Coldplay
Warning Sign

A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you, so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover

Come on in
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I’m tired I should not have let you go

Ooooooooooooooooo

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms

I've bolded the most important lines of the song, obviously.

Shout out to my friends in D-town. Sorry I've been an a-hole and not called. I've been kinda busy. I know that's not a good excuse.

new interests

So, I recently started dating someone, a rarity for me. (I just don't date. I am very very picky and tend to be very critical of people.) So, you can see why I rarely date. That and I am usually sitting with my face in a book. Nonetheless, I found someone who actually likes me, also a rarity. The cynicism tends to fend them off. I was told recently by a friend that I'm intimidating. I still don't believe that, but I can start to begin to see what she was trying to get at.

Anyhoo, finding someone outside of the medical professions is a fantastic relief. Not to mention that we get along great, we have similar likes and dislikes, and did I mention that I have pulled the wool over her eyes about me being a nice person? Oh, she likes sushi. Such huge bonus points. So, what am I trying to get at? That I might actually like a person? That I might actually allow myself to be vulnerable? I don't know about all that yet, but maybe, someday...

As I type this, I am sitting at my new desk. A monstrosity of a desk, weighing in a close to 140 kilos, and taking all of 4-5 hours (total) to put together. The thing is over six foot tall, opens up to something more than that, and closes up to look like an armoire. I lugged all the pieces around for this damn thing and now my back feels like I was midget tossing Russian circus clowns. Not sure where that came from, but whatever. I'm tired, it's late for me, and I'm out.

Gratefulness

Whatever is going on in your life, it is nothing. Your problems, they are menial. Drama and petty squabbles are all that your life amount to.

I am reminded of these things once every couple weeks or so. The things that remind me are patients. There are some patients that I see who have problems far beyond what I have in my life and what most of my close friends have in their lives. Two examples:

1. Last month: I had a patient who was born at 25 weeks (normal gestation is roughly 40 weeks). He had to be resuscitated at birth, was immediately intubated and placed on a ventilator. His birth weight: 650 grams (normal term is around 3 kilos or greater). He will undoubtedly have life long serious problems. The kind of problems that can be debilitating. So the fact that you don't like your apartment or your job means nothing. Your life is perfect compared to this kids'.

2. Monday: I saw a patient in the ER holding area in the morning. (The holding area is a place for prisoners. They are placed there for ER visits. There are guards, a locked door, and shackles.) Oh, by the way, the patient was a 15 year old. This kid was kind of sickly looking, had been in juvy for a year and a half, and had that ominous sign that something bad was happening. After seeing an undisclosed number of patients, you just know when someone has something seriously wrong with them. Anyways, this kid had been in "placement" for quite some time. What was wrong with him you ask? Oh, we diagnosed his leukemia. He's 15. What kind of leukemia? That has yet to be determined, but it could be some serious badness. You think your childhood was deprived? Your parents weren't perfect? No one's were. You didn't get all you wanted for Christmas? Well, this kid didn't want leukemia. He didn't ask for that for Christmas.

These kids are just two examples that I have personally seen that clearly illustrate that most of us have it great. Coping with these kids? It's tough. You have to distance yourself in some respects. But in others you have to care about these kids and make them your own in some respect.

Recently I have felt compelled to look more and more at residency programs and places that I would like to live. Few of them are in the midwest. I am looking out West for many programs, but there aren't that many out there. I also like some programs in North Carolina, South Carolina, and maybe NY. But, I don't want to live in NYC. Chicago is nice. There are lots of programs there, and I would be close to my grandparents and parents. Fortunately, I will be busy and not have time to see them all the time, as I know they want. Recently I had a conversation with a beautiful woman about the city of Seattle. I have always felt drawn to Seattle for some reason. Possibly that I love the outdoors, love seafood, and love the West. Although the weird thing is that I've never been to Seattle. (well, not that I remember) Also, I really like the idea of moving to Madison, WI. They have a pretty good ortho program, and I hear Madison is an awesome town. Lots of cyclists and runners there. Lots of trails. Lots of snow, which is not a bad thing. I can work on my snowshoeing and trail running. On a side note, has anyone tried out the waterproof trail running shoes? I know that Merrell, North Face, and a couple other companies make them. I have looked at several but I haven't talked to anyone about them. Any pointers? Bueller?

Other cities: Salt Lake City, UT. What a gorgeous city, well, as long as you are not on the Great Salt Lake. For those of you who don't know, the GSL smells like a garbage heap of rotting flesh. Sorry for that olfactory and visual image, but it does. The problem with the GSL is that it is so salty that nothing can live in it, for the most part. Everything dies in it and the smell carries into the city. The rest of the city is beautiful and wonderfully laid out. Those Mormons were on to something when they moved from Nauvoo out there. Also they were escaping religious persecution, but that's a different history lesson. Modern day Mormons are not all bad, in fact, the current Senate Majority leader, Harry Reid, is a Mormon. He is the highest ranking Mormon in the United States government history. For a one-sided tale of Mormonism read Under The Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, however, does not like the book for the negative image that it portrays of Mormons. Regardless, it is an interesting read.

More cities to come as they pop up in my search for a real job. My first real job. A job in my career, which I can actually use on my CV. Joy.

secrecy

One thing that really f-ing pisses me off is when people lie to me or keep things from me. It infuriates me even more if I call them out on keeping things from me and yet the continue to do it. I understand that not everything is my business, but with friends? What can be so important not to just talk about it and then move on? Seriously? I'm sure that context would be helpful, but I can't even provide that. I am left without context clues and only my incredibly imaginative mind to lead me.

The real issue when people lie or withhold information is that you feel betrayed. Now, if we are talking about someone that you don't know, then that's a different story. If you have a "friend" treat you this way, one tends to feel betrayed and rightly pissed off. I'm sure it is nothing, but that is not the point. The point is that honesty is the linchpin for any relationship of trust. Now, if you have relationships without the premise of trust being intrinsic to them, you have other issues. These can be relationships at work, with family, with friends, with partners... If open honesty without fear of reproach is absent, you might as well be pissing in the wind.

I just had a revelation (well, one that I have previously had, but it happened again). There are some people in life that just seem to have a knack for inciting drama. These people are to be shied away from. They are not good to have as friends nor as friends of friends. They are like plague. They infect those around them and poison them. Their poison, however innocuous seeming, spreads to others. Much in the same way, albeit in reverse, as people say that a smile is contagious. These people are germs, who need to be removed from society or grouped together. If we put all the drama inciters together would there be so much tension that a person could spontaneously combust? I think these are the unnamed situations where people have actually witnessed SHC. So, without further ado, let us bring together the drama queens and have ourselves a barbecue. I guarantee if these people were eliminated from mainstream society, the use of antidepressants and other assorted psychiatric drugs would plummet. This could in part eliminate a portion of the funds being paid out by social services and thus help out Medicare and Medicaid. So, in removing the drama queens we would be helping future generations.

New Year's

So, I started a new tradition: running on New Year's Day. I didn't go far, only 5 miles, but I think it is the perfect way to start a year. It was gloomy, windy, cloudy, and was spitting rain. It was perfect running weather. Okay, so my idea of perfect running weather usually is to the tune of: "well, the sun came up today, so I think I'll run."

I spent most of New Year's Eve intoxicated at a friend's house with a fine young lady. I spent most of the night with her hanging out and shooting the shit whilst I watched other people get s-faced. The party was full of your typical Depauw grads, med school students, and a small smattering of Wabash men holding down the fort. Most guys wore the now standard outfit of jeans, dress shoes, and a collared shirt (usually striped.) (as an aside, I hate myself for wearing this outfit. I feel as if I have nothing else acceptable to wear and that pisses me off. I hate looking like every other dude.) The girls were in their standard slinky top and jeans outfits. There was one girl who was wearing a whore's outfit. (If you have seen Chris Rock, you'll get the joke.) She had on a red cocktail dress with thigh high boots. Classy. Come to find out, she is a 4th year in medical school. Apparently all that dress for success stuff didn't pay off for some people.

I left the soiree at a little after 0600 on New Year's Day. I was sober by then so, I drove home.
Opinion: much better than going to a bar and spending 40-100 dollars just to get in. It was a much more affordable fee, there were lots of people to meet, and I don't have to dry clean the smoke out of my clothes.