Death

I feel as if I have died and someone embalmed me. I'm still breathing, but I don't think that my brain is fxning. I have a headache the size of Montana, which is throbbing with the frequency of a metronone. I think a very very small construction worker is using a very very small jackhammer to break open my skull. I have created a differential diagnosis for myself (in no specific order of importance or liklihood):
meningitis (viral or bacterial)
glioblastoma multiforme
unknown viral infection, possibly coronavirus
primary B cell lymphoma of the brain
Epstein-Barr Virus infection

Seeking professional medical opinion? Nope. I can DDx myself.

Here's the problem: I have a half marathon to run in 6 days. I haven't run in 5 days, that's not to say I haven't worked out, but no running. I'm hoping to get rid of the funk so I can run 5 mizzles tomorrow and then get back on course for this weekend.

Although, I do feel better from this morning; I am still not convinced I'll feel better tomorrow. Time will tell. Otherwise I'll just have to run the half sick.

All time low

Humanity as a whole has reached an all-time, hands-down, no-question-about-it, holy-shit-what-happened-to-sensibility low. While perusing an article on CNN.com about pregnancy entitled "It's hip to be pregnant," I ran across a line that sent shivers through my soul and instantly enraged me with a quality of disgust and abhorring not seen since the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. This line set off a series of red flags and what ensued was an introspective look at American culture that only served to further aggravate and degrade my own citizenship. As a whole, Americans just lost 15 IQ points thanks to some beat reporter in New York trying to make a name. The line is as follows, "The coming months promise the birth of the Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie baby, still in utero but already presumed unprecedentedly gorgeous. "Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated," New York magazine wrote." Now, up to this point, I was only mildly annoyed that I was reading the article and wasting precious moments of my life. At this point, the article took a new twist. Before it was praising the aspects of women embracing pregnancy and acted to boost self-esteem and self-image of pregnant women. Although, it did end on a good note, poking fun of the incessantly retarded Britney Spears.

(deep breath)

Where to begin? I'm almost, but not quite speechless. I'm typing this with my mouth agape and a serious furrow on my brow. Uh, alright, let's start with the real article that was quoted on CNN. It is entitled, "Paparazzi Scramble For the First Brangelina Baby Photo"

Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated. Actually, forget Jesus. Only three wise men turned up to greet him in the manger. The Brangelina baby as the megawatt couple's spawn is known, at least until its parents give it a proper name has People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star, and Life&Style (working, of course, on behalf of the millions and millions of readers they serve) awaiting the newborn's arrival, all of them hoping and scheming and planning to voyage to the ends of the Earth, if that's what it takes, to get a first preferably the first glimpse of the blessed child.

Who is this f-ing guy, first of all? Not since Jesus huh? Well, thank you for speaking for the entire Judeo-Christian world, supposing that people with a functioning frontal lobe give a shit, and degrading the entire life of Jesus, not to mention just raising Brad and Angelina to the level of GOD! Second, the contraction names were funny for about 5 seconds. They are not one entity. Their brains together don't make a functioning one. For the love of sanity, please STOP! (I don't like to yell in my blog, but this one might have a lot of that) Third: "blessed" huh? You are a godless piece of shit. I am not the most religious person, but come on man. Do you really have to jump to that level of analogy. I'm being completely serious. My rage is on par with the rage that the entire Muslim world felt about the Dutch cartoon of Muhammad. Fourth: the underlying problem is readership. If people didn't buy these worthless magazines, maybe they might boost their intelligence. Hell, they might pick up a book. I know, books. Remember those things? They were the main form of communication and record keeping for thousands of years before the internet. And, if we pray (to whomever you desire), plead, and with a bit of luck, the mainstream American public might pick up a book worth reading, instead of a fictional story by Mitch Albom that leaves you feeling happy and warm, but ultimately has a transparent, thin message that does nothing but appeal to those who are s/p frontal lobotomy. I know it's a stretch, but a guy can hope.

But even for a life event, celebrity-weekly editors go on to explain, the Brangelina baby is particularly enticing. For one, there's the simple matter of aesthetics.The parents happen to be two of the most gorgeous people on the planet. How gorgeous is that baby going to be? wonders Bonnie Fuller, the editorial director of American Media, whose stable of magazines includes Star. Dan Wakeford, an executive editor of In Touch, offers a tentative answer: This could possibly be the most beautiful baby in the history of the world. Even more than looks, there's the backstory. There'd be a lot of interest if it was Jennifer Aniston's baby, explains an editor at one celebrity weekly, but with Brangelina, there's that extra factor that the Hollywood golden couple was broken up so that this relationship, and this baby, could happen . . . I mean, this is the baby Jen wouldn't give Brad, and the fact that it's Angelina giving it to him, my feeble little mind can barely handle it!

This guy just doesn't quit. (this article is something like 6 pages long on their website. And from here on, this 'tard goes on to explain how hard the paparazzi have it. Poor paparazzi, invading people's privacy. I feel so, so terribly bad for you. Get a real job you low lives. Go out and do something productive. Stop deluding yourselves and join the upward march of humanity, what's left of it.) The most beautiful baby in the history of the world? Let's do some math for a second. Currently there are about 6.6 billion people on the planet. (Actually, that website is pretty cool. It gives the population on certain dates in history.) Without going into Calculus, b/c I don't really want to at this juncture. Let's just make a rough guess and say that an additional 2 billion or so people have existed before now. That's 8.6 x 10^9 people that have ever lived. Now, you are telling me that THIS child will be the most beautiful ever? Interesting... Where to begin to explain your own arrogance for someone else's child? Let's just say, beauty is relative and leave it at that. Oh, and you're wrong. This poor child, being born to weirdos, is being praised already because of the fact that his/her father broke up with someone else before he/she was born? Am I understanding that correctly? Maybe my feeble mind can't handle it. Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way... No, probably not.

I have a pretty firm grasp on reality. How do these people not? How do you go through your life and honestly deify celebrities because they are good looking? Because their only talent is that they can pretend? Because we have been nieve and nearsighted as a society as to pay these people an exorbitant amount of money and empower them to be icons and role models. What happened to fathers and mothers themselves being role models? Where am I? What happened? Who is running things?

Bike-to-Work Week

Due to the rising prices in gas, I have decided to revert to old school transportation, at least for part of the day. I decided to ride to school today, a distance of 15 kilometers (15.01 to be exact). The way to school was nice and easy. There are a couple half-rollers. You don't have to really get out of the saddle to climb, but you can if you want. Other than that, it's flat on paved trail and then into some urban junk. So, the way there was nice and easy. One of my friends was going into school and offered to take my bag. Less weight, no prob (and let's be serious 15K hardly breaks a sweat on the bike.) Weather: right at 50 F, which should be around 9 C or so, give or take. No problem, threw on a long sleeve base layer and a short sleeve jersey and hit the road. I did almost get smoked by a truck in town. I was going to blow a stop sign and didn't quite get there in time to beat a Ram 2500. (I almost did an endo. That was real pretty.) If I would have gone, I would still be picking up my teeth right now. Not to mention having a couple other war wounds. But, situation avoided.

Fast forward to the ride home. It was about 17:00ish when I left school. (Surprisingly little rush hour traffic.) Although, with the gigantic population of fast food engineers in town, the peak hours might be more like 15:00 due to shift change. So, I headed out, with my bag this time. I tried to empty most of it out, but to little avail. It still weighed in at a good 30+ pounds. Not real heavy, but when you're used to cycling with nothing on your back, it makes a difference. So, I got about 10K into the ride and noticed that my left trapezius area hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. My messenger bag was digging the shnikees out of my trap. Over the next K or so my arm started to feel a bit numb and was a touch weak. Adjusting was no help. It only added in destabilizing me on the bike. I felt like my entire left brachial plexus was being pinched off, and let's be honest, it was. That and the f-ing thing was digging into my spine while I was on the down bars. I just thank God there wasn't a strong breeze. Although, doesn't it seem like the last mile or so going home is always the windiest?

So anyways, to the actual point of my post other than my ramblings. The reason that I rode to school today was to prep for National Bike-to-Work Week, which is May 15-19. In fact, the month of May is National Bike Month. I encourage everyone to ride to work. Yes, I only live 15K from school, so it's easier for me. Here is an interesting bit of knowledge to chew on: on average there are something like 120,000 cyclist in the New York area per day. During the transportation strike that number increased 500%. Pretty impressive. I think I am quoting those numbers correctly. If someone finds different please enlighten me, as I am in need of it.

?Masochist

Over the past week I have noticed that I have become less and less of a masochist. I can't deal with my pain as well as I used to, and have given in more often than not. I ran 12 on Sat but had to break it up and walk twice. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. My CV capacity is fine. My legs weren't really sore; it hit me in the knees primarily. I did do some major hills so that might be a cause...

I took yesterday off, for the most part. Today I went out and ran 5, but I was dying. I felt like I was going to blow chuncks after 2.5 miles. I'm not sure why. I ran over an hour after I last ate. I chewed the same gum that I always do. I just felt like I was going to see my turkey crossaint sandwich again. I did have three cookies at lunch though... They were chocolate chip with caramel, and I couldn't resist. Not that I'm worried about ruining my figure. I don't think that would be possible running the miles I do.

So, should I scale back my workout for tomorrow? Probably. Will I? Ehhhhh... we'll see.
Plan: 10 x 400m @ 5K pace.
I'm going to run on a track, so it'll be cushy.

New energy supplement kick: Bloks by Clif? Powerade? Gatorade? (I don't remember and don't want to get up and look, sorry.)
As always, I will let you know my opinion: how they taste, how it works for me, and any other comments I might have.

Feelings

Elliott Smith

-Twilight

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying

She's a sight to see, she's good to me
I'm already somebody's baby
She's a pretty thing and she knows everything
But I'm already somebody's baby

You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together

I'm nice to you, I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby
I could make you smile if you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me baby

Because your candle burns too bright
Well, I almost forgot it was twilight
Even if I think that you are right
Well, I'm tired of being down, I got no fight

You're wonderful, and it's beautiful
But I'm already somebody's baby
And if I went with you I'd disappoint you too
Well, I'm already somebody's baby
Already somebody's baby


-I'd Better Be Quiet Now

wish you gave me a number
wish i could call you today,
just to hear a voice.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

if i didn't know the difference,
living alone would probably be ok.
it wouldn't be lonely.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

a lot of hours to occupy it was easy
when i didn't know you yet,
things i'd have to forget.

but i better be quiet now,
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, getting upset.

maybe i have a problem,
but thats not what i wanted to say.
i prefer to say nothing.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

had a dream as an army man with an order
just to march in my place
but a dead enemy
screams in my face

but i better be quiet now,
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, not over it yet.

wish i knew what you were doing.
why you want to do it this way.
so i can't go the distance,
i got a long way to go,
i'm getting further away.
i got a long way to go
getting further away.

Fate/Karma/Kismet

How's this for fate: While eating a scrumptous Chinese take out meal, I decided to crack into the obligatory fortune cookie to see what life had in store for me. As I was chewing on a piece of shrimp, I almost choked when I read my fortune. At that moment I wondered if someone was playing an intricately laid and planned joke on me, and if not, reaffirmed yet again that God has a sense of humor. My fortune read as follows (and I'm totally not kidding):

You would make a good lawyer

So, now fortune cookies are giving me career advice. Hilarious and oddly depressing at the same time, because I looked into taking the LSAT and at LSAT books on Amazon.

Anger

Now, I don't generally think that I have an anger problem, but recently I have been a smoldering sesspool of hate. I called one of my friends the other day, who is known for his unbridled hate and rage against pretty much all humanity, and even he said that I was angry. Now, I don't attribute this to a Napoleon complex. I don't have any immediate concerns in my life that should anger me. The only thing that I have steadfast enraging me is school. I'm not burnt out, I'm just angry. I'm so mad right now I feel as if I'm levitating with an aura of fire surrounding me. I find myself getting annoyed and angry with the people that used to bring me joy and smiles. As if a coin with two sides teetering on it's edge, I can feel it. Is it dangerous? No. It actually allows me to focus on studying more. When I'm pissed I study better. I study out of spite, out of hatred for the unbelievers, out of pride for those who have come before me. Not the least of things pissing me off is this town, the people that inhabit this unholy cesspool of disease, and most of all this school-thing.

I'll just have another cup of coffee and just continue to kick ass.
Probably why I run all the time now and cycle constantly. If I didn't have a healthy way to work out stress I might snap, just like Nietzsche.

Now, before people start calling me to ask me what's wrong, I'm fine. Everyone needs to run the gammit of emotions from time to time. I'm just a bit angry right now. Picasso went through a blue period, I can go through a pissed off period.

Training doldrums

Two weeks left until race day, and I feel like I'm dragging ass. I am going to run 13 miles this weekend, then taper for 2 weeks for the half-marathon. I ran 5 miles yesterday at what felt to be a comfortable pace, it turned out to be right about 8 min/mi pace. I guess running those hills all the time did help.

Now, a note from the ridiculous: Yesterday, as some people will attest, was Cow Chip Day. Now, I'm not sure if it was nationally celebrated, or just in Oklahoma Somewhere in the midwest they had a cow chip tossing tournament. Pardon me, I just did some research and... Cow Chip Day is to celebrate the WORLD Championship Cow Chip Throwing, and it takes place in Beaver, OK. Do you think that peole actually fly across the world just to take part in a tournament that throws dried cow feces?

It might not be that far fetched, since the most expensive coffee in the world has to pass through a Common Palm Civet cat's GI before it is even roasted. The Civet cat looks like a cross between a cat and a mongoose. So this coffee, called Kopi Luwak in most places, is "harvested" from these cats, ie. someone has the job of picking through the poop of these cats looking for digested coffee berries, leaving the beans intact. There are several places where this takes place, the least of which being the island of Java itself. How can you go wrong with a coffee from the island of Java? I'm not sure, but then again, I have a wicked coffee addiction. Not caffiene, coffee. Bottom line: this coffee sells for 75$ per quarter pound. For you Math majors out there, this means that a pound costs $300 US.

That was your random knowledge education for the day. You can thank google, wikipedia, and my anatomy professor for introducing me to the topic. (Thank my anatomy prof by buying him a stroller or a new 15 passenger van to cart around his litter. Long story, but let's just say that he has enough kids to field a baseball team.)

Hatred or Envy?

On April 6th, a young and upcoming journalist went out for drinks with some of his friens to a villa in St. Maarten where they were vacationing. This 25 year old graduate of Wabash College with a degree in Political Science also has a Masters in Journalism from Columbia University. He interned at the David Letterman Show and was currently working as a researcher for the CBS news magazine 48 Hours. While having drinks with his friends several other people at the club began shouting obscenities and harrassing this group. The verbal assailants were tossed from the club and that was it. When the group of guys left the club they were assaulted by the tossed bunch. And when I say assaulted, I mean they had tire irons taken to their craniums. They were blindsided by these cowards who were waiting in the parking lot, unprovoked, and obviously looking for a fight. Our protagonist had his skull crushed and suffered severe brain damage. He was transported from the island of St. Maarten to Miami and now is recuperating at Jackson Memorial Hospital. He is still having difficulty speaking and writing, and will be in rehab for a long time to come.

Why would this young man, a rising star in journalistic circles, be beaten almost to death? Why would someone feel the need, the compulsion, the unabashed rage to almost kill someone with a tire iron? This young man was gay. He was with some of his friends who were also gay and were vacationing. They were not accosting the other group. They did not provoke them. They were minding their own business, enjoying the delights of a Caribbean vacation as anyone would.

I have very few words in my vocabulary that will serve to express my disgust, distaste, utter abhorring, and ultimate emptiness that resulted from hearing about this story. Did I know this man personally? No, but I did see him on campus frequently. I had been to his fraternity several times. I knew and continue to know his fraternity brothers. And not the least being, he is a fellow Wabash grad. I can't begin to describe what should be done to the men that assaulted him. That's not the half of it. Apparently the police on the island didn't get involved until he was airlifted off the island. They were called multiple times according to statements given by friends. Shades of the Natalee Holloway search...

Why does someone fear or dislike someone else without really knowing them? Why does someone's sexual orientation offend another person? I know this question is debated by quoting the Bible. As a Religion major, I have come to realize that men write books, articles, opinions not always for the better good. They will compose pieces to better themselves or their friends politically, socially, financially, what have you. Now, I'm sure you can make the theological leap to the biblical. People feared something, so they outlawed it or shunned it.

But really, all that doesn't matter. Right or wrong, agree or disagree, it is all a moot point when it comes to the real issue. This man was almost killed for being who he was. A sad day for humanity. But alas, these things happen all the time, unfortunately. Tolerance is not the answer. Tolerance is a dead-end. Acceptance and Assilimation are the proper means to an end.

This post doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel on this issue.

Wabash Alumnus Victim of Brutal Beating
St. Maarten Responds To Gay Bashing Incident
Alleged Hate Crime in Paradise

Energy Supplement review

Hooah! bar:
This bar, which was developed by the military, has a good texture. It is almost like a dense rice crispy treat mixed with a Power bar texture. I tried the chocolate flavor, which was surprisingly not bad. The chocolate flavor is not too overpowering, with a slight protein flavor. The other flavors are Apple Cinnamon and Peanut Butter. At 280 Calories, the bar boasts 9g of total fat with 5g of it being saturated (which is 25% of a 2000 Calorie diet's daily req.) and 0g being trans fat (even though palm oil is on the ingredients list) HOOAH!. The bar aids in rehydration by including 150mg of Sodium (6% of daily). It has the industry standard 4:1 carb:protein ratio with 40g of carbs and 10g of protein. 18g of the carbs are from sugar. The bar has only 1g of dietary fiber, so it won't clog up your pipes, or speed them up, however you choose to look at it. The bar also has a smattering of vitamins and minerals (35% C, 50% folate (for you pregnant women out there), and 60% E). It is a decent mix of water and fat soluble vitamins.

Overall:
I give this bar 3/5 EUs (Endurance Units). It is a decent start for a bar, but it needs some improvements. It fits with the military's no fuss approach to things. The big plus about this bar is that it doesn't melt in heat like some other chocolate based bars.


Snickers Marathon:
This bar, true to form with the Snickers name and the Mars company seal of approval, has chocolate in it. I tried the multi-grain crunch (actually I've had both the multi and the peanut), which was great. It has a great texture, a nice crunch with a chocolatey layer on the bottom. The texture is again akin to that of a dense rice crispy treat, but without an overpowering gritty unmixed protein texture. It seems like they developed this bar for years and released it when it was perfect. (I'm obviously biased) So, hard facts on this baby: It has 220 Calories and only 7g of Total Fat (2g Sat Fat). The rehydration factors: 210mg of Na+ and 125mg of K+. This bar has slightly more than the standard 4:1 Carb to Protein with 32g carbs and 9g protein. It has a smattering of vitamins as well with 35% A, 100% C, 100% E, 100% B6 (just in case you forgot to eat cow liver), and 100% folic acid (again, if you're pregnant this is for you). Snickers Marathon

Overall:
I give this bar 5/5 EUs. It was the best tasting bar of the ones I tried. I had one the other day after mountain biking and it was the best tasting bar I've ever had. Of course I was caked in mud and dirt tasted not too bad at that point. Both of the flavors have a great taste and texture. They replenish your tanks and get you ready for more miles. The downside: since they have chocolate layers, they can and do melt. The bar I had recently was half melted, so it was a little more sloppy to eat.

Clif bar:
The well known Clif bar has a great flavor no matter what flavor of the 15 regular and 3 seasonal flavors you choose. Known for it's organic ingredients and enviro-friendly ingredients, Clif bar has been a staple of climbers and cyclists for years. I am a huge proponent of going to a restaurant and having the dish for which they are known. So, true to form, I had a Clif bar while climbing and while cycling. I have loved these bars for years and have several favorite flavors, but I will review the chocolate chip peanut crunch (it was my first love [Yes, I'm obsessed with energy bars, energy drinks, supplements, etc]). The CCPC (chocolate chip peanut crunch) has a great flavor and maintains its shape no matter what. The color of the bar looks reminiscent of ground up dog food, but don't let that deter you. Dog food has a wonderful flavor and a hell-of-a crunch to it. Oh, sorry, wrong food review. So... anyhoo, the CCPC tastes great, with a chocolate chip flavor and a hint of peanut butter in the background encased in a scrumptious Clif bar binding. Nutrition info you say, ok: well, before I do that, let me say that almost all of the ingredients are organic including the organic brown rice syrup, organic evaporated cane juice, and organic milled flaxseed. Alright enough of my organic push: 250 Calories and 6g of Fat (2g Sat Fat). 210mg of Sodium and a whopping 220mg of Potassium make this a must have rehydration tool. Another bar with almost a 4:1 Carb:protein ratio with 43:11. With 5g of dietary fiber, 4 of which being insoluble fiber, this might not be the greatest thing to have pre-workout. If you don't understand why, um... let me just say that it will act as a brick in your GI. Not great to eat and run, cycle, or climb a sheer face with no trees in sight nor TP. You get the idea I hope. If not... leave, now. Seriously.
A nice accoutrement of vitamins and minerals comes along with this bar. Highlights: 100% of C and E, 30% A, and for those of you in dire need of Selenium: 20% of that. Of course, with the organic milled flaxseeds, and this is unstated on their website, unless I missed it, another added bonus is an unstated level of Omega 3 fatty acid. That way you don't have to take a tablespoon of fish oil, SCORE! Clif Bar

Overall:
The bar deserves a 5/5 EU if not for the simplicity of the Clif bar company, but also for its having the Certified Organic seal of approval. Also, this bar retains it's shape and if you're not careful will jump out of the package. It is easy to eat, since it doesn't melt in the package, and tastes great.

More reviews to come.
-note: all these reviews are unsanctioned by the aforementioned companies and are my personal opinion. Any duplication of these reviews will be subject to prosecution and persecution.

Energy Bars

Current plans:
1. Tomorrow, get my VO2 max tested at a local sports performance center (for free mind you. I'm a member of the Sports Med Student Interest Group, obviously, I'm fairly into sports.
2. Continue testing energy bars and drinks and their relative effeciveness during workouts.
3. Run 15K FAST!! tomorrow after my VO2 max testing.
4. Take Sunday off since I was a maniac today.

Current energy bars:
Hooah!
Snickers Marathon
Clif bar
plain ole Quaker Granola bars- chocolate
Nature's Valley Granola bars- Peanut Butter
GNC Pro Performance Pro Crunch- Peanut Butter Crunch

Current energy drinks:
Accelerade- Lemon lime
EAS Endurathon- Lemon Lime
GNC Pro Performance Distance Formula - Fruit Punch

So, that's my plan for the next few days. I will write up the nutrition info (modified) as well as general taste and effect on performance. Now, I realize that I'm nowhere near a pro-athlete and therefore my performance scale is different that most. I'm a slow runner and a slow cyclist. It happens.

My workout today:
25.54 miles on the bike through country roads. (RO-ADs) Average speed 18 mi/h. There was a slight headwind out of the SW at 13 mi/h. After I got back in from my ride I went running. Literally right after. I changed into running shorts, changed shoes, and went. I went 4 miles at ~8 min/mi. As with every transition in a multi-sport event, your legs turn into jello for the first 2 miles. So, after my jello legs and cars buzzing me, I felt pretty good.

Incidentally, on my ride, I got buzzed by two semis going 50 mi/h and they gave me a whole 5 feet of space. It was great to get blown off the road by some a-hole jealous that I was out enjoying the weather and they weren't. Unfortunately the mapping system that I used wasn't exactly accurate. I came to to where I was supposed to continue on a road, but there was no more road. So, I had to ad-lib my route. I ended up cycling on a fairly major road. I was on a state highway, which is where I got buzzed by semis, and all I wanted was a freaking paved road. It seemed like every road that was going north was a gravel road. Not exactly the road biking conditions that you would hope for.

More to come from the energy bar/drink front soon.

Yogurt/Granola bomb and Stalking

A piece of advice from someone who takes their exercising seriously: Never have yogurt and granola 45 minutes before you run, no matter how great it sounds. The result is a substance that loves water and takes a little while to digest (ie. it sits in your stomach as a time bomb, waiting to explode.) Peristalsis seems futile against the mass of yogurt and granola. Or it seems to work in reverse. Now, these symptoms are precipitated by running within an hour of ingestion. Why didn't I wait longer? It was beautiful outside, warm, sunny, and I had an itch to work out. So, a mile into my warm-up, I felt a slight twinge, as if something was in store for me. Something I wasn't going to like. I shake it off and continue my warm-up for another half mile.

What am I doing today you ask? Speed of course. 400 repeats at 5K pace or better time with a 200 walk in between repeats. A total of 9. Also known as UCLA 400s (UCLA Serpentine 400s if working out with more than one person). Now, there was a slight headwind, something to the tune of 10 knots, but I have run in much worse. Besides, it was pushing 70 outside and sunny. After my second 400, well more like at the 300 mark of my second 400, I had to chew back some emesis. Now, that wasn't the normal I have something in my stomach and I'm trying to run. It was, holy hell, this thing is going to come up soon. Holy upchuck, Batman.

Now, to further complicate matters, there were two other people working out on the track at the time. Both female, one older, one younger. The younger one (runners will appreciate this more than most people) was very cute, blonde hair, sports bra, and some tight shorts (great stems). Being the show off that I am, this made me run faster. Now, if this isn't a cardinal rule, it should be, Never try to impress someone while working out. It only ends up bad for you. You are not living in a Michelob Ultra commercial. People don't pick up dates on the track. It just doesn't happen. Also, you end up looking like a stalker. Not a quality women desire. (RCS, back me up on this one.) So, instead of running my workout as planned, at the proper speed and such, I turn up the volume on my iPod and try to kill myself. I'm turning 73 second quarters to impress this girl, who wants nothing more than for me to disappear. Being thick-headed and male, I ignore it. Now, 73 second quarters are not sprinting, but they aren't my 5K pace either. Let's be honest.

So, not only should I slow down and run MY workout b/c I'm running too fast, but it is further complicating my previous problem, lest we forget that I have what feels like a pound of yogurt and granola making every attempt to escape my stomach. So, after I choke down my breakfast a couple more times, I turn my 6th quarter in 75 seconds and call it a day. I decided to jog into the wind for about a half mile and then turn around to do 2 miles back as a cool down. It just so happens that Miss blonde hair and killer body (did I forget to mention that? Total package.) ends her workout while I am running upwind and now is in front of me as I turn around. Shit. This girl is really going to think I am stalking her. So, I take my cool down pace, which is about 8:30 or so. Sometimes 9 min/mi. But, she is slower than me and has to stop a couple times to stretch out what looks to be a sore trapezius or sternocleidomastoid. So, now I am closing in on her faster. Damnit. So, I pass her about 300 meters from my car and continue my pace. When I stop and lolligag then walk to my car to get some water, I see that she is walking towards me. She apparently parked next to me (what are the odds?). So, I'm now walking away to go stretch and I see her get straight in her car and drive away in a hurry.

So, now I have yogurt and granola warring with my stomach and this girl thinks I'm some weirdo trying to pick up girls while working out. What a wonerful start to a day.

Hey, thanks for wasting my time

Have you ever had those moments when you ask yourself, "Why did I just waste precious moments of my life doing that?" I ask myself this question repeatedly as I attend any Pathology lecture. "Important diseases? Some. Treatment protocol? Never. Hey, that's useful that I know what it is. What to do about it, you ask? Hell, I don't know." So, as I sit and stew over my recent round of existential questioning, I ponder a new question. It goes something like this, "How does someone so incompetent as yourself get to a position of power?" Did you have to fail the entrance exam for them to place you? I consider myself a smart person: quick witted with a sense of my own place in life. But, I ask you: How does shit seem to float to the top?

Here is some background to complement my ranting. So, in approximately 6 weeks I will take the first part of the licensing exam to become a physician in the United States. USMLE Step 1, or Boards, as it is more commonly called. An 8 hour nightmare marathon of an exam. Difficult? Eh... only in making you focus for that long. The questions vary in difficulty as any exam, but none are impossible. This test is 33% of what I'm told residencies look at for acceptance into their programs. Okay, just another hurdle. Not a huge deal. Seriously, I'm not trying to use a defense mechanism and play it off like I don't care. I'm working towards it. I am getting prepared. I don't have test anxiety... blah, blah, blah. Now, here comes the part that makes my blood boil.

The school that I attend has practice exams. These are 4 hour exams, which we take a couple times a year, to gauge our performance and help us focus our efforts on specific disciplines. I took the first one cold (ie. without studying specifically for it). Would have passed the national test easily. The second time I took the exam, I studied more for it. Did some Pharm, looked over some Phys, thought about Path (the three Ps to study). Now, when I got the exam I was listening to my iPod and cruising along. I got to about question 30 and realized that these questions looked really familiar. Like I had seen them before. This continued through the entire exam. Afterwards, I shot an email to the assistant director to inform him of my findings. I toned it down from my initial pissed-off-ness. He said, no it was supposed to be a different exam. The person who gave me the exam swore it was different, rudely swore. As if I was accusing her of something. All she had to do was pass the f-ing thing out to me. I found out today from the director that they had made a mistake and it was the same exam. "Hey buddy, thanks for wasting 4 hours of my life that I will never get back. Now, let me bash your head in with my pitching wedge." I took the test in my spare time, which mind you is limited, and on a morning when I could have been sleeping. Now, had I been really sure at the time it was the same test, I should have wiped my ass with the test and placed it neatly on his overly-cluttered desk, leaving it for him to find in a year or two. His retort to my concerns, after finding out he had egg on his face, "you can take it again if you like." Again: "Hey thanks buddy. I really appreciate that." Maybe my anger is misguided and misdirected, but I am confident that the monkeys the Russians sent in space could do a better job.

I feel like he's a challenged youth with developmental delays. All I can do is pat him on the shoulder and congratulate him for tying his shoes without screwing it up. Frustrated, sure. But what can I do other than piss and moan and occasionally send death threats? Not much, save eliminating the possibility that he reproduces and further pollutes the gene pool. Or dump a load of phenolphthalein in his coffee and laugh hysterically as he spends 8 hours on the toilet praying to die. Not that I've thought about that or anything...

So, in the interim I'll just piss and moan and continue to plot... Always waiting for my opportunity to strike.

back to the basics

Every once in a while, I recommend running completely "unplugged." No watch, no music, no HRM. Just let everything go and run. Enjoy the beauty of running. One of my friends does this with cycling. He takes his computer off his bike and just goes. If you are having a tough time getting back into running after an extended break or after an injury, or if you just need to renew your relationship with running, this should do the trick. Go run a trail without electronics. Go run around the neighborhood, go... wherever you want/need to go to renew and refresh. Make it existential. I like to meditate when I go "unplugged." Yes, like a Zen thing. I know this sounds a little too tree-hugger, but be one with nature. Some people achieve this by walking alone in the woods. Enjoy it. Cherish it. You never know when it might disappear.

I was also going to post about the necessity of running toys (watches, HRMs, pedometers, GPS, uploadable data from said toys, etc...). I'm still collecting research and testing out some equipment. Soon to come.

An easy 13 miles?

I know that phrase is hardly spoken let alone thought by many people out there. But, this phrase has truth behind it. Well, let me rephrase: It was an easy 13 miles for me. Yes, I was running slow and yes, I did break it up. But, I did 13 miles and wasn't all that sore, didn't want to cut my legs off, wasn't bleeding. I did 9.5 in the morning at a relaxed 8:30/mi; then Stevie decided he was going to run, so I went with him. A nice and easy run through the park turned into running through a mud-laden trail. I had mud caked on my legs up to my knees. It was awesome. Potentially the most fun that I've had on that trail. And... while running in the park we spotted a deer no more than 20 yards away, another bonus. Good to know that the water table in and around Terre Haute still supports life other than the 80,000 flocks of birds that circle around town darkening the sky like an impending apocalypse. (another story)

So, after a long day of 13 what did I decide to do? Refer to my last post: point A. I decided to do an easy run. Sounds like a good idea right? Well, my easy run turned into a 6 min/mi 5K. Not my fastest pace, but close. I had to run. It was 68 degrees, sunny, with no wind. If I didn't run I would have a nervous breakdown.

Dehydration Long Run

Point A: I am an idiot.

This comment should come as no surprise for those of you that know me personally. Just a question to the effect of, "Yeah, and what this time?"

Point B: Do not attempt to run long when hungover, ill-dressed, or dehydrated in another form.

Ready for some background info? Ok, let's go:
On Saturday as you are well aware, the Men's Final Four games were played. (If you did not know this, leave my blog post haste.) As my roommate and I are social people, we invited friends over for some delectable snacks and refreshments. A small crowd gathered at the Townhouse for the ensuing games. I decided to start the night off with a V and T, followed by food, four beers, and a white russian. I was not drunk, we were gorging ourselves like ravenous beasts who hadn't eaten in days, so the food soaked up some of the alcohol. Nonetheless, alcohol dehydrates you. I won't go into the Biochemical explanation for why, so just trust me on this one.

Fastforward to Sunday morning. I eat and head off to run some errands and stop and have 16 oz of coffee (also a diuretic). It's raining by the way. Raining like I should be building an ark and collecting animals two-of-a-kind. I read the forcast, which calls for rain all day and says it should be a bit on the nippy side. Okay, that's fine I have underarmour, jackets, and gloves out the wazoo. So, I head home and prepare to run. I decide to wear a short sleeve tee and my soft shell running jacket, which mind you is technically a winter jacket. It's 45ish when i leave the house. When i start running it is 55ish and windy. No rain as of yet. So I start off, planning to run 9 miles as my schedule calls for. At the 3 mile mark, I notice that I'm sweating like a Malaysian whore in church. Not only that, but it's getting warmer and my jacket is doing it's job perfectly. It is keeping heat in and protecting me from wind. Bottomline: my core temp is about 197,000 degrees. I'm about to have fusion in my jacket. I'm sweating like crazy, only to have it held in my jacket. Oh and by the way, I haven't had any WATER!!! Refer to point A. So, I decide that running 9 is not a great idea. I decide to head in and turn about 4 to 4.5 total. By the time I get to my car, my legs are killing me, my jacket has taken on the weather pattern of a rain forest, and my glasses are fogged so I can't see.

Let's recap: the weatherman called for rain all day. Has it rained since I've been running? The sole reason I wore the jacket I did? No. Did I take my iPod to distract me while running? No, it was supposed to rain. Did I bring different clothes? Of course not. When I got done running I felt as if someone had made me run in a sauna while punching my legs with brass knuckles. It was less than pleasant. Refer to Point A.

So, I deferred my workout to today. I went out to run and the wind was at a calm 20 mi/h with gusts of 30 mi/h and it was raining. It wasn't spitting rain. It was hocking lougees in my face and my glasses. Although I changed my jacket so as to not overheat. Only went 3 today. There's always tomorrow to do my workout for last weekend. And I only have to run 10 this weekend. Again, Point A.

Running tips of the day:
1. Never listen to the meteorologists.
2. Dress for any occasion.
3. Hydrate well before your run (especially if it is going to be long).
4. Don't follow in my footsteps. (Point A)

questions and comments directed to: Imarunningidiot@runningidiot.com