Yogurt/Granola bomb and Stalking
A piece of advice from someone who takes their exercising seriously: Never have yogurt and granola 45 minutes before you run, no matter how great it sounds. The result is a substance that loves water and takes a little while to digest (ie. it sits in your stomach as a time bomb, waiting to explode.) Peristalsis seems futile against the mass of yogurt and granola. Or it seems to work in reverse. Now, these symptoms are precipitated by running within an hour of ingestion. Why didn't I wait longer? It was beautiful outside, warm, sunny, and I had an itch to work out. So, a mile into my warm-up, I felt a slight twinge, as if something was in store for me. Something I wasn't going to like. I shake it off and continue my warm-up for another half mile.
What am I doing today you ask? Speed of course. 400 repeats at 5K pace or better time with a 200 walk in between repeats. A total of 9. Also known as UCLA 400s (UCLA Serpentine 400s if working out with more than one person). Now, there was a slight headwind, something to the tune of 10 knots, but I have run in much worse. Besides, it was pushing 70 outside and sunny. After my second 400, well more like at the 300 mark of my second 400, I had to chew back some emesis. Now, that wasn't the normal I have something in my stomach and I'm trying to run. It was, holy hell, this thing is going to come up soon. Holy upchuck, Batman.
Now, to further complicate matters, there were two other people working out on the track at the time. Both female, one older, one younger. The younger one (runners will appreciate this more than most people) was very cute, blonde hair, sports bra, and some tight shorts (great stems). Being the show off that I am, this made me run faster. Now, if this isn't a cardinal rule, it should be, Never try to impress someone while working out. It only ends up bad for you. You are not living in a Michelob Ultra commercial. People don't pick up dates on the track. It just doesn't happen. Also, you end up looking like a stalker. Not a quality women desire. (RCS, back me up on this one.) So, instead of running my workout as planned, at the proper speed and such, I turn up the volume on my iPod and try to kill myself. I'm turning 73 second quarters to impress this girl, who wants nothing more than for me to disappear. Being thick-headed and male, I ignore it. Now, 73 second quarters are not sprinting, but they aren't my 5K pace either. Let's be honest.
So, not only should I slow down and run MY workout b/c I'm running too fast, but it is further complicating my previous problem, lest we forget that I have what feels like a pound of yogurt and granola making every attempt to escape my stomach. So, after I choke down my breakfast a couple more times, I turn my 6th quarter in 75 seconds and call it a day. I decided to jog into the wind for about a half mile and then turn around to do 2 miles back as a cool down. It just so happens that Miss blonde hair and killer body (did I forget to mention that? Total package.) ends her workout while I am running upwind and now is in front of me as I turn around. Shit. This girl is really going to think I am stalking her. So, I take my cool down pace, which is about 8:30 or so. Sometimes 9 min/mi. But, she is slower than me and has to stop a couple times to stretch out what looks to be a sore trapezius or sternocleidomastoid. So, now I am closing in on her faster. Damnit. So, I pass her about 300 meters from my car and continue my pace. When I stop and lolligag then walk to my car to get some water, I see that she is walking towards me. She apparently parked next to me (what are the odds?). So, I'm now walking away to go stretch and I see her get straight in her car and drive away in a hurry.
So, now I have yogurt and granola warring with my stomach and this girl thinks I'm some weirdo trying to pick up girls while working out. What a wonerful start to a day.
What am I doing today you ask? Speed of course. 400 repeats at 5K pace or better time with a 200 walk in between repeats. A total of 9. Also known as UCLA 400s (UCLA Serpentine 400s if working out with more than one person). Now, there was a slight headwind, something to the tune of 10 knots, but I have run in much worse. Besides, it was pushing 70 outside and sunny. After my second 400, well more like at the 300 mark of my second 400, I had to chew back some emesis. Now, that wasn't the normal I have something in my stomach and I'm trying to run. It was, holy hell, this thing is going to come up soon. Holy upchuck, Batman.
Now, to further complicate matters, there were two other people working out on the track at the time. Both female, one older, one younger. The younger one (runners will appreciate this more than most people) was very cute, blonde hair, sports bra, and some tight shorts (great stems). Being the show off that I am, this made me run faster. Now, if this isn't a cardinal rule, it should be, Never try to impress someone while working out. It only ends up bad for you. You are not living in a Michelob Ultra commercial. People don't pick up dates on the track. It just doesn't happen. Also, you end up looking like a stalker. Not a quality women desire. (RCS, back me up on this one.) So, instead of running my workout as planned, at the proper speed and such, I turn up the volume on my iPod and try to kill myself. I'm turning 73 second quarters to impress this girl, who wants nothing more than for me to disappear. Being thick-headed and male, I ignore it. Now, 73 second quarters are not sprinting, but they aren't my 5K pace either. Let's be honest.
So, not only should I slow down and run MY workout b/c I'm running too fast, but it is further complicating my previous problem, lest we forget that I have what feels like a pound of yogurt and granola making every attempt to escape my stomach. So, after I choke down my breakfast a couple more times, I turn my 6th quarter in 75 seconds and call it a day. I decided to jog into the wind for about a half mile and then turn around to do 2 miles back as a cool down. It just so happens that Miss blonde hair and killer body (did I forget to mention that? Total package.) ends her workout while I am running upwind and now is in front of me as I turn around. Shit. This girl is really going to think I am stalking her. So, I take my cool down pace, which is about 8:30 or so. Sometimes 9 min/mi. But, she is slower than me and has to stop a couple times to stretch out what looks to be a sore trapezius or sternocleidomastoid. So, now I am closing in on her faster. Damnit. So, I pass her about 300 meters from my car and continue my pace. When I stop and lolligag then walk to my car to get some water, I see that she is walking towards me. She apparently parked next to me (what are the odds?). So, I'm now walking away to go stretch and I see her get straight in her car and drive away in a hurry.
So, now I have yogurt and granola warring with my stomach and this girl thinks I'm some weirdo trying to pick up girls while working out. What a wonerful start to a day.
posted by runrMD08 at 11:37 AM
1 Comments:
Granola and yogurt, huh. Got it. Damn, you're hilarious. I caught the crud from one of the many febrile pediatric rugrats in the ED. Fever, cough, sore throat, and stuffy nose all day. Tried to do a little running this morning. Did ~2 miles and had to walk home the rest. So much for getting ready for the Flying Pigs Marathon in Cincy May 7th. My goal is to just finish.
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