked as if we skiied into a bottle of white-out. There was no color separation: all white. (So basically Sweet was right at home. Aryans...)

We hurried down the mountain, took some pics, and loaded up cars, only to run into bumper to bumper traffic all the way to Denver. A normal 90 minute drive took approx. 4 hours. On the bright side, Sweet and I got a healthy dose of exhaust for a couple hours and got cut-off by a guy who had "I kill Tail-Gaters" on his bumper. How fitting. Then Tiny danced on him.

Conditions: hey, my lungs don't hurt as bad, but I still have something living in them.

Music: Against Me!

blogging from Denver

2006-03-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'm in Denver. It's sunny and 30ish, so not bad for March 14th. Here's an update on the events that have occurred recently: Susan Komen Romp to Stomp 3K Snowshoe Race: what someone stabbing a knife into your lungs must feel like. So, I knew that the race was going to suck, but this really sucked. It all started when we had 5 minutes to the gun upon arriving at the start. Warmup you ask? Nay. So, I strapped snowshoes on for the first time, never having taken a step in them and prepared myself for racing at 9600 ft. in elevation (also having never done previously). The gun sounded and we were off. I asked my friend from college, Denver native, previous cross country runner what pace to take. He said, "something slow." "Okay," I said to myself. 8 min/mi is pretty slow. I started at my 8 min/mi pace only to realize I was leading the damn race. Now, for a previous sprinter, this is a good thing. Your leading the race, setting the pace, not a bad deal. I was feeling good. Lung felt fine; legs felt fine. We were on groomed snow, so not really needing the snowshoes. All of a sudden, I see the track veers right, into the woods. Suddenly we are now single track, going uphill and fast. Now, I'm feeling some twinge of exertion. And then it happens. We're about 400 meters from the start, and my lungs start to feel like someone set them on fire in my chest. I go into oxygen debt and realize I'm slowing down. FAST. My 8 min/mi pace becomes 9, 10, shit: I have to walk. Okay, I still can't breathe. Time to stop. Yep, that's right. I usually run a mile or so warm up normally, and I have to stop about 500 meters after starting a race. I step to the side of the track and let Sweet by. Along with about 30 other people, even before I can catch my breath. My 3K race, turned into a 3K walk/jog of hell. So, after humbling myself greatly, I regain my breath and continue on. Uphill, uphill, uphill, are we ever going to flatten out? Finally the course plateaus and I can jog. And now, we descend. A nice and easy 45 degrees down bubble on a single track with snowshoes onto mixed powder and track. (Not safe) Finally get down level again and have to walk some more. I drag myself to the finish line into a crowd of people that doesn't part; I feel like puking on their snowshoes, which Sweet did apparently. Apparently, this course was designed by a chick who is the national champion of snowshoeing. I'll look her up and give you names after I get back to my base of operations.

3K race: "I wish that had turned out better."

Vail: next post (involves a blizzard, hellish driving conditions, and illegal substances) I'll get some pics up ASAP.

Altitude training/running: soon to come

Current condition: damn my lungs are still burning and now i have a bug living in them.

Legs: RETURNED

2006-03-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

This story was recently brought to my attention by one of my readers and friends. In an update to one of my previous posts entitled Give me my leg back!! I chronicled a young 16 year old girl who was hit by a car and had her leg amputated (I don't know if it was ATK or BTK so don't ask). She was fitted for a prosthesis and went on with her life, until that device along with another was stolen from her house in Arcadia, CA. The legs, not stolen once, but twice were recently found in the mother's unlocked car in Arcadia High School's parking lot. The legs were returned in working order, but with graffiti on them. The girl was to pick up another replacement leg this Friday. Teen's stolen legs returned

Okay, so someone stole the legs. For whatever purpose we will never know. Vandalized them, and then returned them. I'm so flabbergasted it's unbelieveable. And did you notice that the mother's car was unlocked in the parking lot? I don't know what kind of town these people live in, but if my daughter's LEGS were stolen from our house, I'd be at least locking my car doors. Maybe there is another underlying subplot that the media isn't reporting (I know, imagine that. The media not report the whole story?). Maybe it's possible that this girl routinely beat people over the head with her legs. Maybe she used them as air guitars. Maybe she threw them like boomerangs. And the person who stole the legs was the usual target of these attacks. Maybe they were protecting themselves from assault by stealing this girl's legs. Maybe they were taking them for their little sister who was also hit by a car (I've proposed this theory before). Maybe... No, probably not. These morons that stole the legs were probably just that morons, trying to be funny or trying to support their crack habit the only way they knew how: stealing. Either way, karma will follow these theives and they will be paid their retribution sooner or later.

Another idea: put a tracking device on those legs, damn. Trick them out with some GPS or something. Frivolous, yes, but taking into consideration they have already been stolen twice, not that far off base.

Off to the races

2006-03-08T08:14:00.000-08:00

So, once again while out running in the wonderful bustling metropolis that is Terre Haute, IN, I was harrassed by a canine. Granted, this time it was not three dogs, led by a giant poodle, but it was a dog that came within a yard of biting my calves clean off. I was running on a sidewalk, not the best place to run for your knees, but... you make due. Over the mix I was jamming to I heard the familiar sounds of one pissed off canine. I heard several barks, turned my head, and saw some kind of mutt dog, no bigger than a small retriever, at my heels. GO TIME!!! Of course this comes at an inopportune time, when I have already gone about 7 miles and I'm slightly fatigued. No matter, endorphins to the rescue. So, after exhasuting a good supply of catecholamines from my adrenal cortex, I was safely out of harm's way. What was my first thought after thanking the Lord that I still had all my parts intact? Why the @#%$ can't the people in this town keep their dogs a.) on a leash b.) INSIDE for once c.) inside an electric fence d.) trained? Nonetheless, I continued on my path, pissed off at an animal that lacks the ability of self-awareness and self-consciousness. Maybe I'll invest in a dog repellant...

Plans for the week:
This weekend I will be in Colorado racing for the Susan Komen Foundation in a 3K snowshoe race on Saturday. Then, on Sunday, I will be skiing in Vail. A nice break from the grind of having my nose pressed in a book 18 hours a day. Now, I know what you fellow runners are thinking: 3K? That's my warm up. Why race 3K? And, I'll answer you. First, it's a SNOWSHOE race. You're racing on snow. Ever tried that before? Ok, me neither, but I'll let you know. Second, it's a 12,000 ft. in elevation. Now, for comparison, the highest point in Indiana I believe is something like 920 feet above sea level. Now, imagine running the 3K, but in vertical elevation. Now you see the difficulty. I will be at a distinct disadvantage to all the people that live in Frisco (where the race is) or in Denver (which is at approx. 5500 ft. and where my friend lives). The other problem with the drastic change in elevation over a short time span is the same problem that is faced by climbers. Altitude sickness. Not a big deal you say? Well, after you get passed the worst headache of your life and the vomiting, you still have the pulmonary and cerebral edema possibility. (That is a bad thing, for the non-medically inclined.) Worried you ask? Nay, for I am young and invincible, other than my patellar tendonitis, my repeated shin splints, a propensity for blistering feet during races, and the fact that I'll be racing in single digit temperatures. (Pause for chuckle,noted intended irony, and arrogance)

I'll follow up this jaunt to Colorado with several bike rides with a friend in Ft. Wayne, IN. Average mileage of the ride(s): probably going to be in the 50-60s. Thankfully at lower elevation than Colorado, but still demanding in their own regard, since my friend is a cycling fanatic. I will need a week break to recover after my Spring Break.

Save travels to everyone that is leaving the state, going to California, Mississippi, or wherever.

Current study music: some techno podcast that i found on iTunes called Percussion Lab Presents.

Man's Guide

2006-03-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

Here is a little chicken soup for your heathenous, self-deprecating, perverted soul:
The Male's Guide to Faking It.

patience

2006-03-05T06:21:00.000-08:00

I know people are anxious for another post. All in good time. I am formulating some ideas and researching others. No one likes a pre-mature anything, so... relax.

Wedding Crashing

2006-02-22T12:17:00.000-08:00

Found these while surfing to quell my emotions.
The Rules of Wedding Crashing:
Trivia for Wedding Crashers

Enjoy

Death

2006-02-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

One of my friends died last night in D.C. He was only 23 years old. He had his life ahead of him. It was snatched from him in the blink of an eye. A smart, educated, philosophically minded Catholic. A great 400 meter runner. A Wabash man. Ken will be missed by many.
Wabash Mourns

Give me my leg back!!

2006-02-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

Now, depending on how you read this article will determine how hilarious you think it is. I'll just give you the byline and let you read it for yourself: Girl's prosthetic legs stolen for second time

Now, what kind of motivation do you need to steal a prosthetic leg? Are you that hard up for money that you're going to sell it? I'm just trying to picture the conversation that lead up to this. Did they survey the house first and say, "We're robbing this house because they have prosthetic legs?" Were these bozos searching for people with prosthetic legs to rob? Or were they robbing the house and then coincidentally stumbled upon the prosthetic leg and decided it would be a good idea to steal it? Then they proceeded to put everything else back and take the leg? And what kind of fence are you going to that will actually buy this thing and has enough confidence in it's resale value? I mean you don't just walk up to a pawn shop and sell a prosthetic leg do you? I mean it's not generic like crutches or a walker; it is a specially designed piece of medical equipment. And if you are going to go through all the trouble to stake out the house and take the leg, why leave it in the backyard? Did they decide on the way out of the yard that they had made a mistake and had gotten last year's model? Were they stealing it for their friend with one leg, and she specifically wanted the 2006 Kawasaki 893X model? I mean crack heads don't think like this. They just rob people in the street to go buy crack. They don't steal legs to sell them. Unbelieveable. Unfathomable.

Running Tunes

2006-02-17T18:38:00.000-08:00

Many people like to run with music. Plug your headphones into your iPod, or whatever you are using, and go. I like to switch up what I listen to while I run. Sometimes I listen to a podcast specifically about running, called Phedippidations. It is produced by a marathoner out of New England, who publishes the cast once a week. I recommend it for listening while running, while driving, while doing anything. You can find it on iTunes or at Steve Runner. In addition, or alternative to that, I listen to techno, hip hop, alternative, whatever I feel motivates me to run. It also depends upon the workout that I'm doing. If I'm going for a long run, I'll choose techno, because the song lasts an average of 45 min to an hour. If I'm doing a speed workout, I'll choose some Beastie Boys or Cake, because it's faster paced. It depends solely upon your taste of music.

As another alternative to listening to music, routinely I will go without music if I'm out on a long run. That way I can collect my thoughts and reflect upon any issues in my training that I'm focusing on currently or any issues in my life, random thoughts, ideas for blog posts, usually not school, but occasionally that creeps in. I would like to hear what you listen to while you work out, run, lift, zone out... whatever.

Here is a brief list of some of the bands/songs/podcasts that I listen to while I run:
(Podcasts) Phedippidations, Percussion Lab Presents, EverymanTriathlon.com, Running Radio
(Bands (in no specific order)) Beastie Boys, Cake, Pearl Jam, Benny Benassi, The Bloodhound Gang, AGAINST ME!, Chemical Brothers, Eminem, Fall Out Boy, Kanye West, Paul Oakenfold, Mos Def, Notorious BIG, Blink 182, The Dandy Warhols, Nirvana, My Chemical Romance, and others...

I find that I have to mix up my music, by either having it on shuffle or changing playlists. Otherwise, I get bored, the last thing you want to do while running. Keep your mind occupied and off the fact that you're punishing yourself for no good reason. Some people use mantras for this. I just think about something else. There is always plenty to think about while you are in BFE running on country roads or trails. If you don't like my music: I don't care; it works for me. But, Runners World has a link to music that some actually good runners listen to: Listen While You Run

Size: Is it really worth everything?

2006-02-14T16:56:00.000-08:00

The entire world took a further step into the toilet this last year. A Reuters news story today stated an incredible finding. The Long and Short of it According to researchers in Europe, if there is such a thing, the most hyped surgery currently is penis enlargement. Who or what is to thank for all this hype? Spam. All that crap that you receive in your inbox has contributed to a slew of morons actually partaking in this ridiculous surgery, genital cosmetic surgery. Yes, you read that correctly, genital, not general, genial, nor congenital, genital cosmetic surgery. (A side note: this is not limited to males. Females are partaking in this slew of idiocy as well.) I can't make this stuff up, it's too unbelievable.

A further factor in this perpetuation of nonsense are shows like Nip/Tuck on FX, A Gender Story on TLC, and True Life, I'm Addicted to Plastic Surgery on MTV. I saw something on Nip/Tuck where a woman had her lips implanted onto her labia. On MTV, they had some woman that had over 60 plastic surgeries. I'm sure at least one of them was on her vagina. I know she had her breasts done a couple times. Alright, I made up the gender story thing, but I did watch something on TLC about a doc who had "gender reassignment surgery" and then performed them for s/her patients. (It was on at like 2AM, and I have a touch of insomnia sometimes. I think it comes with the territory.) Conflict of interest? You decide. I digress.

Few questions: Are these emails portraying the entire truth about the surgery? (Need you really ask this?) Are these morons satisfied with their enlargement surgeries? (and finally, for my own personal benefit) What is the average increase in size? Is it worth it?

A further question: what insurance do you have that will pay for this thing? "Excuse me, I'd like to enlarge my penis. Is that included in my policy?" I can only imagine the expression on the insurance agent's face.

Okay, here we go: Are these emails 100% truthful? Absolutely not. These emails, in addition to being inaccurate and giving unrealistic expectations, are downright criminal, but then again, they are targeting morons. "Stupid is forever."- Ron White. Are these bozos satisfied with going under general anesthetic and having someone needlessly cut on their penises? Nope. According to these researchers, the dissatisfaction rate was in excess of 70%, and most men asked for another surgical procedure. Okay, the question that you all want to know. What is the average increase in size? A whopping 1.3 cm, which is roughly half an inch. Now, if you only have a 3 inch penis (erect) to begin with, that is a 16.67% increase in size, which you might consider to be worth it. But, if you have a 3 inch penis to begin with, you should probably keep that to yourself. You know should know that even the docs doing this procedure will be laughing at you. Take my advice for what you will. I am not a physician.

The most interesting line of this article was the last one, stating that patients inquiring about this surgery should be referred to psychological counseling. The results of this study are reported in the journal of European Urology.

Dog Treat

2006-02-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

So, today while out on my weekly long run. It was supposed to be 5 miles, but I went 6. I know this isn't really a long run, but it's the first week of my training schedule, so its supposed to be easy. I digress. So I'm out on my run minding my own business in the snow, when I see these three dogs run out of their yard and into the road in front of me. They are barking and look like they haven't been fed in a week or so. Mind you, I'm out in BFE while this is happening. On my left is their yard, which has a pseudo-fence. On my right is a barbed wire fence. So, as I slowly back away from the lead dog, which is a giant poodle, a dog I despise, I'm running options through my head. I can a.) find something to swing at these dogs and further piss them off. b.) run at these things and take my chances of getting bit.(mind you I'm wearing about 1/8" of fabric on my legs, which these dogs think of as drumsticks) c.) continue to back up and run an extra couple of miles out of my way. d.) pray their owner hears them barking. So, as any choose your own adventure book, you make your own ending. You can think of scenarios that follow each of these options.

The real ending goes something like this: I continue to back up slowly from these unfriendly doggies with my hands up for what seems to be an eternity. When out of my left field of vision I see their owner, some hilljack wearing this winter's plaid collection. She calls her dogs back as I stand there in my urine puddle. The dogs retreat back to the yard. After about 20 seconds I decide they are far enough away from me that I can continue on without the fear of becoming a late lunch.

Maybe I'll start carrying some sort of dog repellent. Or I'll just accept the fact that I seem to attract dogs and have an uncanny ability to encounter Terre Haute's finest individuals in my daily life here. This place sucks.

Smart Cards for Smart Doctors

2006-02-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

This week an article in American Medical News touted the first large scale implementation of patient "smart cards." Smart cards test These cards are photo ID cards that have an integrated 64 bit chip which contains encrypted patient information. The type of ingformation on the chip is to the tune of pt. demographics, health history, allergies, meds, and lab results. This information can only be decrypted when the pt. enters their PIN on a card reader. This feature can be overrided in emergent situations when the pt. is unconscious or can't type in the PIN.

These cards will be implemented at Mount Sinai hosptial, New York, along with eight affiliated hospitals and clinics in the New York area. The cards will be used to facilitate patient information between physicians. If this trial, which will begin sometime midyear, is successful, it can be expanded to the entire New York area or the nation. This is part of President Bush's initiative to create a national health network in 10 years.

With the implementation of these cards in the New York area, information can be passed seamlessly between hospitals and clinics. For those of you that aren't in the health care industry, this has the potential to be a revolutionizing move. There are programs now that allow transfer of pt. information between hospitals and related clinics. Unfortunately, if the patient goes to a clinic outside of the network, their labs or films are not accessible. Also, this can facilitate the taking of a pt. history. This can be a decievingly difficult thing. Patients seem to delete or add information depending on who is taking the history. This way their past medical history can be followed and accurately treated.

The potential downside of this is identity fraud. Of course, why would one want to steal the health history of an 81 year old man with a history of type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure? I don't know either, but I suppose it could happen. What happens if these people lose their cards? What if they keep their ID card next to their credit card and it erases it? What if they don't have a card? Will they still receive the same level of care if they are not included in this study? What type of patients will be given cards? Will they be only patients with chronic disease (DM2, COPD, CHF, hypercholesterolemia, CAD), or will they also be patients like myself with little to no significant past medical Hx? How will they track the efficiency of patient information transfer? This is a hard thing to track, as one might imagine.

With all these questions about data management, patient management, and study composition, the trial should be controversial regardless of the outcome. I'm hoping that the clinical trial shows the cards to be of benefit to patients and physicians. Unfortunately, the results of the clinical trial won't be available for a couple years if that early.

Run Tracker

2006-02-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

Hola kiddies,
I have just found my new favorite website. I have sent the link to some of you, but in case I didn't, here it is: America's Running Routes It is better than the running paths that Runner's World has as their monthly focus. Their runs are in places like Key West or through Central Park or somewhere like that. Somewhere not many people visit on a regular basis, well that I don't visit on a regular basis. That's because I'm poor, and apparently will always be if I can't graduate and pay off my f-ing loans.

A little personal aside for me: the feeling that I have towards Pathology right now defies description. It is truly ineffable because of all the emotion tied up in it. It truly pisses me off when I study like crazy for a test and subsequently fail it. Yes, medical students fail exams. It happens, quite frequently apparently. As long as you pass the final, you pass the class. And then, as if that wasn't enough to have someone, who will remain nameless, tell you that tuition is going up 12-20% next year. Just kick me in the nuts face to face. Don't hide behind a desk and a plaque and think that since the govt. cut your funding you can donkey punch all the medical students at the nation's second largest medical school. Cut your own salary and maybe don't spend $500 million for an expansion of a hosptial. How about you stop dicking us around. I think that we have enough, as students and as people trying to live our lives, to worry about without you putting more financial burden upon us. Thanks to all the Deans at IUSM. I appreciate it.

On a happier note, I will be making a trip to Columbus in two weeks to talk about Region V AMA issues. This is a great opportunity to network with other students, learn about some interesting topics from guest lecturers, learn about residency opportunities in Ohio, and to party with people that I haven't seen every day for the last 18 mos. of my shitty existence in this port-a-potty of a town. Bonus: it is all paid for by people who are so wrapped up in their lives and who are so hell-bent upon making a name for themselves, they will do anything to get a good review of their center. I swear the management of this center is here solely to make a name for themselves and prove to someone that they are worthy of something else, something more. God forbid that these jerk-offs (and by these, I mean one jerk-off and his subsequent secretary) are allowed to have more power over people. I think that vindication will be had when, as an alumnus, I will make explicit instructions that my donations NOT be given to any fund this a-hole has any hand in. I would like nothing more for him to take a leave of absence for him to go to Australia, or where ever he thinks is best to follow around some guy who knows Tai-Chi. He worships this guy like the messiah simply because he made his own form of Tai-Chi or knows the 13 styles of Tai-Chi, something asinine like that. (I understand this is a bit hard to follow without names or situations, but that's just the way it has to be right now.)

Enough ranting, check out the USATF website and plan your next run or ride with confidence in the mileage you are traversing.

Check back soon for more websites related to running or cycling or something that will get you off your gluts and outside.

-Seacrest out

Water your beans

2006-02-03T10:04:00.000-08:00

The Jelly Belly corporation has unveiled a new product line called Sport Beans. These Sport Beans are targeted toward the growing population of fitness enthusiasts and is Jelly Belly's attempt to break into the $3.2 billion market of energy products. What do these Sport Beans have in them? I'm glad you pondered this question. I wondered the same thing, so I did some investigation. Here is what the corporation says about their new beans.
"Sport Beans by Jelly Belly, made in Lemon Lime and Orange flavors, are larger, traditional jelly beans with something extra. Each one-ounce serving contains 25 grams of carbohydrates, 20% of the daily value for Vitamins C and E, and 120mg of electrolytes to boost energy and maintain hydration. A serving has 100 calories."
(posted on Jelly Belly's website: Sport Beans)
The beans sell for 99 cents for a 1 oz. package and will be available this summer.

Will these beans live up to their companies popularity of the original beans? Will they taste like the original beans or simply a little piece of energy supplement crap? I understand why they are marketing the beans to athletes. First, to get in on the $3.2 billion market that is currently expanding. Second, these beans are their own packaging. You don't have to down an entire packet of GU or Gel or whatever you are using as a carbohydrate supplement while exercising. A word of warning: The key to any carbohydrate replacement product is to DRINK WATER!! These products are loaded with simple sugars and electrolytes that start to be broken down in your mouth by salivary amylase. If you were to "shoot" a gel while running and not drink water in a timely manner, you would cramp up and your mouth would feel like you just tried to eat glue (your stomach would cramp, not your mouth).

Physiologically speaking while exercising your blood is moving faster through your peripheral circulation, all but bypassing completely your GI tract. Skeletal muscle intrinsically requires more energy than your smooth muscle lined GI tract. Therefore, you are not actively digesting food while exercising. If you were to shoot the gel without providing a fluid to initiate distention in your stomach, your body will not divert enough blood to actively absorb the sugars and electrolytes in the gel and you will cramp. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone has shot some gel and then not gotten water in fast enough to avoid that gummy feeling in your mouth. It sucks. So, back to the beans. Make sure if you actually use this product that you suck down some water with the beans. I will grab a packet or two and try them on a long run or ride and let you know what I think.

Fatty eating

2006-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

Welcome to America, the land of dieting, speed dieting. This is America. We can't do anything fast enough. We are in a hurry for everything. Even to diet. Our culture is in the throws of a bi-peaked distribution of weight classes. I see one section of our nation becoming larger and larger. They eat at McDonald's, Hardee's, Wendy's, Arby's, the list goes on. Fast food- one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century. It all started in California, as many trends do and then moved eastward. People have become dependent upon these "resturants" for their daily intake of calories. Most of these calories are derived directly from fat. These fast-food diets are augmented by a sedentary lifestyle. A lifestyle that generates so many health problems including but not limited to: hypercholesterolemia, coronary artery disease, diabetes mellitus, COPD, and congestive heart failure.

The other peak in the distribution are people who are very concerned with their weight and health. These people are so concerned with their weight and health that they have become obsessed. Now, don't misunderstand me, it is great to watch your weight and be active. It is the greatest thing. It makes me happy that these people are so concerned with their health, but they carry it to an extreme. These are the people that try to eliminate fat completely in their diet. These people go on the Atkin's and never wean themselves off. Or they go on a juice diet. (I have met these pepole) There is a right and a wrong way to monitor your diet and be concerned about your health. It is not healthy to cut fat out of your diet completely. Here is an article that might help if you are going to cut fat down in your diet: Healthy fat

Gladiatorum Rashes

2006-02-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

Dermatology, everyone's favorite lectues. They are filled with pictures of gentilia loaded with ulcerative lesions, seeping wounds, and outright bleeding. On the other end of the spectrum are pictures of every type of mole and pimple known to man. The plethora of diseases the human body can harbor is mind numbing. The purpose of these lectures of morbidity and mortality is simply this: exposure. It has been brought to my attention that no resident or attending physician expects you to remember the plethora of diseases and conditions that can result in the human body. Comforting. I'm paying $44,000 a year to listen to lectures that I'm not really expected to know. Why would someone want to become a dermatologist? They have one of the most competitive residencies. Why? Why would you want to look at skin all day? Good hours and good pay. Those are pretty much all the reasons I can come up with. It's surprising the amount of gore that you are exposed to in medical school, and you take it all in stride. You start to look for the gorey pictures. No one thinks of the people that have these diseases we are observing. These people's disease is no longer self-limited or treatable. It now can last forever. Their disease is now cemented in time through their pictures. No wonder why some cultures fear that pictures will steal their souls. It will.

ECG

2006-01-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure what it is about ECGs, but I find them infinitely fascinating. I know almost nothing about them, but I think they are so interesting. Well, I can tell some of the basics, but I have no idea about the thousand or so rhythms that can occur. Maybe it is the challenge of the so many possibilites that I enjoy. I'd consider cardiology if I could do invasive cardiology. I know it sounds sadistic, but I like to cut people. I think it is something about instant gratification that draws me to it. We'll see what happens when I do my rotations. I'll probably like everything, well other than family practice. Not a huge fan of family practice. In fact, I'm not a huge fan of pursuing primay care in the least. It just doesn't fit my personality type. Also the reason why I can't be a PA. If i'm in the plane, I have to be the pilot.

Running sick

2006-01-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone gets a rhinovirus infection at some point or another. Great. What does that mean? Rhinovirus is the most common infective agent causing the common cold. Does this prohibit you from following your training program? I know that some colds make your head feel as if its going to explode. Mine feels that way right now. I feel as if I got chained to the railroad tracks, which are oh so abundant in TH, and a train ran over my head. So how do you decide if you are too sick to workout? In honor of my own cold, here is an article to help you with that decision.
In Sickness and in Health

New Year's Resolution

2006-01-18T18:07:00.000-08:00

So, as part of the two or three resolutions that I made a couple weeks ago, I included one about my blog. I resolve to include more articles about running and cycling and outdoorsy things to prove that I don't just sit inside and read medical stuff for 14 hours a day. Its more like 10 hours devoted to indoor torture in the form of my Robbins and Cotran Pathologic Basis of Disease book. So, here we go.

I know that many runners and cyclists suffer from this plague upon our training schedules. Mental blockage. You feel like you start a training plan with all the energy needed to run a marathon that day. Unfortunately training programs can be inherently boring unless you spice them up. Here is an article to coax you out of your exercising doldrums: Change Your Mind

Let me know what you think.

Post-Winter Break/Pre-Spring Break Slump

2006-01-18T17:23:00.000-08:00

January, possibly the lonliest month of the year. The Holiday season has left you with 80% liver function, less for some of us, and now the only thing that you have to look forward to is... MLK day? Certainly not Valentine's Day for those of us that are and will continue to be single. V-day is a touchy subject sometimes. I feel that I teeter back and forth on whether I think that it truly is a capitalistic holiday, a brain child of the people at Hallmark, who right now sit in their $2,000 leather office chairs and chuckle at our desire to fulfill what has become a cultural norm of chocolates and cards for a gloomy day in the shortest month of the year. OR... I sometimes think that it represents a day when you should gift things to the ones that you care about most. Not gift in the capitalistic Christmas sense, which has also become a cultural norm (more about that later), but more like a true appreciation of one's wellbeing and friendship, a sort of Thanksgiving for the beginning of the year. Of course my feelings on the issue tend to depend on whether or not I am dating someone at the time, and on the amount of Elliott Smith that I listen to in the days or weeks preceeding the holiday.

Here is my aside for Christmas, and how it has become so little of what it was intended to be. One of my friends, who is Hindu, asked a doc at the hospital how his Christmas was. Innocent question, aside from the fact that the doctor was Hindu as well. He responded that it went well and both went about their business. I said to my friend, "Dude, you don't believe in Christmas." He responded with, " No, I don't, but we put up a tree and have presents underneath it at home." I was taken aback for a second. This is the kid who's mother won't touch meat because she is such a strict vegetarian (a Hindu norm), and he's telling me that they have a freaking Christmas tree? It took maybe half a second and then we talked about how it was not a Christian tradition any longer, but an American tradition, well... maybe I should say a Western tradition. Ponder that my sociologically inclined friends.

Back to the lonliness of January. I got up the other day to pitch black skies and a brisk breeze blowing into my face when I left my apartment after 8:00 A.M. (I usually leave much before then. I had a late class.) What a shitty deal. I don't get home until its dark either. So, during January, I see the sun in passing through a hallway or walking to the hospital. Possibly some other time for a brief moment I get an occasional glimpse. All told I will probably see the sun for less than 7 hours a week, and that is probably being too generous about it. That is less than an hour of sun a day. I now know why Alaska has the highest suicide rate among the 50 states. It is either black for months or the sun is up all night and you can't sleep. Not that I'm having suicidal ideations, but it sucks nonetheless.

Out of TH in less than 5 months...

Music selection: What else? Elliott Smith. If I'm never going to see the sun, I might as well play the depression music. My favorite line right now: "Cut this picture into you and me. Burn it backwards. Kill this history." -"Sweet Adeline"
Closely followed by: "I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Better stop now before I start crying." -"Twilight"

Holidays

2006-01-05T09:52:00.000-08:00

Holidays are a time for everyone to brave the family they consistently attempt to avoid and enjoy friends they haven't seen in a while. Gifts from family members who have the impression that you will perpetually be 10 years old. The only thing you can do in this situation is to smile and try not to shake your head in disbelief. The wonderful holidays are augmented by a downright obligation to enjoy food and drink. This acts to loosen the collective tongues and usually acts as a harbinger of conflict. In the event that a conflict does not erupt, there are always people who feel obliged to talk behind other people's backs once they have left. This is of course moot if you actually like everyone in your family, but who has one of those families? You should love everyone in the family, but that doesn't mean you have to like them at all times. You know the family members of whom I speak. Everyone has them in their family. That's what I love about American families, the disfunction. And, as screwed up as you think your family is, let me remind of you of the monkeys that appear on talk shows (namely, Jerry Springer). Those people are screwed up.

(This is an aside, prepare yourself) I saw the title of a talk show, don't remember which one, but it was something like: "I slept with your husband and son." What kind of attention craving monkeys go on these shows? Now, I understand that the producers of the shows pit these people against eachother, and in many cases make up the story (because no one can be that stupid), but honestly... Is your life that boring that you feel the need to go on Springer and fight someone?

Anyways, holidays are incredibly funny if you take a step back and look at them from a distance (along with many things that happen in our daily lives).

Relief

2005-12-16T04:53:00.000-08:00

Finals are over. Final count of coffee was in the 400's of oz. Well over the goal of 256 oz. I am confident that I had about 3 gallons in a week and a half. Now its just time to detox from my caffienated study session.

In the time immediately after finals people are still in a whipped dog mentality. The feeling that you are continually being beat down by "the man". The beauty of "Winter Break" has not set in yet. Once you have a meal and realize that you have nothing left to do for school this calendar year, the relief appears. The kind of relief that can be had only by having nothing to do. The post finals experience gets more and more difficult. It becomes an ever challenging transition between study and do nothing. As school progresses, the amount and speed at which studying is done accelerates. This becomes problematic when a break hits. I equate it to a crash test dummy. The car is at standstill with the "dummy" (aka medical student) in the driver seat. The car goes from 0 to 60 in a split second only to run head first into a reinforced concrete barrier. Whiplash, some cuts and scrapes, and pain when breathing are just some of the problems. Now just imagine what the crash test engineer feels. (I don't think that "dummy" is the PC term anymore.) Running head first into a standstill is probably why many medical students develop drinking problems. You spend all your time studying and then you suddenly have nothing to do and need to blow off some steam => drinking time. Not just recreational drinking. I'm talking drinking with the same intensity with which you study, like its your job. (because basically it is. you are enslaved by class, professors, and let us not forget the amount of debt that you have accrued.) School sucks even breaks from it suck.

coffee is good

2005-12-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

I have had 320 oz of coffee since last friday and the day is not done yet. I'm 64 oz in the bonus over my goal of two gallons. I can still sleep at night, and my heart hasn't exploded yet. Yet, with the increasing coffee and a reciprocal decrease in the time left to study for finals, I feel as though my motivation has all but run out. I spent four hours last night watching crap on television. Although, after this semester I only have one more semester of final exams left in my life. Kind of... that doesn't count the exam that I have to take over the first two years of medical school or the other licensing exams that I have to take to graduate and get a job. I hate school.

update

2005-12-06T21:30:00.000-08:00

I was hoping for some existential post on life in medicine. Or an in depth look at the rigors of studying over 60 hours in a week. Its actually closer to 80. But, with all the studying I've done lately there is little room in my brain for a diatribe to emerge. The only thing taking up space in my brain is Path. Hey, only two finals. Too bad they are going to be the hardest finals I've ever taken. No, there will be no such post. Just an update on the coffee intake:

160 oz. of coffee since Friday. I have about a week left and only 96 oz. left.

power outage

2005-12-04T11:06:00.000-08:00

I awoke to the sound of my alarm this morning. That sound I hate so much. I promptly responded by hitting the snooze, three times. The next memory that I have is waking up an hour and a half later. Apparently our power went out. Sweet. Not that I have over 700 pages for one class, 400 pages of notes for another class, and three take home tests to finish. I'm not concerned. Obviously, I'm taking three hours out to watch the Colts game. I did, however, study this morning and ingest antother 16 oz of coffee. I'll just have to make up for the lost study time later on in the day and ingest more caffiene. That way I won't feel like a complete waste.

Current count: 96 oz of coffee. Almost halfway there with 7.5 days to go. Maybe I should have made my goal three gallons.

Done with another semester

2005-12-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

Three semesters down, one more of lectures, four of clinicals left. I have forgotten more things in the last three semesters than I think ever before in my life. Its a cycle of binge and purge. Let the week long studying begin. A week without class dedicated to allowing you to study for a final over more information than two undergrad semesters. Continuing the coffee quest...

Current count: 48 oz.

More to come.

Study time

2005-12-01T12:27:00.000-08:00

Let it begin: the coked out, caffiene fueled, eyes bloodshot, cranky, contemplating quitting, ever-closer to psychotic break, fun-filled study week. All leading up to the anti-climactic finals week. All this work for 2 freaking exams. That sounds familiar, where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, comprehensive exams for undergrad. Nothing better than studying for ever class in your major all packed into two days. Or, if you are a big enough masochist, you double major and have four days of tests. Joy.

On the bright side, I'm catching up on my reading of dilated cardiomyopathy and giant cell arteritis, everyone's favorite topics. My goal is to ingest 2 gallons of coffee in the period of a week and a half. Think I can do it? Think I can't? I used to drink a pot a day in undergrad during comps studying and finals week. I'll keep you updated on my quest for permanent tachycardia (that's a rapid heart rate for those not of the medical world). What's my incentive you ask? Why would you do this to yourself? Why not? What the hell else do I have to do other than study for the next week and a half? I'm not dating anyone, through no fault of my own, well recently that is. I have zero personal ties, except to some people in my class and a few of those are loose connections. And so... a nod to one of my exes, who tried to get me to quit drinking caffiene. Up yours! I'm trading in my caffiene free chai for ultra-caffienated coffee. Let the jitters and palpatations begin.

Playlist: anything that will keep me awake and studying (techno)

Serenity

2005-11-29T11:59:00.000-08:00

I recently found serenity while taking an hour long run through the woods. I saw only two other people while I was running on these trails (and I was out there for an hour). For me, exercising by myself for an extended period of time (hour to hours) or three cups of coffee at 3AM while pulling an all-nighter studying for comprehensive exams during undergrad brings this type of clarity and singleness of mind. Well, there are other ways, but they invlove vows of silence and poverty and can only be undertaken in the heights of Nepal. But, for those of us that are still bound to reality, this is the next best thing to what Zen masters call a breakthroug in reality. It is when you see everything around you differently, like a brick wall just crumbled and left behind an unaltered view of the landscape. This isn't just limited to landscape, it includes people, relationships, thoughts, emotions. Truly, an existential and "religious" experience. Not religious like I worship the experience, although that would be an interesting philosphy of religion. (BOB, what do you think about that?)

For those of you that haven't had an experience like this, I urge you to ascertain it some how, some way. Drunking will not lead you there. Neither will illicit substances, believe me, I've tried. Well, unless you are a Turkish muslim, who is a practicing mystic and believes that getting drunk and turning in circles gets you closer to God, but that is a different discussion.

Where am I going with this post? Not really sure... Just making conversation about enlightenment though exercising (running, cycling) or whatever other means people use to come to this kind of clarity.

The aspect that I treasure the most (about the clarity and serenity) is being able to analyze matters w/o emotional attachment to them. It is almost like an out-of-body experience when it comes to introspection. I only have three emotions anyways, depression (not clinical depression, but more of a melancholy), hate, and indifference. I know that indifference isn't really an emotion, but I think it fits. Its a one way continuum. There is very little room for elation and positive excitement. As depressing as that might sound, it is oddly comforting to me.

Playlist: Indian(dots not feathers) chants and techno. (Very trance inducing)

Homeward Bound

2005-11-23T16:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, the obligatory trip home to spend time with the parents for the holidays... Time spent by passing the hours shopping for food, revisting the places you used to hang out, and listening to stories about people you used to be close to. It always seems like parents have the knack to talk about people you haven't thought of in years... what they are up to, who they are dating, where they live, what jobs they have. If you actually cared about these people, you would call them to find out the information yourself. Parents seem to be a wealth of knowledge about the most random facts relating to aquaintances.

Being home, or where you used to call home(it is now just your parent's house), seems like a combination trip to the distant aunt or uncle's house and bad trip back into time. You see people you haven't seen in a while that haven't left. You also see new buildings and new people in the old buildings. This is what we like to call progression of time without you. Depressing and odd, yet familiar and comforting at the same time. It is an amazing mesh of new and old, like a painting that has been touched up. There are lines that are so familiar and inviting laced with little touches of new paint over a full canvas.

Lastly, there is the inevitable spotting of someone you are trying to avoid or don't really care to see- the ex. There is that random spotting of the ex where you least expect them to be, at Target for instance. A rush of feelings all at once. That passion you once felt and the feelings of breaking up all mixed together. Almost as bad as an awkward conversation with Dr. Flynn Medicine Woman over her alleged needle sticks that precipitated her couple of treatments for Syphilis. Needle stick, sure it was. Needless to say, the situation is fairly awkward to hear about your professor's IM injections of Benzathine Penicillin for a sexually transmitted infection.

Anyways, I know that not everyone feels the same way that I do. Some people enjoy going home and visting parents and family. Some people enjoy it so much they would do it every weekend if they could. Not me. I love my parents, just not the other factors of going "home."