Catharsis and Self-Renewal

"Life is what happens while you make plans."

I heard that quote from the residency director of internal medicine at Tulane University. He was giving a speech to medical students at a national conference of the American Medical Association. The ultimate topic of his speech and presentation was perseverance. He was speaking about Hurricane Katrina damaging Louisiana and the residency program coping and dealing with it. He was speaking about the benefits of perseverance and leadership. 10 steps of being an effective leader. It was truly moving and the best speech that I have heard in a long time. It was more effective than the speech from the President of the AMA, a plastic surgeon from California. It was more moving than most graduation speeches. It was powerful, raw, unbridled emotion. It motivated, touched, hurt, lifted, inspired. I wish that I could convey the full scope of the speech in this blog, but alas, I cannot.

I have made progress with someone about whom I care greatly. I wasn't sure where our relationship was going. I prayed it wouldn't fizzle out. There was no way it could go south, neither one of us had that much invested in it (ie. no possibility of a relationSHIT). For whatever reason: my rantings, my soul searching, her soul searching, our chance meetings, Fate, Kismet, Tao, Providence, luck, we have reconnected with a more defined, less defined goal. The circumstances of a relationship at this point would be incredibly difficult and probably very strained. I work fairly long hours, being a work-workaholic myself, she being undeniably sweet and caring: I would end up being an ass. Not too far off from how many of my previous relationships ended... I was an ass and didn't realize I was on the way out until the door hit me. Thankfully, I have learned a couple things from previous relationships: I'm not always right; I can't have everything I want; I am a good listener if outside distractions are minimized; I am a problem solver, so if you don't want a solution, don't tell me about it in the first place; I don't mind paying for dinner many times, but not all times; I need some time for myself.

Now, other than that, things are murky, blurred, and veiled. I don't know, so don't ask me. I don't have tons of time for introspection when I'm working 80 hours a week. Thankfully, I'm on a cake walk rotation right now, so I can afford to take some time to meditate, analyze, deconstruct.

That is certainly one thing I have realized over the past 2 decades or so. Everyone needs to have cathartic episodes. Everyone needs to "eat dust." (It's from the Iliad?) However you feel that you can best escape into self-recognition, self-analysis, self-deconstruction, DO IT! Be it running for 2 hours with an iPod full of techno, Snowboarding for a weekend listening to Against Me! and other assorted angry music, stripping and refinishing a drafting table, cycling by yourself into a 20 knot headwind doing the same God damn hill over and over, whatever your activity du jour, do it!

How do you know what activity to undertake? Whatever allows you to escape, holds your attention, and when all is said and done makes you feel refreshed and renewed. It does not have to be the same one, nor for a long duration, just as long as it allows for escape. There is one stipulation: it cannot involve drugs, controlled or not, legal or illegal. That is a no-no. You have to function mentally at 100%.

Please take an hour, two, 10, this week and find something that meets these requirements. I know that it is pretentious for me to hand out advice, being just another member in the upward march of humanity, but I am doing it nonetheless.